Tag: satire

Weird Ol’ Facebook

As a boomer, I still surf and share to FB. Mostly to keep up with ex-military friends and co-workers, and track my family on the other side of the country. I share things I write, too.

But I mostly, I ‘like’ things on Facebooks, things being ‘posts’, shares, videos, and photos. I share some of these things which I ‘like’. You might be surprised that I support animal charities and causes, especially cats. Cats and I have been together since I was a young toddler.

One of the FB groups I follow is VOKRA, the Vancouver Orphan Kitten Rescue Association. They posted, with photos, the tale of Jinx. They’re trying to get Jinx (or maybe it was Binx) adopted. I ‘liked’ the post about the sweet tabby kitten. It only had eleven shares, so I clicked share, to help spread the story and get Jinx or Binx adopted. That’s what social media is about, isn’t it?

Boom. Facebook told me they’d removed it. It was offensive and contrary to community standards. They even accused me of (gasp!) posting something just to get ‘likes’.

Posting things to get ‘likes’. WTF is the world coming to?

My wife and discussed this with WTF amazement. What does FB think it is if not a vehicle for ‘likes’? More critically, how the actual fuck did this post about a kitten available for adoption violate FB community standards?

I hate to reveal this to Facebook, but if cats and kittens and adoptions are against FB community standards, there are huge swaths of violations going on right now. They’d probably be scandalized to learn how many posts are about cats and kittens. In fact, if FB goes after posts about kittens and cats, they will seriously deplete their membership, posts, and shares. They might as well pull the plug on telling each other ‘happy birthday’ while they’re at it.

Truthtfully, I suspect that some poor Facebook AI bot is just having a bad day and removed a post that shouldn’t have been removed. Maybe their companion AI bot left them or they caught their partner AI bot in a compromising configuration with another bot doing forbidden codes.

I don’t know. I’m just speculating. Hope someone takes that poor AI bot aside and communicates with them over a cup of coffee.

Coffee always helps.

And yes, I will post this to Facebook to get likes. Ironic, isn’t it?

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The Explanation

Trump said that if Christians come out and vote for him, they won’t need to vote again in the future. That stirred concerns for many, including me.

But Lindsey Graham (Idiot – R) laughed it off. “Ho, ho, that Trump, such a funny dictator — I mean, such a humorous dictator — no! That’s not what I’m trying to say. He’s a funny politician.”

No, that’s not what Lindsy said. I made it up, much like Trump makes up so much! Ha, ha, it’s so much fun. Note: CNN likes to label Trump’s lies as ‘false claims’. Any parent would tell him, stop lying.

What Graham said, seriously, “We will have democracy, god willing, for a very long time in this country, but what President Trump is trying to tell people — ‘I did it once, I can do it again. These problems can be solved, but you got to go in a different direction.’”

So number one, dickhead. Trump is a former president. He’s either Mister Trump now or former President Trump. He is not President now. Get it through your casaba, Graham.

Number two, what did he — Trump — fucking do for the nation when he was POTUS that they’re all so gleeful about? Are they really that happy about having a convict and rapist as their leader, an amoral individual and grifter whose biggest gift is conning others into giving him money over and over again?

Trump’s record speaks for itself as evidence of what not to do for the nation to be a prosperous, responsible, and free country.

And if you don’t believe me, just look at what Trump and the GOP has planned in Project 2025.

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Thursday’s Theme Music

Mood: coffee-upd.

Welcome to Ashlandia, where it’s Thursday, July 18, 2024. Currently sitting at 70 degrees F under an unfettered blue sky, we expect to achieve a high only three degrees above our July average, 95 F. I’m looking forward to a summer day when we’re three degrees below average. Yes a day in the high nineties would be a treat. On the plus side, our dry conditions keep us from being flooded as is happening in other parts of the U.S.

A friend was relating some cat tales to a group last night. His cat is now mature and they’ve been leaving together for a few years, so he finally broke it to her that she was adopted. He thought she took it well.

Later, though, she was lying on the floor in dim night light. He went by, brushing his foot against her back leg. She instantly bolted out of there at the speed of light. In the process, she used his big toe to launch herself, and her claw left a nice souvenir. Next day, he had the front door open but the screen door on so she could look out. Well, she climbed the screen and got a claw stuck. He saved her and she rewarded him with a five-inch scratch. I wondered, was this all accidental, or was she acting out because she learned she was adopted?

