Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
When I say I’m alright
I might just be okay
But there could be such a heavy load
That it takes too much to say
You can look for clues in my face
These things usually leave a trace
But what’s going on in my inner space
Is really not in play
I need time to process
To evolve an understanding
Of where I’m at and who I am
After this last round of changes
So when I say I’m alright
I might just be okay
Then okay, I could be miserable
I just don’t want to say
Home is underfoot again. All is as expected and hoped for upon return. Nobody missing, nuttin’ burned down, etc.
Going from the Oregon’s coast 62 F offering to 100 F at home demanded adjustments. From the booming waves crashing like the soft thud of small, distant mortar shelling to here and now’s thundering mutter and sullen air invited mental wow and gosh darn reactions. I’m a little down on my return for a myriad of private reason, mostly induced by churn about life, changes, and aging. I acknowledge my life has been decent and some carry way heavier loads. That’s all logic, though. This is emotional afterbirth. They might come from the same slice of existence but they’re born and live differently.
For the record, today is Munda, August 25, 2025. A friend just announced her husband has been diagnosed with liver, brain, and lung cancer. Triple yikes. Two of the other four with me on vacay battle cancer. My wife battles her autoimmune disease. She aches and fights against being cold. We slept with the heat on at 70 F on the coast. Weirdly, despite my health issues, I seemed to be the healthiest and most energetic of the vacationing sextet.
My sista sent photos of Mom’s new addition. Completion comes soon. Other changes are being contemplated, like shifting the tub out of the first-floor bathroom and putting the washer and dryer in there. It make sense although it doesn’t seem like it overlooks any real long-term needs, problems, and plans. Her beau has lost another five, and now weighs 145 pounds, down by forty pounds. The prognosis for him is dimming.
I see the connections emergin’: like others, I’m losing friends and relatives at a turbulent rate.
Doesn’t help that we returned to news stories that basically paint Trump as convinced that he can do what he wants, because he’s prez. Double standards help stoke my GRRRRRRRR reflex. Like, he’s firing someone (Lisa Cook) because of mortgage fraud allegations? Aren’t there several books about Trump and his financial fairyland tales?
He lies about every effing matter and isn’t subtle. More GRRRRRRing arises from so many GOPers and MAGAteers bending over with glee as the nation they profess to love is destroyed from within.
Today, Der Neurons introduced “Hometown Glory” by Adele. This was a byproduct of both thinking about going home to Ashlandia but also reflecting on things happening ‘back home’ where Mom lives. Where Mom lives always seems like home.
Hope your day was filled with grace and peace. We’re unpacked. The laundry is done. Dinner is eaten. A long day, which was also a short one, is over. That’s the nature of vacation dayz. Cheers
Dad and I spoke for almost an hour today. The conversation energized me, boosting my mood into a happier place. On the surface, a high percentage can be attributed to relief: Dad was home. No greater problems were found during his latest hospital visit, and it was a short one. He and his wife were both friendly, engaging, and happy on their end. Undoubtably this fed me and my spirits.
I also insist, though, that some of this came from just speaking with Dad. He and I are familiars. We mock and respect one another. He’s one of the few people I sense I can really spill myself to regarding what’s going on, whether it’s politics, writing, relationships with my wife, Mom, and sisters, or my DIY projects.
We’ve not always been like these. It’s been a long evolution. I’m glad we made it here, though. It’s taken time. We followed a torturous path. But here we are.
Finally.
Couple things happening now. This being Satyrda, July 5, 2025, we’re over halfway through 2025. You feelin’ better about your life, our world, and the direction of your nation? Secondly, we’re now ‘closer’ to 2050 than to 2000.
Summer continues here in Ashlandia. We topped out at 80 F at my place yesterday. After an overnight low of 52 F, we’re supposed to traverse the mid 80s today. Blue paints the sky here and sunshine is methodically rising over the trees and mountains, bringing light and heat.
