Day: March 26, 2026

The Mom Exchanges

Mom, 90, suffering from several medical conditions, in on many medications. My sisters, Gina, Lisa, and Sharon, live not far away from Mom. An intelligent person and retired nurse, Mom moved into assisted living this year after a suicide threat which she denies.

Before that, she lived with her partner, Frank, in her own home. That changed when Frank died last October.

Gina took Mom in and gave Mom a room with a bathroom. Mom was initially happy but slowly professed that she hated it and wanted to leave and go back to her house. She then began accusing her son-in-law, Pat, of ‘using a device on her head to hurt her’, spying on her, and hiding her TV control.

Pat denies it all. Pat and Mom had a great relationship until five months ago, when Mom’s accusations began. Last September, he converted her back porch into a room so she could live in her house on one level. After Frank died, Pat set up the room for Mom in his house.

Mom has a consistent pattern of accusing others of being mean and hateful to her. She did that with Frank. I never witnessed Frank being like that.

When Mom moved in with Gina, Mom began accusing her of being mean and hateful. I visited for a while and never witnessed Gina being mean and hateful. Those traits are completely contrary to Gina’s personality.

I called to chat with Mom last September. She launched into a diatribe about Frank being mean to her. I said, “Mom, I’m not listening to this. We’ll talk later.” I waited for her to respond. She said, “Okay.” We said good-bye.

Mom reported to Gina that that I’d been mean and hateful and had hung up on her.

Mom told us that Lori is being mean and hateful to her.

Lori at the assisted living facility told us that Mom has given a notice to vacate. Mom told them she plans to return to her home.

Mom’s physical therapist, Jennifer, visited Mom this week. Mom claims that Jennifer witnessed Lori being mean and hateful.

Gina called Jennifer. Jennifer said she witnessed a heated exchange between Mom and Lori. She also reported that Mom is thriving there. She’s using a walker instead of a wheelchair, socializing, and eating well.

Mom told Jennifer that the conversation she was having with Lori was about moving out. Mom insists she’s moving back to her house. Jennifer related to Gina that she told Mom, “I don’t recommend that you leave here or go back home. You’re doing well here but you’re not capable of living on your own.”

I texted Mom today:

“Hey Mom, heard your plans to leave the facility in April. I want to understand your plan so I can stay in the loop. Where are you planning to go and have you talked to anyone about helping you move?”

Mom responded:

“I’m going to my house where I don’t have to pay 5500 a month and be screamed at by this boss. I’m having diarrhea today and last night. I finally got two Imodium‘s but I only have one big pad left many small ones Jennifer, my physical therapist stopped to see me on Tuesday and heard LORI screaming at me about medicine from Sam’s. She said oh, Dee this is too stressful for you. I said I know I’m paying her a fortune to be screamed at. I have asked Lisa when she brings me pads if she ever does to take me home no answer. I’ll probably have to pay Uber. I have to be out by April 18. I’m very surprised to hear from you.”

I replied:

“Thanks for explaining, Mom. I understand you want to go back home. Who is confirmed to help you get there with your things, and what day are you planning to leave?”

She answered:

“No one is confirmed to help me get there with my things. Gina and Sharon don’t speak to me and Lisa doesn’t answer me. All my friends are dead. Ever since Frank died how my children have turned against me, even though I went to the hospital in Gina was proving wrong. The night. I went to the hospital Pat said to me I need to talk to you. I was crying so hard. I said Pat all you have to do is say three words it’s all true and he did not do it so I lost my whole family.”

My sisters, Gina and Lisa, were with Mom when she went to the hospital. Pat was not. Gina and Lisa deny that Mom’s conversation and crying took place.

And that’s where we now stand.

4

Thursday’s Theme Music — Trouble

Ashland, Oregon — Thursday, March 26, 2026.

It’s 35 degrees out with disorganized traces of thin fog and a bright blue sky. Today’s highs will carry the mercury into the sixties.

We have gnat trouble in our house. We’ve been slowly noticing the little critters. From what I’ve read, they may have started around the houseplants but have moved to the bathroom. My wife takes hot Epson salt baths and the skylight has a new ‘white film’ and a spider web up there is littered with gnat bodies. Now we need to address stopping these from spreading.

Adding to today’s troubles, my sisters are anxious about what’s going on with Mom. They’ve asked me to contact her about her plans. I was asked because I haven’t been publicly denounced as mean and hateful. My plan is just to ask her what her plans are and not to otherwise engage. I’m doing this by text as Mom has developed a confrontational communication style in the last year.

Mom’s activities are driving my sisters’ anxiety. Mom gave notice to the assisted living facility that she is moving out in April. She also informed them that she had contacted an elder abuse lawyer. She then changed all her prescriptions from the assisted living facility pharmacy back to Sam’s Club, where she used to get them.

It seems like Mom’s intention is to return to her house. That’s what she keeps saying she wants to do. But since she moved out last year, all the food has been removed, along with most of her belongings. The home was being readied for a sale in the spring, with Mom’s agreement. Everything now is topsy turvy.

My fingers are crossed that something useful will emerge from this attempt. I am not out to argue with her plans or try to make her see reason or anything. Just trying to see what she thinks is going on.

Political issues are troubling me on multiple levels. Locally, we’re working through what to do with the town hall. Plans are incubating to build a new complex, co-locating all local government facilities. The price attached to that is five million. But this is a town which already carries a heavy structural debt, has a large headcount and payroll, and has been cutting services while increasing service fees. Spending more money doesn’t seem prudent.

Nationally, I’m waiting to see what the jobs reports and inflation looks like next month. The Iran War has pushed up prices. We’re in a momentary lull with the war but Trump is issuing new threats, increasing tension again. This comes after he said that Iran gave him a very nice gift, and that Iran and the U.S. were negotiating, which Iran denies.

On a parallel course, the U.S. said it destroyed another four more ‘narco-terrorists’ when they destroyed another boat. No evidence has been presented to date that the people they’re killing are involved with drug smuggling, or that the drugs were destined for the U.S.

Different trouble-oriented songs were served up by The Neurons in the morning mental music stream. I ended up with a 957 recording of B.B. King of “Troubles, Troubles, Troubles”. It’s such a classic sound and just fits my mood.

I hope the best for you and yours, no matter where you are. May peace and grace carry you forward through all your troubles.

Cheers

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