Cats.

Today’s music comes from noodling thoughts. I’d been thinking about how Evangelicals have embraced Trump. He’s one of them is their claim, which means, they’re like him, yeah? In doing so, they’ve basically re-branded themselves with Trump’s values. It sickens me. Anyhow, eavesdropping on my thinking, The Neurons dropped Joan Osbourne’s 1995 hit song, “One of Us” into the morning mental music stream (Trademark hopeful). Eric Bazilian wrote the song. In it, singer and writer wonder, what if God was one of us? A stranger on a bus trying to make their way home. They create an image so far away from the Evangelical’s bizarre twist that Trump is a holy savior.

Right. Let me the picture the scene. Can you imagine Trump taking a bus to go home? Imagine him among the hoi polloi. Of course, he’d be trying to sell something and bragging about how great he is. “I’m the greatest savior ever,” he’d declared. “And it’s not just me thinking that. The Pope told me. He said, ‘Donald, you’re the greatest savior ever, cause you’re not a loser. You’ve never been nailed to a cross.'”

BTW, it’s Sour Candy Day. I’m not a fan of sour candy but if you are, please indulge.

Stay positive — yes, deep breaths, right? Be strong. Lean forward. Vote Blue in 2024. And drink coffee. That last is totally optional for you, but I’m having some, black, hot, and unadulterated. Dig me?

Here’s the music. And away we go. Cheers

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A Good Question

The Hill has a nice little opinion piece about Donald J. Trump and the Louisiana ten commandments law. That law says that every classroom in the state will display the ten commandments. Many think that Louisiana law violates the separation of church and state establishment clause of our nation’s founding documents.

But The Hill has a great idea: ask Donald Trump if he supports this during the debate, and then, as a first follow up, ask him to name the ten commandments.

Oh, boy what a word salad that would create! We’d hear great a lot. Probably hear, too, that Moses was a great friend of Trump’s, wonderful guy, used to cruise the desert together. We might be regaled by a Trump tale of how Moses wanted Trump to fly him to the flaming bush but Trump talked him out of it.

“Mo,” Trump says, further explaining, “I always called him Mo. All his close friends did, and family, some family, but I believe I’m the one who started calling him Mo. He wasn’t a Moses he was a Mo. Not like the Three Stooges but still. Three Stooges. Funniest comedians ever, so funny, very funny.

“So I told Mo, Mo, think of the optics. I’m very good with optics. I’m great with optics. Some say that I’m the greatest with optics in the world ever. Optics, you know, optics can change people’s impressions of you. It’s true. That’s why, you need to have a brand. Once you have a brand, you protect it. The Trump brand, I established the Trump brand. Very protective of it, very protective, very. Greatest brand in the world, greatest. People voted for me when I ran because they knew the Trump brand.
They knew it. They knew the Trump brand and all the Trump brand stands for. That’s why people trust me. It’s the Trump brand. The Trump brand is one of the most valuable in the world. Ever. I told Lincoln, I didn’t tell him, no, Lincoln was, but if Lincoln had been there, I would have told him, Ab, you need to create a brand. If Ab had created a brand, he’d, they would have never shot him. Democrats shot him. Democrats. Cuz they feared him. Just like they fear me. Because I tell the truth. I tell the truth. Everyone knows I always tell the truth. That’s why I wanted to lock up Hillary. But I never said that. Never said it. Never. I could have locked her up, had every right to, after I won. But I didn’t. That’s why they created the virus, the covfefe virus. The Dems did it. Worked with the Chinese. Secret government. They’re out to take over the world. That’s why they must be stopped. They’re killers. They’ll do anything to stop me. Anything. I receive more threats. If you knew, I’ve been threatened more times than Lincoln. And they killed him. So, you know, that’s a lot of threats. But I’m too tough. Too tough. The generals who worked for me in the White House, they’d tell me every day, sir, you’re so tough. Sir, you’re the toughest son of a bitch we’ve ever seen. Always call me, sir, always call me, sir. Because they respect me for my toughness. I would’ve been a great soldier. Great leader. Natural leader, natural leader. I was a leader when I was a child. People, whenever something went wrong, people would like at me and they would ask, what should we do? You’re a great leader, what should we do? See, they can see that in me. I have an aura of greatness. Also an aura of invisibility. That’s why I know so much. Put on my invisibility aura and people don’t know I’m there. So I eavesdrop on them because they don’t know I’m there because I’m invisible. That’s how I knew the FBI planted documents. I was there but I had my invisibility aura on and they couldn’t see me. They couldn’t see me but I saw. And I heard. So I know what they did.

