The Beer Loop

Devil don’t rhyme with evil

But mirror rhymes with beer

Their sounds like there but

Where sounds like wear

and both sound like ware

Which makes it hard to bare

especially if you’re a bear

Care rhymes with stare

which also sounds like stair

They all rhyme with chair

which only seems fair

But the fair offers fare

Which many are willing to share

Except Cher who gets scared

when Donna cuts her hair

Chris is a liar

Who won’t leave his lair

He stares into his drink

And thinks

Devil don’t rhyme with evil

But mirror rhymes with beer

*Inspired by Chris Rodell, who urges you to Use All the Crayons.

September 30, 2021 0

September 14, 2021 0

Words

They slice and dice

Little cuts that bleed

Scabbing without healing

Bruising without showing

Being without being

August 18, 2021 0

Raisins & Mushrooms

One of today’s questions: does peanut butter come in a jar or a can? My wife and I are certain that it comes in a jar.
The can/jar question rose because it’s time for the bi-monthly food donation to our town’s food pantry. Bi-monthly is one of those ambiguous expressions that often causes more conversation than it saves. “Do you mean twice a month or every other month?” Raised eyebrows often accompany the question, along with a still expectation as everyone waits to hear, which is it?
COVID-19 has caused our food bank to decree “cans only”. Why not jars? I don’t know. They quarantine the cans; couldn’t they quarantine the jars? I haven’t researched the issue. Did I miss a Fauci about cans and jars? “By the way, jars are not safe. Cans are.”
The food bank puts out a list of needs. On that list is peanut butter. That’s why we’re perplexed. PB comes in jars. Of course you’re going to need peanut butter if you’re only accepting cans. What’s wrong with you?
Anecdotally, I’ve never heard or read someone say, “Go get me the can of peanut butter,” so I think we’re right on this. I wonder if they’re changing the way that we think of cans and jars, like they changed the way that we think of literally by changing the meaning because misusing the word became so commonplace that everyone agrees, easier to change the definition at this point.
Guilt has set in. Others are raving and recommending television shows. I’ve tried them. I don’t like them. I want to like them, for their sakes, for the world’s sake. I feel like I’m undermining the social order by saying that, “No, I don’t watch that show. I don’t like it.” “The Tudors” was one of those shows. Friends raved about it. I turned it off.
Among shows that underwhelm me are all reality shows. Never got into any “Survivor”. Yes, I do like the “Great British Bake-off”, or whatever its name is. I wore down my molars, gritting my teeth as we streamed two seasons of “The Masked Singer”. My wife wanted to see them all unmasked, even as she shook her head at the show and snapped, “If I hear them say that one more time…” She never specified the threat. She didn’t like hearing the hosts bubbling again and again and again, “That was wonderful. You’re amazing. Who are you?”
My wife wants to make mushroom stroganoff. See, she likes mushrooms and she’s a vegetarian. I do not like mushrooms. They’re an abomination. I can accept them steeped in cheese and buried with real food on pizza. When I encounter them elsewhere, they remind me of slimy fungus. I do like mushrooms grilled on meat, or grilled with other mushrooms.
The question is, will I eat the mushroom stroganoff? Sure, make it; I’ll try. If I don’t like it, I’ll eat something else. She’s bought the ingredients. She understand my mushroom dislike; she feels the same about raisins. Mushrooms are my raisins, if you follow.
Food. We all need it, we all want it, we all might not like it.

January 31, 2021 2

Jeezaloo

Somewhere out shopping this weekend, the expession “Jeezalou” struck.

I was probably looking at the price of something. Or maybe the sodium levels. You ever check out the sodium levels in processed foods? Some of them offer eighty percent of the recommended daily intake in one small serving. Jeezalou. Likewise some sugars levels. Holy Jeezalou.

Voices and personalities are stuck to the term. A previous boss and dear friend, Laura D, used it often. A co-worker, Paul, also used it. Both were from New Jersey, almost the same neighborhood. I wondered if it was a local thing.

I also wondered about its origins. Also, it’s correct spelling. After wondering these things, I know; I’ll do a search on the net.

Clever me, right? Sure.

Initial sources suggest it’s ‘loo’ and not ‘lou’. No sources told where it came from. Some people wonder if it’s Canadian, because they’ve heard Canadians use it. I do remember it being used on Canadian television shows, but also the show, Everybody Loves Raymond.

I speculate it’s related to people exclaiming, “Jesus.” That’s frowned upon for religious reasons in some places and times, so it was flavored to be non-religious by adding the ‘aloo’ part. Just speculation.

My wife agreed with that idea. She remembers using “I swear” and being chastised by religious relatives. She then switched to “I swain”, which also drew criticism.

Jeezaloo, those were gentler times, weren’t they?

November 23, 2020 0

Wednesday’s Theme Music

Read a QAnon post yesterday about how JFK Jr’s secret son could be Donald Trump, Jr. JFK Jr isn’t dead; secretly still alive, he escaped the assassination attempt that was the plane crash which purportedly killed him.

In response, I thought of “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da“, a 1980 song by The Police about simple words and logic that ties you up.

Poets, priests, and politicians
Have words to thank for their positions
Words that scream for your submission
And no one’s jamming their transmission
Because when their eloquence escapes you
Their logic ties you up and rapes you

De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da
Their innocence will pull me through
De do do do, de da da da
Is all I want to say to you
De do do do, de da da da
They’re meaningless and all that’s true

h/t to Genius.com

July 22, 2020 0

Eduardo Said

May 12, 2020 0

Floofviscular

Floofviscular (floofinition) – An object or collection that resembles an animal.

In use: “From where it came, who knew? The cat seemed to shed five times as much hair as he ever had on his body. And then it came together in a floofviscular display, as if a mini-clone had been created on the floor.”