After a bout of interesting and uplifting dreams, I rolled into the day feelin’ pretty good. Then I perused the news and life slapped my face. Heatwave in Europe is unabated, with wildfires in Spain, Greece, Turkey. Flash flooding struck Texas and we’re following that story to see what happened to who and how many. Not helping matters, more rain is expected in the flooded areas. MAGA is gleeful about building a new concentration camp, Alligator Alcatraz, in Florida, using FEMA funds. You know, FEMA: Federal Emergency Management Assistance. Trump has turned that into a tool to imprison others instead of helping Americans. Meanwhile, tropical depressions off the U.S. east coast could develop into a hurricane. And the giant Madre fire still burns in Southern California.
But personal moods sometimes plays by its own sheet music so my mind is up. I gotta take advantage of it because you don’t know when something will strike down the mood.
Today’s song is “Higher Love” by Steve Winwood. It’s a personal favorite from my middle adult years. Released in 1986, when I was 30, the song spoke to me. Today I’m 69, and Der Neurons thought it was a good fit for the morning mental music stream. I really enjoy this flashback video and Letterman’s humor. Hope you find it entertaining. As a bonus, “Gimme Some Lovin'” is also performed.
Here we go, into the day. Let it swallow me and become something. I’m going to try to make it a strong one. Hope yours goes well. Cheer
I was ravenous. I carry sufficient emergency energy stores (fat) on my body that starvation didn’t come up as a serious concern except for my stomach’s urgency to refill. It bellowed complaints like an irritated wooky. Much of this is diet limitations. I’m on low salt for hyper tension, and still remained constrained by my oral surgery. It’s healing well but missing molars and recovering surgical sites disrupt the biting, and chewing, and swallowing routine. It’ll be over in four to six months, so that’s just a temp thing.
I’ll be pleased to see June 2025 finish. Frustrating, disappointing, wearying, and just plain sad, that month holed my energy during its 30-day reign, and my soul is despondent. Personally, June of 2025 will remain a strong memory because it was memorably messed up. I’m putting high hopes on July and the rest of 2025. July’s first week features two dental appointments, my annual physical, and natal day #69, so the beginning is loaded with potential.
For the record, I think Natal Day #69 could be good song title, with the right music behind it.
One of my dreams last night left me puzzled but optimistic and in a better mood when I awoke. As I went over its details with myself, one part that captivated me was it featured my first car.
In the dream, I was a young man again, and I was driving my first car. This was a 1965 Mercury Comet. Forest green, it was a four door automatic sedan with a 289 V8.
Dad gave me the car. He’d recently remarried, and this was his new wife’s transpo. Dad bought himself a used service van at an auction to drive to and from work, and turned over his 1974 Chevy Monte Carlo to her to drive. I was completely blown away by their decision. They’d not talked to me about it ahead of time. Until then, I’d been hitching or walking to get around.
With a car, I suddenly had a dating life and began dating the girl who is my wife. Our dates were never much because, car or not, I didn’t have much money. Dad did give me gas money and a few bucks besides. But I was in high school and on sports teams, and local jobs in our rural region were scarce.
After graduating, I joined the military and went in for training. After I returned home from basic training and tech school, I drove that car three hundred miles through a snow storm to my new duty assignment at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, Fairborn, Ohio. It was a taxing drive. Ice and snow were thick on the car by my journey’s end.
One day, the car wouldn’t start. It was probably a starter or selenoid switch. As it was a 1965 car and this was 1975, and it was a four-door sedan, I did what many guys would do, and bought my first used car, a sleek little 1968 Chevy Camaro with a 327 V8. Ah, fun car! Young car!
I left the Comet sitting in its parking spot. A man saw it sitting there without movement, hunted me down, and bought it. I’m not sure how much he gave me but I didn’t haggle. The thing is, though, when he went to change registration, he learned it was still Dad’s car.
Oh, yeah.
Dad was pretty pissed but the sale went through. I still laugh about it, and he still shakes his head.
Frida, June 13th, 2025, breached with cold air and muzzled sunshine. 59 F, we’re pacing ourselves to climb to 74 F. It’s a chill day. Feels good out there.
Another night of dreams. They covered feeling lost and frustrated, ignored, and change that confused me. Awakened, I felt heavy with loss and disappointment, struggling to find direction and traction, like I’m spinning my wheels to stay in place.