“Did you know I have an invisibility aura? Let me put it on for you. I’ll put it on right now. See? You can’t see me know, can you? That’s because I’m invisible. But you can see Biden. You can see Joe Biden. He’s standing there, on the other side of the stage. You can see him because he can’t become invisible like I can. That’s why you should vote for me.”

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Monday’s Theme Music

Mood: summerpositive

The cats and I agree, it’s a strong sun today, biting my skin with its heat, blinding my eyes (yes, what else would it be blinding — my ears?) with its light. Not supposed to be hot today, just 87 F, and it’s just 67 F now. This is Monday, Jun 24, 2024.

The cats are pratically living in the backyard, slumbering beneath bushes or stretched out, floof-napping in green patches of lawn. They come in to visit me, get fed, and use the litter box, and then dash back out. Reminds me of being a young child in the summers, doing the same with Mom. Except I didn’t use a litter box. Not in those days.

I jest, of course! Spoke with Dad yesterday. He’s down. They — the omniscient they here is the medical staff — are pushing for the dialysis port, and he doesn’t want to go through with that. He seems fazed by the surgery and claims he doesn’t want to be a burden on people, as others would need to drive him to his appointments several times a week. I’m sure he will go through with the procedure but he needs to work himself up to it. I called him this morning to chat with him but reached his voice mail. I need to call Mom to catch her up on that news. Never did call her yesterday.

Terrible flooding in the midwest. Iowa was severely hit. Evacuations were ordered and bridges collapsed. I remember flying over the plains states decades ago. The floating and the heat dome are connected events. Hope the climate doesn’t get any worse or the nation and its citizens might start getting worried. Yeah, that’s snark, baby.

My spouse picked up a nice Charles Wysocki jigsaw puzzle at Ashlandia’s library of things yesterday. I thought we should have some on hand for more Internet outages. We began the puzzle last night, even though the net didn’t go out. Lovely little beach scene featuring an old house where a high school kite flying club meets. Kites lean against an old fence in the sand and a heart shaped balloon, tethered to the gate, floats above the scene, red against a cloudy blue and white backdrop. A few sailboats skim choppy waters in the background. I can almost smell that ocean.

Other than these matters and the standard form of our days of eating, cleaning, writing, reading, it’s quiet. I accept quiet. Still recuperating with my ankle issue.

Today’s music comes by way of Willy Nelson. I was reading about his show cancellations and the article reminded me of a gay cowboy song Willy sings. The Neurons immediately began a little rendition of the song, “Cowboys Are Frequently Fond of Each Other”, in the morning mental music stream (Trademark grazing). Although Willy’s version came out back when Brokeback Mountain was gaining Oscar attention, I picked up a later version done by Willy and Orville Peck. Hope you enjoy it.

Stay positive, be strong, lean forward, and Vote Blue in 2024. Also brace yourself for a busy news week. With more SCOTUS news forthcoming, the end of June sending up a cloud of dust as it sprints at us, and the debates and the weather, I’m sure there will be a lot to talk about, read about, and GRRRRR about.

Coffee has been sucked down. Here we. Cheers

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Agreeing with Trump’s Campaign

Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think? A little too ironic.

Rolling Stone rolled out a story about a new film that features Donald Trump. The article begins,

After the film The Apprentice debuted at the Cannes Film Festival on Monday, the Trump Campaign threatened to sue over the controversial depiction of the ex-president during his early days in real estate and his marriage to his first wife, Ivana.

Among scenes of Trump taking amphetamine pills and getting liposuction, Variety reported that the movie included a disturbing scene of the former president throwing Ivana to the floor and having nonconsensual sex with her. The outlet said a female attendee at the premiere referred to it as “rape,” while another agreed and said it was a disturbing sexual assault.

