Tag: mental health

One More Time

Daily writing prompt
What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?
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I regularly endure negative feelings, but weirdly, I consider myself an optimist.

Dealing with negative feelings, though, had to be, um, dealt with. By the time that I was in my teens, I knew that I tended to be negative. I’ve always felt like an imposter, less capable, less intelligent, less talented, than others give me credit for being. It’s difficult for me to accept praise. I literally cringe from it.

I found answers in books. From them, I evolved some coping mechanisms.

One, I write down the worse that I think can happen from a given situation. Somehow, writing that down like that lays bare my concerns. It helps me visualize that the likelihood of many of my fears are not as great as they loom in my mind. Secondly, writing them down helps me develop insights into how to counter these fears and make them less likely to come about. It also helps me perceive the emotional side, where my negative feelings reside, and the intellectual side, where the wherewithal to learn, try, and succeed, actually resides.

Next, I learned to grit my teeth and accept that I will not succeed at everything I attempt. I will often fail. But if I don’t give up and try again, then I can learn from my mistakes, keep trying, and maybe, just possibly, succeed.

Third, I let myself rail at myself. I do this alone and I’m pretty hard on myself. But after railing, I feel an emotional release. I’m ready to take a deep breath and try again.

Lastly, I let myself procrastinate. I know that probably sounds flimsy as hell, but giving myself time to find the right energy to take things on has proven to help me overcome my fears and worries. Along the way, hand in glove with that, it gives me time to think back on similar situations where I thought I would fail or something bad would happen, but then ended up with a good outcome. That fosters encouragement that maybe this isn’t as bad as I’m making it out to be.

And now, really, lastly, I learned to laugh at myself. To not take myself and my failures or my successes too seriously. I learned how to have fun while trying these things, to admit that I screwed up, to mock myself for screwing up.

That always made it easier to try one…more…time.

1

Medical Update

Happily, I can share a major change for me. My right compression sock has arrived.

TL/DR: my custom sock arrived for my right leg, ankle, and foot, freeing me from the bandages I’ve been wearing. I can bath normally again.

Longer story. As background, I had a few medical setbacks starting about six years ago. It began with an enlarged prostate gland which led to a obstructed bladder and an emergency room visit. A catheter was inserted up my johnson and I wore a bag on my ankle to collect urine for a few days. Of course, I was also put on Flomax.

Around the same time, I noticed some swelling and redness around my ankles. I didn’t know it then, but edema was developing.

I then suffered two broken bones in my left arm during a DIY effort about two years later. That slowed me down. My edema worsened. I’ve always been active. I had been averaging walking eleven to thirteen miles a day. Now that dropped way down. Six became a challenge.

The edema worsened. It was affecting the skin on my lower legs, ankles, and feet.

I then somehow ruptured my right peronous longus tendon. It snapped as I was crossing a street in Oakmont, PA, in May of last years. MRIs revealed it completely severed at my ankle. It’s supposed to wrap around under my foot, but nothing remained of it on my foot’s underside. Besides pain, it created major instability for me. And it slowed me more. My edema worsened.

Surgery was done for the ruptured tendon. The surgeon removed what was left of it and sewed up the end. My surgery wouldn’t heal. Now restricted to this boot to stabilize and strengthen my ankle, I was limited to bed rest for several weeks and reduced activity. The surgery wasn’t healing becaus the edema was worsening, causing my right ankle and foot to balloon.

It was a frustrating spiral.

Along the way, the medical ‘they’ decided that I seemed to be affected with lymphedema. In abbreviated explanation, my lymph fluid was not going up the lymph vessels and was accumulating in my calves, ankles, and feet, causing the swelling. Lymphedema massage therapy to stimulate the lymph fluid flow was set up. Three times a week, I went in and had my limbs from my calves down massaged and then wrapped in cotton, foam, and elastic bandages.

I’d also done some research about my lymphedema. Following advice and guidance from the net, I sharply reduced my sodium intake and heavily increased how much water I drank each day. I also reduced coffee and alcohol consumption, and added specific exercises to combat lymphedema to my daily routines. Part of that are self-massages to stimulate lymph fluid flow. See, from what I can tell, my body doesn’t process sodium well. Sodium is often used as a binding agent in processed food. The same thing was happening to me. Sodium is probably thickening my blood and thickening my lymph (or lymphatic — they express it both ways) fluid, driving the swelling. I drink more water to thin my blood and lymph fluid. I’m still walking six miles a day.