We saw more Trump Justice Two Step last night. Judge said, “Illegal to put them National Guard into LA, Donald,” and another court said, “Keep doing it while we talk about this.” I laughed when Trump’s lawyers argued that California should not “second-guess the President’s judgment that federal reinforcements were necessary” and that a federal court should defer to the president’s discretion on military matters. Oh, they can rouse themselves to such pompous righteous indignation. Trump loves to say he’s leaving things up to the states. ‘I’m gonna wean them off FEMA.’ “The people on the ground know what’s going on and can take care of it best,” he said before.
But he’s fast to ignore the state’s rights and decisions when it doesn’t suit him and barge right in wherever the fuck he wants. The principle behind his moves are always, “Me Donald, you I hate.” In this case, he hates Gov. Newsom and California because he lost California. Didn’t get within sniffing distance of winning it.
TACO is very predictable in his lawless ways. “You spit, we hit!” But that wasn’t the case with the J6 insurrectionists. Yeah, they were attacking the nation, doing a lot more damage phsically and judicially, as the J6 gang attacked the police. No, that had TACO saying, “Me Donald, me love you,” because they were doing it for him. He’s sickening, and the GOP is sickening and shameful for going along with his twisted hyperbole. They won’t be happy until they burn the nation down and then they’ll blink their eyes wide and say, “Gosh, what happened?” Just as they did with multiple previous fiascos. See the Gulf Wars as a big fucking example. My contempt for them has surged out past Starlink.
I’m also having a good laugh at MAGAts. They’re trying to excuse the DC parade as planned BT: Before Trump. One MAGAt declared that President Obama became planning it, lazily conflating celebrating the Army’s 250 year anniversary with the bloated military display scheduled for this weekend. That’s the MAGAts, always bending over for TACO to screw them.
I have “Creep” by Radiohead in the morning mental music stream. Just that sort of morning. Here, little TACO. This is for you.
Pressing on with coffee to go get things done. Let’s be safe out there. Cheers
Come in, come in, come in. Welcome to Thursda, June 12 2025.
It was a beautiful night for sleeping for me. After a high in the low 80s F yesterday, the night temp zipped down 52 F. I had a window open over my head and a light blanket on my nekkid body. Cool breezes lapped and refreshed me all night long. Truly a sinn-sational sleep experience. Hope the rest of the world experienced the same.
Today’s weather peeked over yesterday’s shoulder and said, “That’s what I’m going to do, too.” 64 F now, sunshine is climbing though cloud-hazed blue sky toward a high of 81 F.
It’s a rare Thursda’s fourfer in the morning mental music stream. Four reasons stand behind The Neurons’ thinking. First and second, two major musical influences on my childhood passed away. That would be Sly Stone and Brian Wilson. Third, PINO Trump is rolling the nation back to the 1960s, escalating violence and warning, “If you spit, we hit.” Fourth, I did some dreaming.
For Brian Wilson departure from this existence, The Neurons summoned a favorite of theirs, “Good Vibrations” from 1966. I was ten years old when the transistor radio speakers roared with this Beach Boy tune. I enjoyed it from the start.
For Sly Stone, The Neurons recalled “Everyday People”. I remembered my buddy Curt talking about this new song and how excited he was when it came on the radio when we were at the ballfield talking about getting a pickup game of baseball going. The song was a wonderful mélange of funk, rock, and pop with neat but meaningful lyrics.
For the 1960s vibe, Jackson Browne was drafted to play “Doctor My Eyes” from 1972. I just felt that the song, though an upbeat melody, captures and projects the weariness we’re enduring in the Age of Trump, when right is wrong, good is evil, and down is up. I particularly enjoy the memorable guitar work by Jesse Ed Davis.
Doctor, my eyes have seen the years
And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand
I have done all that I could
To see the evil and the good without hiding
You must help me if you can?