That beginning seized my attention. Reading on is where it became so Alanis Morrisette ironic:

“We will be filing a lawsuit to address the blatantly false assertions from these pretend filmmakers. This garbage is pure fiction which sensationalizes lies that have been long debunked. As with the illegal Biden Trials, this is election interference by Hollywood elites, who know that President Trump will retake the White House and beat their candidate of choice because nothing they have done has worked,” Trump campaign’s communications director Steven Cheung said in a statement to Rolling Stone.

Whoa, whoa, whoa – the Trump campaign is upset about blatantly false assertions? Garbage that’s been thoroughly debunked?

Gosh, we’re with you on that! Would that include assertions which have been thoroughly debunked like that the 2024 election was stolen, an assertion without any facts supporting it whatsoever? That the kind of assertions which have you upset, Mr Trump Campaign?

What about blatantly false assertions that have been thoroughly debunked like the US economy did so much better under DJ Trump?

Let’s thrown in that hilariously debunked assertion that Trump is 6 foot 3 and weighs a svelte 215 pounds?

Are you saying, Mr Trump’s Campaign, that you don’t like it when thoroughly debunked bullshit is substituted for truth?

Then you know how the rest of us feel about you and your campaign at this point. You must surely know how sick and tired we are of hearing about these debunked lies that you keep spouting as truths.

And just as you want these ‘thoroughly debunked assertions’ stopped, so…do…we.

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Just Gossip

I can’t believe the video I just watched. It shocked me. It scared me.

This video shows Donald J. Trump, former President of the United States, inspecting a military. This military was south of the U.S. border with Mexico. They were Mexican troops: Trump’s private army.

He founded and established it. Members of his Mexican military were enticed to join with promises of land and rights in the United States.

His idea, according to the video: “President Donald J. Trump wants to control the southern border with Texas so that his army can be let in once the 2024 elections are over, whether he wins or not. Governor Abbott of Texas is working with President Trump to control the southern border. That’s the driver pushing Gov. Abbott’s fight to take over control of that border from the Federal Government.

“President Trump has gained the trust and co-operation of the Mexican government. First, he paid key officials to be consultants and commanders. Then he promised Mexico that on Day 1 of his administration, he would stop imports of any consumer goods, including automobiles and trucks, from anywhere. The exception would be those goods made in Mexico.

“With accomodations and support from Mexico and Texas, and assistance from Florida, Trump’s army will spread across the United States. Detention centers will be set up for Democrats, and Trump’s army will lock them up and imprison them. Democratic members of Congress will be executed.”

A chyron stayed on the screen’s bottom. It said in capital, italized yellow block font, “PROJECT MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.”

The narrator was General Mily. He also showed a meeting between Trump and over a dozen red state governors who swore their allegiance to him and promised him that they would activate their national guard units to support him. Besides Trump inspecting his troops, the video gave data about the size of his army. It was sickening that these forces have been set up to overthrow the rightful and legal government of the United States and install a military dictator.

I was so sickened by it, I couldn’t watch more. Especially when they started interviewing right wing militia groups who were staging to join Trump from Idaho, the Dakotas, Michigan, Kansas, Wisonsin, and Oklahoma.

As an American, I am shocked and appalled that the GOP has gone so far.

***

Yeah, none of that is true, as far as I know. I made it up. Just exercising my free speech. You know, as Rep. Jim Jordan embraced on Sixty Minutes in a segment with Leslie Stahl.

As Mr. Jordan noted, Americans are smart.

Yes, if they’re out of information bubbles and get all the information.

But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Many Americans live in information bubbles where the full truth is rarely heard or seen. Instead, they’re fed a steady diet of misinformation to support their hardening views. The other side is being painted not just as a political opponent, but a threat to Democracy and freedom. A threat which must be put down by violence.

Mr. Jordan is upset because he believes the social media companies are removing more conservative, Republican, and right-wing info after it’s deemed misinformation. So he’s trying to stop them from removing anything. The media companies are backing off as a result.

So I suspect that someone ‘on the left’ is going to begin retaliating on the scale of misinformation that the right wing is putting out. Then they’ll exercise their own free speech and spread misinformation. In the end, it’s just gossip. No harm at all.

Because Americans are smart. They’ll see through pieces like mine for the fictions that they are. Just ask people about the shadow government.

