Tag: shopping

A Dad Dream

I dreamed my Dad and I were in a store, but a few caveats are needed to qualify this. Much younger, I was taller than I’ve ever been. Dad wasn’t my true father but a colonel I’d worked for in the Air Force. This colonel and I didn’t get along well. Fortunately, he wasn’t in my chain of command. He was the Deputy Base Commander, though, so I had encounters with him almost every day. Another colonel that I was buddies with told me that the other colonel had changed through the years. He said, “He used to seem so happy and had so much fun. Now he barely wants to smile.”

That was my Dad in this dream, not at all like my real Dad. Dream Dad was retired, and I was still active, and outranked him. Neither of us were in uniforms, though. These were matters that I knew.

We were at a Home Depot shopping for plants. Dad wanted to plant flowers at his house. I was there, assisting, following him around. Dad had become forgetful and clutzy. He kept knocking things over. I was concerned, amused, and exasperated as I followed him around and watched the Home Depot personnel cleaning up after his messes.

Dad and I were chatting through all of this, mostly about what he was doing, from what I remember. I began suggesting that we leave but Dad wasn’t ready. It went like this, me following him around as he carried a basket, looking for plants and knocking things over, until I quit following him and drifted away. After I did that, I heard a loud crash. Knowing that he was behind it, I trotted into another area.

A clerk stopped me. “Some hazardous stuff has been spilled,” he said. “We need to clean it up before anyone can go in.”

I looked into the room and saw my dream father standing to one side not far away. Clerks and customers were standing around the perimeter, arms folded, leaning against shelves, as two others cleaned up a mess in the middle.

“Just tell me this,” I said to the clerk. I pointed at Dad. “Did he cause this?” As the clerk nodded, I smiled and said, “That’s what I thought.”

The dream ended.

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Lane Envy

Lane Envy – anxiety and desire to be in a different lane, often associated with driving and shopping.

In use: “Seeing the other lane going much faster, lane envy struck, prompting him to contemplate moving, but he knew the shopping gods were playing a cruel joke on him. As soon as he changed lanes, this one would go faster, so he stood where he was and bridled his longing to go to another cashier.”

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The Speed of Time

I’m returning to a favorite topic, the speed of time, because I’ve discovered more about about it.

The speed of time is not universal. As everyone knows, according to the School/Work Principle, time’s speed isn’t constant. When you’re waiting for the school or work day to end, time not only slows, but sometimes goes backward, forcing you to repeat several minutes. Some movies, are like that, too.

Learning of this, the NFL manages to employ this in their football games. The last two minutes of an NFL game often takes as long as most of the rest of the game. My wife can attest to that. She’s endured it. “When are we leaving?” she asks.

“As soon as this game is over.”

“How much is left?”

“Not much.”

That waffling, of course, warns her. “How much time is left?” she asks.

“It’s the last two minutes of the fourth quarter.”

“Okay, I’m going to go bake some cookies.”

Using that as a basis for my research, I confirmed that traffic-jam time drags almost as slow as the final two minutes of an NFL game, or the last ten minutes of work or the school day.  Shopping time remains the slowest of all, though. Even the NFL has not been able to slow time like shopping will do. Figuratively speaking, shopping time can literally last an eternity. I’ve endured several election cycles while I’ve been shopping. I found that having a Fitbit helps deal with shopping time. It doesn’t change the rate of speed, but I can get a couple of million steps in while I’m walking around, waiting.

Waiting in line time is almost as bad as shopping time. I’ve had clothes wear out while I’ve been standing in line to pay for my purchases, especially at Costco. Costco cashier lines exist in a weird time zone of their own where time gets very sluggish. I’ve spent hour-minutes in line, gazing at what others have bought and comparing them to our purchases.

On the other end of it, I’ve discovered some periods of time that pass quickly. Sleep time is very fast. I don’t know how many times I thought, I’ll just sleep for a few more minutes, and then close my eyes, and, snap, forty minutes have elapsed.

Writing time is frequently often as fast. I have three hours to write, I think, and a cuppa coffee. Then I begin, and the next thing I know, writing time is ended, and I still have coffee.