Doctor, my eyes, tell me what is wrong
Was I unwise to leave them open for so long
‘Cause I have wandered through this world
And as each moment has unfurled
I’ve been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will
I never noticed them until I got this feeling
That it’s later than it seems
Finally, from the dream world comes the 1986 Van Halen offering, “Dreams”.
World turns black and white
Pictures in an empty room
Your love starts fallin’ down
Better change your tune
Yeah, you reach for the golden ring
Reach for the sky
Baby, just spread your wings
And get higher and higher
Straight up we’ll climb
We’ll get higher and higher
Leave it all behind
Run, run, run away
Like a train runnin’ off the track
Got the truth bein’ left behind
Fall between the cracks
Standin’ on broken dreams
Never losin’ sight, ah
Well, just spread your wings
We’ll get higher and higher
Straight up we’ll climb
We’ll get higher and higher
Leave it all behind
So baby, dry your eyes
Save all the tears you’ve cried
Oh, that’s what dreams are made of
‘Cause we belong
In a world that must be strong
Oh, that’s what dreams are made of
Songwriters: Sammy Hagar, Edward Van Halen, Alex Van Halen, Michael Anthony. From Musixmatch
Well, I’m off. Have your best day possible. Coffee, quick. Let’s go.
Wenzda is here, Wenzda is here! Yeah, I’m not that excited. I’m down today.
Regardless of my mood, it’s June 11, 2025. 66 F now, 86 F is the expected upper realm, a nice takedown from the 90s where we’ve been living. The high temps will be back, though. This is Ashlandia, and summer is coming.
My normal awakening process is to stir from sleep, reflect on dreams and then move into the realms of current events going on, personal issues and family, plans for the day and week, and so on. I’m not sanguine about any of those aspects of life. I feel like I’m teetering on depression. But, for me, it’s probably part of my regular cycles. My schedule didn’t permit me my luxury of writing, so I’m likely feeling that. I’ve spent a lifetime trying to do what’s wrong, trying to stand up for others and help others, trying to move us as nation, as a species forward. I wasn’t alone. Many others led the way and inspired me. It feels like everything that we did before now is being callously and stupidly clawed away by Trump and the right wing. To paraphrase Ceelo, “Fuck him, and fuck them, too.”
My version of the Statesboro Blues. Papi seemed to have them, too, incessantly talking to me for attention. I played with him with red dot. Got some lackluster results. Searching for an answer, I whipped out a long shoe string. Man, he went nuts over that, attacking and pouncing, racing away and coming back for more. It was a good time for both of us.
For a whim, I turned to the net and asked, “What was the number one song on billboard fifty years ago in the United States?” And this marvelous technological function called AI said told me it was “Me and Bobby McKee”. Now I know some brain cells have abandoned me but I know that wasn’t the song. Fifty years ago would have been 1975. The cited song came out years before. By 1975, the performer, Janis Joplin, was dead. But, of course, the jackass AI, just like so many other jackass search engines, focused on just one piece of the query and spit out a jackass answer:
“Fifty years ago today, March 23, 1971, the number one song on the Billboard Hot 100 was “Me and Bobby McGee” by Janis Joplin. The song was written by Kris Kristofferson and originally performed by Roger Miller, but became a hit for Joplin after her death.”
Like, hello, you fucking piece of technology, why are you giving me an answer for another month, day, and year? You trying to gaslight me OR are you just that worthless? All those Google answers, and none answered what I asked. But I THINK that had I asked that five years ago, the right answer would have been giving in .0217 seconds. Not this year, not in the year of the Great Trump Enshittification.
For the record, I asked Microsoft Bing the same question. Here’s the top answer:
The number one song on the Billboard charts fifty years ago was12345:
Seriously, WTF Internet land. You guys have lost your way.
Try it for yourselves, please, kind readers. If you get some sane results, please let me know. I can use a little ray of sanity today.
Dark dreams flavored with bitterness and frustration ruled my night. From that mental morass, The Neurons brought up The Black Crowes with “She Talks to Angels” from 1991.
Nothing to do but push through. Have coffee. Enjoy the cool breezes coming through the windows right now, licking me like a giant dog. Drink more coffee. Write.
Cheers
Michael Seidel, writer 