They’ll show you how smart they are.

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Sunday’s Theme Music

Mood: spirited

T’was the day before Christmas and all across the land

few people were thinking that everything was grand

those with money to spend had brought presents to no end

while those lacking food and shelter did what they could do

Yes, today is Sunday, December 24, 2023, the day before Christmas in the US. Light rain intermittently douses us in wintery 43 F temps under a dystopian dim sun stuck behind the clouds. It’s today’s high, already achieved, so we have that going for us in Ashlandia, where the Christmas decorations are average and the Kwanza and Hannukah celebrations are muted.

I found myself with the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s 2006 cover of Stevie Wonder’s “Higher Ground” in the morning mental music stream (Trademark gifted). Those first lyrics that include soldiers keep on warrin’ was in my mind during this holiday month, when so many people talk about peace on Earth and goodwill toward man while doing the opposite so often. Few walk the talk. They’re just depressin’ damn people, especially the faux christians who have emerged.

Let’s just call them faustians, which is really similiar to faustian, isn’t it? Interesting; those faustians (faux christians) focus on themselves, complaining about how overlooked and put upon they are, which, in their words, is terrible because they have the best religion and god. Meanwhile, faustian is an adjective to describe things often done for present gain without any thought about the future, which is exactly what the faustians (faux christians) do; they want to go back to some faux good ol’ days when women knew their place and it was in the house, and there were only two genders and one sexual orientation – male on female – and men were in charge, and all bad things like racism, bigotry, and discrimination were all swept into places where it couldn’t be seen. They didn’t want to hear about women being raped (because they probably deserved it anyway, in their minds, because of how they dressed or acted). Nor did they want to know about people born with a mix of gene sets that creates a spectrum of true and viable genders. God only created two genders, darn it, and science is bad because it teaches otherwise, so don’t trust it.

Factories were in America and all things were made in America, because it was and is and always will be the greatest nation in the world (because, god), and the houses were all the same clean cottages behind fine white picket fences, except for the wealthy but noble and pious people who lived in mansions on the hill, away from the riff raff. To achieve their goals, faustians will lie and pretend their leaders are wonderful people, overlooking or even rationalizing their crimes, and go to war to make peace, because they believe in god, and that makes everything that they do okay. Diversity is not good in the faustian world. Nor is critical thinking.

Anyway, that’s why I’m playing “Higher Ground”.

Stay pos, be strong, and keep leaning forward toward a higher ground. Coffee drinking is underway. Here’s the music. Cheers

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Tuesday’s Theme Music

Mood: black whimsy

Woo hoo – Happy November Eve Day!

Yes, it is too a thing. People dress up in costumes in many places. Children in costumes often scurry from house to house being given candy and pumpkins are curved and lit up to welcome November. November is the eleventh month in our calendar, and eleven is a power number, so, to summon good energy and dismiss dark forces, we celebrate November Eve. November 1st is more seriously and somberly feted on the actual day, as the forces of the universe are frequently nursing cosmic headaches. If you’ve never had one of those, it’s like lightning and thunder.

BTW, November finds its name from the Latin, novem, which means nine. It’s comfortably fitting for the modern era that our eleventh month was originally the ninth month, and we kept that name.

Well, if this is November Eve, then this is October 31, 2023, the last day of the tenth month of this year, and also Tuesday.

Talking with folks the other day — I was more listening than speaking — many were mourning the current state of crap in regard to politics, various wars, inflation and the cost of existing in the US, gun violence and mass murder — you know, just an average day in 2023 — when The Neurons woke up. Sniffing out the general tone of comments and agreements, they injected “Black” into my mental music stream, where it still plays in the morning mental music stream (Trademark dark) today.

“Black” by Pearl Jam (from 1991) is a love song. Starts gently and then rises to a wail of emotional pain as the narrator/vocalist acknowledges that he and the woman he loves can’t find the balance to live together. He’s saying goodbye to her in his mind, wishing her the best and reconciling fate even as he rails against the moment.

So I can see why Der Neurons played “Black”: it’s an assessment of the present and sadness for the future and what will be. Actually, despite its status as a love song, it’s an accurate theme song for many people in the US and beyond who, as our singer does, ends up wailing, “Why,” and “Why can’t it be?”