Which is sort of weird. Coffee time by itself seems to flow at an ideal pace. That’s not true for all beverages. I can tell you, beer time goes fast. Sit down to have a beer, and next thing you know, it’s hours later.

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Heartbreak

I knew heartbreak yesterday when, like many people, I was afflicted by shopping cart envy.

Oh, don’t deny that you haven’t experienced it in one form or another. You know what I’m talking about. Some of you have felt it when you’ve seen a cart filled with riches that you don’t have the money to buy. Others experience it when, like me, they look into another’s carts and see the stuff that you don’t eat because it’s not healthy for you, but you want to eat it.

I am a chronic sufferer of shopping cart envy these days. When I was younger, I could eat anything. Eating anything caught up with me as my activities and metabolism slowed and the speed of my waist line’s expansion increased. Ice cream, pizzas, burgers, milk shakes, sandwiches, steaks, cake, pie, doughnuts? Pass them over. Anyone want that last cruller? I’ll eat it.

Yes, I went through that period when I said, “I’m an adult. If I want to eat ice cream for breakfast, I will.”

Then I became, “I am an adult. What responsible adult eats ice cream for breakfast?”

Waistlines change. Diets change. Attitudes change. Yesterday, in Costco, I saw another man’s cart. He had a case of beer, cheesecake, a large pizza, and other treasures. I can’t describe more, as my mind went blank at the dazzling sight. I think I wandered, for the next thing I know, I was standing in a pool of my own saliva in the bakery section with a box of cookies in my hands.

I wasn’t alone.

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Sisters

A smile wreathed her face. “My sister is the perfect shopping companion for me. She goes into a store and takes off, looking for what she wants and needs. Then, when I look for her, I can usually find her trying clothes on, and what we compare what we found. “Oh, that looks cute, can I try it on?””

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Black Friday

You’re not going to believe it, Michael, she said. I went shopping on Black Friday, last night. I never go shopping on Black Friday. I did this year.

I just wanted a “Wonder Woman” DVD. I love “Wonder Woman.” I’ve seen it twice. When I like a movie, though, I like watching the same ones over and over again. I don’t know why. I have this huge DVD collection. I wanted “Wonder Woman.” Walmart had it on sale for five dollars. Five dollars. My girlfriend was going to Walmart. I didn’t want to go. Just get me the “Wonder Woman” DVD, I said. No, she said. Come on, she said. Come with me. I finally gave in. Okay. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t need anything. But I went.

I got in the store, and I got my DVD. Five dollars. But, OMG, there were so many nice things there. I didn’t need anything, but I saw these things, and the prices were so good.

Still, I didn’t need them. I didn’t want them. But everyone was so nice. They were so sweet and polite. So I stayed, and walked around the store.

And then, I came face to face with my dream camera. Digital SLR. I’d been thinking about this camera for three years. Three years. But it’s five hundred dollars.

Well. The one on display had two extra lenses, and an extra card. Four hundred fifty dollars.

I didn’t want to buy it, but my girlfriend was like, you should totally buy it, you never buy yourself anything, you deserve it, you’ve been wanting it for three years.

So I picked it up and got in line. I thought, I can think it over while I’m in line, go over my budget, and think about it all, so it wasn’t an impulse.

Yes, I bought it. I spent a lot more than five dollars.

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The Sale Dream

Another laughter-inducing dream last night.

I dreamed there was a Macy’s sale. Terrific sale. Found a sweater originally priced at $696, marked down to $70. What a bargain!

Some little old lady arrived. She asked me what was going on. I told her about the sale, and showed her the sweater. Then she and I walked around, looking for bargains for her and talking with the sales help and other shoppers.

