Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
FTF (Faster Than Floof) (floofinition) – The hypothesis that only non-humans can travel at speeds faster than the speed of light. The special theory of floofactivity implies that only quantum animals (such as housepets like cats and dogs) can reach such speeds, doing so almost instantaneously, allowing them to apparently simultaneously occupy more than one place.
In use: “Anyone with pets know that many are capable of FTF; just open a can and watch them arrive.”
Pobrefloof (floofinition) – Poor animal.
In use: “Wanting to go for a walk but being denied, the dog sulked with his leash in his mouth. “Pobrefloof,” she said, walking by. “I’ll walk you before I leave, honey, but I can’t now, I’m not dressed yet.” Sighing, the dog dropped the leash.”
Floofdious (floofinition) An animal of a serious demeanor, prone to studying others, such as birds, insects, and flowers.
In use: “The St. Bernard was a floofdious mother, content with relaxing in the back and soaking in the world as the day stole past.”
Floofuit (floofinition) – 1. A channel or path regularly used by animals. 2. A person who understands animals on deeper levels, often referred to as an animal whisperer, e.g., the cat whisperer, horse whisperer, or dog whisperer.
In use: “A path was worn across the yard from a hole in the fence on one side to a hole in the fence on other side, a floofuit used by skunks and foxes, and cats and raccoons, according to the camera that Shelly set up to monitor the floofuit.”
Floofcotheque (floofinition) – A floofclub for dancing, often featuring sophisticated quantum systems, elaborate lighting, and other effects.
In use: “Each night, the cats hurried to the door at exactly the same time, demanding to leave, prompting Pam to joke, “Hot date,” without realizing that the kitties were hurrying to the floofcotheque to dance to the Backyard Dogs.”
A persistent assistant
and ever-present friend
he’s with me wherever I’m at
it’s an established trend
In the bed
on the pot
across the street
by the vacant lot
On the chair
when I read
by the table
when I feed
He needs to know
what I’m doing
and watches around corners
(I don’t know who he thinks he’s fooling)
Wherever I go
he is there
as if my being
is his only care
But once in a while
I spy on him as he’s sleeping
watching him move paws and whiskers
wondering, what’s he dreaming?
Fahrfloofgnügen (floofinition) – To drive an animal for fun in a vehicle.
In use: “It was silly, but the cats and dogs enjoyed going for rides in the van, and a fahrfloofgnügen around town became a recurring evening ritual.”
Sobfloofquet (floofinition) – An animal’s descriptive name or epifloof.
In use: “The dog was originally called Royal but after he grew bigger and bigger, and galloped through the house like, quote, “a herd of elephants,” he was given the sobfloofquet of Elephant (sometimes shortened to just Phant).
Michael Seidel, writer 