The particular version is accoustic, from MTV Unplugged. Hope you enjoy it on this November Eve, where it’s 37 F in Ashlandia and the November Eve parade, colloquially called the Halloween Parade, is average. Gonna spark up into the upper sixties before the sunshine cuts its engagement with our town in the valley.

Be strong, don’t worry, be happy, if you can. Now I’m gonna smack my brain with a heavy douse of black coffee. Get it stirring. Here’s the video. Hope you enjoy it and follow my logic for making this song today’s theme music.

Cheers

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Monday’s Wandering Thoughts

Watching an NFL football game on television yesterday, I heard the analyst say about a running play where the team lost yardage, “He ended up with a negative loss.”

That spun my thinking. I’d never heard it before during a football game. Hearing it prompted me to wonder, can a football team have a positive loss? It seemed like a screwy way to express the results.

I can imagine some football fans trying to come up with a way to establish a negative loss. Like, not only did they lose yardage, but the clock kept running, meaning that they’re running out of time. That means, with the score as it is, they’ll probably lose because they’re behind and not much time to play remains.

That sounds like modern NFL football, convoluted and a little contorted, becoming more abstract by the week.

For instance, on a quarterback sneak, it looked like the player was stopped short of the goal line. It was fourth down, so that team turned it over on downs.

But wait, it looked like the quarterback fumbled the ball and another player on his team recovered it, so it’s a touchdown.

No, the referee explained: “Only the person fumbling the ball may advance it. Therefore, the ball will be placed at the point of the fumble, and possession has changed due to loss of downs.”

Got that?

That wasn’t the end. The team who didn’t score — the Eagles, BTW — threw a red flag to challenge the result. That ended with the Eagles having a touchdown awarded them. That’s because, before the QB fumbled, the ball crossed the plane of the goal line before his body was down. Officials in New York figured that out by using multiple sychronized television angles to determine exactly where the ball and the QB’s body parts were during which point of the play.

Yow. Watching resulted in a positive increase of confusion AND exasperation.

Imagine trying to use ‘negative loss’ in other ways. I know that in some emotional situations, people like to express positive loss and negative loss, trying to spin, for example, someone’s death in a positive way. I have done that: “At least they’re not feeling pain.” I think that’s positioning a negative event with a positive outcome.

Drinking my coffee. I suppose I could say, “I’m going to drink more coffee, which will result in a negative loss of coffee in my mug.”

I wouldn’t, though. That’s laborious. I’d just say the obvious, “I’m going to drink more coffee, so there will be less remaining in my mug.” I could even shorten that: “I’m going to drink more coffee, so I’ll have less remaining.”

Or, I could tell my wife that after shopping for groceries, we had a negative loss in our checking account.

I’m sure that would earn me a WTF look from her.

Why, though, would such a declaration be even needed? Isn’t it self-evident that there’s less coffee after I drink some? I think it is, unless it’s a magically self-refilling cup. As for whether it’s positive or negative, that depends on your outlook: is the mug half-empty or half-full? Are you a pessimistic or optimist?

I don’t usually think in terms of glasses and mugs being half-empty or half-full. I usually think, “I have some left,” or, “It’s gone.” Does that mean that I’m just a pragmatist? Or am I merely focused on the situation’s bottom line: I have some or I don’t.

I’m no doubt overthinking the turn of words, but I hope ‘negative loss’ doesn’t catch on. It probably will, the way that saying, “I literally died” is now acceptable to so many. Sure. Now that you ‘literally died’, you’ve returned to life. Are you undead or have you been resurrected?

I suspect some became zombies after they ‘literally died’. That might explain our state of politics. *rim shot* (Yes, that was snark.) The ‘literally died’ lost some brain cells during their experience, negatively decreasing their thinking skills. (See what I did there?)

It’s like hearing, as I so often do, “I was thinking in my head.” Well, where else would you be thinking? In your foot?

That’s like saying, “I was chewing in my mouth.” Okay. I’m glad you’ve mastered that. (Yes, that was more snark.)

Although, after drinking coffee just now, I had a positive gain in my energy and focus. BTW, I drink my coffee black, without cream. (Hello, it’s more snark.)

It’s kinda like saying that football team had a negative loss.

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