Tag: pet humor

AF (Artificial Flooftelligence)

AF (Artificial Flooftelligence) (floofinition) 1. Machines or toys made to emulate or duplicate animal behavior or sounds. Origins:

In Use: “Some companies and people think that AF (Artificial Flooftelligence) is the way to go, giving people the impression that they have a fur friend with little barking and meowing mechanical critters, but true floof lovers recognize the soulessness of these mechanical devices.”

2. Attributing greater smarts to an animal than they actually have. Origins: Internet circa 2017.

In Use: “People who live with pets often claim their furry sweetie is the smartest ever, ascribing the critters with artificial flooftelligence like the animals are Stephen Hawkings in animal guise.”

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Flooflogism

Flooflogism (floofinition) – Deductive reasoning animals employ through a series of cascading observations and conclusions. Origins: Middle Flooflish floogisme, from Anglo-Floof floofogisme, from Flooftin floofgismus, animal calculating.

In Use: “Using flooflogism, Rebel concluded, everything looks like food, I like to eat food, so I’ll eat everything, and began munching on a slipper.”

In Use: “Messup’s flooflogism inspired her to always jump to the highest place she can, so one could never easily spot her and always had to search the highest, most unimaginable places.”

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Floofsoundpretation

Floofsoundpretation (floofinition) – Ability to hear animal activities and discern what they’re doing, based on the sound. Predominantly applies to housepets. Origins: Floofmany (located in Germany), first noted in Germany letters in the 1880s.

In Use: “Living with cats all of her life made Anita well-versed in floofsoundpretation, and as soon as she heard a light thump, she shouted, “Misty, you better get off that kitchen counter right now,” then nodded as a subsequent thud revealed that Misty had jumped down.”

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BFF

BFF (floofinition) – Shorthand for ‘best floof friend’ or alternatively, ‘best fur friend’. Origins: Internet circa 1999.

In Use: “Pogo and Scheckter, aka the infamous OrangeBoiz, were not just brothers but BFFs, hunting, sleeping, eating, and playing together through all cycles of day and night and all seasons of weather.”

In Use: “It’s not uncommon for a human to become a BFF. That was certainly the case with Merlin, who cared not a paw for other animals, but adored his BFF, Shirl, shadowing her in all endeavors.”

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Acfloofpuncture

Acfloofpuncture (floofinition) – Floofese practice of inserting claws into skin to cure disease, relieve pain, incur relaxation, or for amusement. Origins: 1784, Flooftin.

In Use: “Snuggles was rapidly demonstrating herself as an acfloofpuncture specialist, sinking claws into every piece of human skin offered her.”

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Floofgonist

Floofgonist (floofinition) – An animal involved in a struggle. Origins: 1658, France & Floofland.

In Use: “As soon as Quinn spotted a spider, he became a floofgonist in a battle to vanquish the eight-legged foe, even though said foe scared the hell out of him, causing Quinn to spring backward when the spider moved his way.”

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Floof Caddy

Floof Caddy (floofinition) 1. A person designated to tend to animals’ needs and manage the animal’s appointments. Origins: 1853, Scotland.

In Use: “Greatly annoying her, Lisa discovered she was the house dog’s floof caddy, picking up his toys, tidying his bed, cleaning and refilling his food and water dishes, checking his supplies, and while she loved Elmo, she really thought someone else in the house of six should be sharing those duties.”

2. An object or space designed or used to hold food or objects made for animals.

In Use: “After seeing a garden tool caddy on sale, Martha wondered if there was a floof caddy which did a similar thing, and then had a friend make one for her, based on her specs.”

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Floofologica

Floofologica (floofinition) – Inability to rememember a name or term associated with animals. Origins: 1970s United States.

In Use: “One struggle with caring for Sybil’s pets for her while Sybil was on vacation was Chloe’s floofologica. Of the three cats, two dogs, and single bird, the only one whose name she recalled was the bird’s, Amber, because her favorite drinking beverage was amber ale.”

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Flooftotum

Flooftotum (floofinition) – An animal who does multiple kinds of work. Origins: Flooftin, mid-16th century.

In Use: “Chase, a new household addition, quickly revealed herself to be a flooftotum, a true floof-of-all-trades, overseeing baths, dusting, making the bed, sorting laundry, cooking, and eating, in addition to providing security by keeping the yard free of other critters and issuing warnings about interlopers.”

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