First World Blues — We Crashing

I bought a new computer in August 2025.

Although sold under Dell, I believe it is actually a Crash Laptop. It runs a Microsoft Crash 11 OS on which I run Microsoft Crash Edge, FireCrash, and Google Crash Chrome.

They’re always telling me empty and clean the cache. My cache is shiny and clean with emptiness.

They tell me turn off graphic accelerators and extensions. I would but they’ve already been turned off months ago.

I’m told to uninstall, reinstall, and update drivers and browsers.

Helpful sites suggest closing tabs or blame sites that are ‘video heavy’. You know, like Gmail, WordPress (and every blog site), Facebook, Google, Bing, YouTube, NYTimes, NextDoor, Animal Rescue Site, LoveMeow, ground.news, SFGate, Mock Paper Scissors, Daily Kos, The Hill, MS Now, APNews, WaPo, LitHub, MilitaryTimes, Seattle Times, LA Times, Daily Times, Guardian, the Mirror, and any game.

Dell says it can’t help me. My problem is beyond its warranty.

I am so happy with my Crash Dell.

On the bright side, every browser has an AI which I can use until it crashes.

My old computer using to crash once in a while. Had it for almost eight years. MS and others said, “Oh, you’re using Windows 10. Bad Juju. Change to 11 and all will be well.”

Snort. Chuckle.

What a sucker I am.