Tag: pet humor

Floofmate

Floofmate (floofinition) – 1. Animal or human’s position during an interaction which stops the other from moving.

In use: “The cat employed love eyes, a loud purr, and air biscuits to pin Rosie to her chair (with him on her lap) and gain floofmate.”

2. Animal or person who is a companion to another animal, or an animal who accompanies a person.

In use: “Scooby the little Yorkie and Loki, the big black cat, were constant floofmates, not just to one another, but to Beda, helping her in every aspect of her life at home, always there, no matter what was going on, unless it involved the vacuum cleaner.”

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Floofcial

Floofcial (floofinition) – 1. Involving or relating to animal activities in which people spend time talking to animals, doing enjoyable things with animals, or sponsoring events which benefit animals.

In use: “A cat floofcial was happening in the backyard, with the three resident cats in their customary places being visited by three neighbor cats sitting on the fences, stopping by to say hello and chew the kibble, so to speak.”

2. Experience of an animal cleaning a human face with its tongue.

“Whenever she got home, her dog had to conduct a thorough floofcial, as if he was cleansing her of the outside world.”

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Floofs Alone

Floof Alone (floofinition) – Comedy film about animals’ floofnanigans when they’re behind at home during a holiday and thwart criminals’ attempts to break into the house.

In use: “One of the highlights in Floofs Alone is the sequence when the burglars are kept from entering the house because of traps set by the home’s cats, dog, and bird through clever use of their toys, litter box, aided by the bird’s ability to mimic noises such as police sirens and guns firing, a skill acquired by observing the children’s video games.”

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Infloofnito

Infloofnito (floofinition) – Animals’ ability to change shapes and appear as someone or something other than who and what they are.

In use: “Animals sometimes employ their infloofnito skills for fun, becoming part of the furniture as a joke on their people, watching as they walk around, calling their names and hunting for them.”

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Solflooftary

Solflooftary (floofinition) – Being alone with nobody except an animal.

In use: “Many people find solflooftary time to be the most pleasant and rewarding part of the day, whether it’s walking the dog, visiting with a horse or bird, sitting with a cat or dog sleeping on their lap, or other activities.”

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Snowfloofcross

Snowfloofcross – (floofinition – Games with animals which involve snow, jumps, and turns.

In use: “She always loved introducing her new pets to the snow and watching their reactions. The cats and kittens — except for his meowjasty, Henry the Eighth, of course, who did all with excited abandonment — all walked with frozen stiffness (sorry), shaking off their feet. But the puppies initiated a snowfloofcross, gamboling around with snowy sloppiness.”

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Crotch Floof

Crotch Floof (floofinition) – Animal who obsesses with human crotches.

In use: “Bill had two crotch floofs; a dog that greeted everyone by thrusting his nose into visitors’ crotches, and a twenty-two pound tuxedo cat who insisted on sleeping on Bill’s crotch whenever he sat or lay down.”

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Floof Code

Floof Code (floofinition) – 1. Set of rules imposed on animals by humans.

In use: “The house’s floof code dictated, no cats on the counter, no dogs on the sofa, and no fighting, but the four amigos often broke the three rules.”

2. Official standards and guidelines established by the United Federation of Floofs regarding how animals will interact and treat one another.

In use: “Although the Floof Code was agreed upon over twenty-five years ago, widespread adoption among all species has been slow, with cantankerous species like crocodiles and alligators stubbornly refusing to accept it.”

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Panfloofmonium

Panfloofmonium – (floofinition) – Wild and noisy disorder, confusion, or uproar caused by animals, especially pets.

In use: “The two cats decided on a mad dash, releasing wild meows as they galloped about, attacking air, causing the dog to freak out and start barking in alarm, while the bird mimicked a police siren, and the children laughed at the panfloofmonium.”

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Floofiverse

Floofiverse (floofinition) – Totality of existence, as far as an animal is concerned.

In use: “The dog’s floofiverse began and ended with his yard and his people, although his floofiverse expanded and contracted as his humans took him for rides and walks, which was great, as long as he was with them.”

2. A cosmological model supporting the Fur Theory, which holds that all matter is created from fur and hair shed by animals.

In use: “Keri was dubious of the Fur Theory and the idea of a Floofiverse — which, according to Floofology, held that the universe and its matter was a subset of the Floofiverse created as something to occupy human’s attention, sort of like a bell inside a plastic ball — but she was beginning to be a believer. It certainly seemed like everything was made of cat and dog hair, she thought, on her knees, cleaning animal fur from her carpet, which she had just done yesterday.”

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