Laissez-floof (catfinition) – a feline practice of deliberately not interfering with or bothering other animals.
In use: “The second reason Quinn is such a good member of a multiple cat household is his laissez-floof attitude toward other cats.”
Floof Talk
Floof Talk (catfinition) – an intense, usually brief speech a person gives their cat (and sometimes, dog) to modify or change behavior.
In use: “We’re going to have a little floof talk today,” she said to the watching cat as did every morning. “What are we not going to do today? We are not going to steal mommy’s breakfast. We are not going to throw up on mommy’s clothes, and we’re not going to destroy mommy’s mail and papers, right? Right. What are we going to do? We’re going to be a good little kitty, aren’t we? Yeah, right.”
Floof-timing
Floof-timing (catfinition) – to betray a cat by friendship or attention with another cat; to deceive a cat.
In use: “When she came into the house, her cat stopped short of greeting her to lean forward and sniff her pants legs. “Yes, I petted another cat,” she said. Giving her a hurt look, he turned his back on his floof-timing person and walked away, refusing to answer her when she called his name.”
Kafloof
Kafloof (catfinition) – to be utterly defeated by a cat.
In use: “Every time he sat down to type, his small black and white cat stretched out on his keyboard with a green-eyed look that asked, “What are you going to do now?” His answer was to sigh. He knew his goal to do some writing was kafloof.”
Flooftrap
Flooftrap (catfinition) – means by which a feline captures humans, stops them from walking, or keeps them from moving.
In use: “Bo’s favorite flooftrap is to lay down on someone’s foot.”
Floof de suite
Floof de suite (catfinition) – a feline demand for something right now, right away, or immediately.
In use: “Rising up on her back legs, she patted the woman’s leg and urgently meowed, demonstrating that she smelled the cat food and wanted it floof de suite.”
Floofbris
Floofbris (catfinition) – a feline’s exaggerated sense of what it can do because it’s a cat.
In use: “The big dog approached the tiny cat and gave a loud bark. Full of floofbris, the little gray cat put up its tail, hissed, and hopped forward and sideways toward the dog. Startled by the little feline’s advance, the dog jumped back, its eyes wide.”
Floofligence
Floofligence (catfinition) – the ability to learn or understand cats, often listed as floofligence quotient, which is also sometimes shortened to floof-q, or F.Q.
In use: “Thanks to being raised in a household where cats of all ages were fostered and socialized, his floof-q was among the highest that other people had ever witnessed, giving him a unique ability to empathize with cats and earning him the nickname, the Floof Whisperer.”
Floofacity
Floofacity (catfinition) – the quality or state of being feline.
In use: “Flash and Ashley ruled with such implacable floofacity, people’s worship of cats as deities was easily understood.”
A Cat Tale
“Mew,” he said in his soft, sweet, voice. “Mew.” He rubbed his furry body against my calf and looked up with dark, imploring eyes. “Mew.”
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll open another can for you. Please eat it this time.”
I opened the can and spooned contents into a bowl. As I did, the cat celebrated with low purring and sharper, louder mews. I put the bowl down on the floor. “Here you go,” I said.
The cat stepped up to the bowl, but stopped several inches short of it. Leaning forward, he sniffed, and then he looked up at me with hurt sadness.
Turning away from me and the bowl of food, he made three strokes with one front paw, miming covering the food like he was burying his scat. As he did, he gave me a side-glance that whispered, “You are so disappointing.”
Then, bushy tail high and waving like a flag in a light breeze, he trotted away.
Michael Seidel, writer 