They announced the store was closing and directed us to go sleep in beds they’d set up. The beds had to be shared, but they put pillows between people. After I was in bed, I remembered the sale, and stared writing a blog post in my head in my dream, in my sleep. But I couldn’t remember all of the dream’s details, so I got up and started the dream over. I knew the dream was repeating, but everyone else knew they’d already done the dream, so confusion ensued. The little old woman wanted to know why I was dreaming it again. I told her that I needed to remember the details because I wanted to blog about the experience. That bothered her; she wanted to leave. I wouldn’t let her go, because the dream wasn’t done. That interrupted the dream, so I made everyone start the dream over again. They weren’t very enthusiastic with this third dream performance. Many rushed their lines and movement, and some forgot what they were supposed to do. I laughed at that. Since that wasn’t part of the original dream, it annoyed my dream extras.

I awoke thinking, I need to dream that again….

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Friday’s Bumper Sticker

I figured I’d put this out there, since stores have begun playing Christmas music, and the formal launch to the holiday shopping season is looming on the calendar….

 

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Today’s Theme Music

We’ve survived the initial shopping volley.

Actually, I went out yesterday and discovered it wasn’t that bad. We did our usual routine. Went by CostCo because we needed to fuel the car. Ended up with a cart load of other necessities, like tp, soup and wine. Then off to PetSmart where they were severely understocked for kitty litter and food for our (grit teeth) furry beloveds, followed by Trader Joe’s for some items (like my shaving balm), and then to Shop ‘n Kart for our produce, cheeses and essentials.

The routine nestled us with familiarity and grounded us, needed after the interlude of Thanksgiving shopping, prepping and socializing. Each born under the astrological sign of Cancer (I’m a Leo rising), we’re like hermit crabs, preferring solitude, home and routines. My wife wants to be a social queen but it empties her energy tanks and then she crumples for a few days.

Still, it’s nice to visit with others and go where everybody knows your name.

By the way, my wife despises the television show ‘Cheers’ because of their portrayal of women. I see her point but I enjoyed it back when it was on.

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Hey Jude

What was the list? We’d written items on the blackboard. I paused by the rice to visualize the chalk scribblings and compare it to the shopping cart. Sweet pot, broc, car, ban, OM, cil. All secured. Ch. Butt. Brd. Blk b. Lem.

I’ll head for the cheese, get that done – no, the bread is closer. I’ll go through the bread to cross the store to reach the cheese. Then I’ll swing back by the rear aisle for the butter, detour to the canned goods for the black beans and lemonades, and then, off list, perhaps a bit o’ choc.

The store is easily Ashland’s most popular. Shop ‘n Kart has a vibe of peace and food. Lots of organics. Nice selections of fresh produce, cheeses, beers and wines, and green stuff made to help us reduce waste and our foot print. Good location, too, here on the town’s south side, off Ashland where it meets Tolman. Busy, busy place.

Background music plays. It’s usually rock. Sometimes it’s classical. ‘Hey Jude’ came on as I surveyed the bread and found the whole wheat offering desired. I sang along, remembering when I heard and sang along as a child. Shifting gears, I veered past other shoppers, passing as I remembered, pol – for polenta, backtracking to the pasta zone. Others softly sang with the Beatles as I went.

Exiting that aisle, I entered the perpendicular central aisle toward the  dairy cases. ‘Hey Jude’ swelled. So did the store singing. More and more people sang the song, and sang it louder and louder. I don’t know if they knew they sang aloud, or if they were conscious of others singing aloud, but hearing more singing as the French horns flared and Sir McCartney sang, I half-expected the shoppers to begin synchronized dancing.

“Na, na, nah, na-na-na-na.” Visions of ‘Basketball Jones’ surfaced from my teenage years. I heard someone say, “Now the cashiers,” and the cashiers took up ‘Hey Jude’, then they called for “just the people in the ice cream section,” and they joyfully spun in their Nikes and sandals, kicking their legs up in their jeans, skirts, cargo shorts and capris, raising their eyes and smiling toward an unseen ceiling camera, holding out their purchases as they sang, “Hey Jude, judy, judy, judy, wow.”

The song ended. The singing silenced. Dancing stopped. Shopping resumed. Most of it had been in my head, of course, unlike the shopping list, which was now gone. Where was I going?

‘Nights in White Satin’ began. I heard someone softy singing along, but realized it was only me.

References:

Hey Jude

Basketball Jones

Nights in White Satin

 

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