It all seems to have worked. I began my lymphedema therapy in Feb. Within a week, the left side graduated to the custom made compression sock. It was doing very well. I still wear that sock every day, washing it each night by hand. I’ve not had any swelling on that side. They will be providing me several more custom socks for it, and the right side.

My right side, which was the side of the surgery, also quickly improved. I no longer have swelling there, either. In fact, on Feb 19, my massage therapist put in the order for the right side’s custom sock. We expected it to arrive by the end of Feb.

But it didn’t. Concerned that it was lost somewhere, I called the company who provides the sock. They confirmed that they didn’t order it for me until the end of February, nine days after the order was put in. It seems that government bureaucracy slowed its progress, as it had to be approved by the powers before the order was created.

Anyway, the right side sock arrived yesterday. I get to go to physical therapy and have it put on today. And that means, a shower. See, the bandages could not get wet. So I was not allowed showers. I could wrap the bandaged limbs in plastic garbage bags and bath in a tub with my lower legs and feet outside the tub, but man, that wasn’t very satisfying.

So tonight, I shall shower. I suspect it will be long and hot shower, and very, very sweet.

8

Sunda’s Theme Music

Mood: Sunupbeatgetic

I got a sunshine on a cloudy day.

This is Sunda, December 29, 2024. Yes, we have sunshine. Been a few days since its lights tickled our eyes. Poured last night, prompting a flood advisory for our county, although our town was spared. Lifting and breaking up this morning, the clouds are permitted full view of the low mountains around us. Yes, they’re all still there. 43 F now, a high of 43 F and light rain showers are expected today. This is a welcome change from yesterday, where the air became smeary with fog, mist, and rain.

Papi the ginger blade, aka Butter Butt and the floof previously known as Meep, has been shedding a lot this year. He’s always liked to pretend that he’s a wild animal tolerating domestic pleasures, so he spends time outside even though it’s been sheeting rain. Drives us nuts because we want him in and safe, but he’s perfected the noises and activities that drive us to the precipice of sanity. Reaching it, we give in with a shout and let him out. We’re trying to figure out if there’s reason to his heavy shed load. Is it because it’s not as cold as it usually gets? Does it have to do with the heavier rain load than usual? We don’t know. I plan to inquire about their cats’ shedding from others locally who live with cats.

An energetic, upbeat mood has a grip on my psyche today. I’ve avoided news so far to sustain the mood. It’s fired by a dream about a blues concert that transformed into an erotic dream as a woman seduced. Woo hoo. Good to have one of those every now and again. BTW, I took a kazoo with me to the blues concert and played it.

Weird confluence of music in the morning mental music stream (Trademark flourishing). First came Cher with “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)”. Sonny Bono wrote the song and it was released in 1966. Whatever convoluted reasons The Neurons had for bringing this song up weren’t being peeled back.

Just as I finished puzzling over that, The Neurons introduced Peter Gabriel with “Sledgehammer” from 1986. Like, “Huuuhhhh? Why is that in my head?” The Neurons remained mute on their reasoning. Musing between the two songs, I was leaning toward Cher’s.

Then, walking about, doing morning exercises, I was contemplating where my foot is hurting. Nothing from the ankle where I had my surgery hurt. No, it was hurting proximal to the lateral metatarsals on the right side, what we often call the little toe or the pinky toe, really, phalanges three, four, and five. They dislike bending down post surgery. CBD topical cream working in concert with Salon Pas heating pads alleviate some of the pain and stiffness. The stiffness is more problematic than the pain, and I realize that it’s the cause of my antalgic limp. Just one of those things to work through.

Anyway, from that course of thinking arose The Police with “King of Pain” from 1983. The connection is that where they sing, “That’s my soul up there” in the background chorus, I used to believe they sang, “That’s my source of pain,” in a classic mondegreen goof.

That’s my morning. Coffee has hit the spot. Here’s the music. Cheers

0

Tuesday’s Wandering Political Thoughts

David Prosser read my brief comments about the Wisconsin school shooting from earlier this week (three dead) and my bitter comment about ‘thoughts and prayers’. He doesn’t reside in our nation so he’s not fully indoctrinated to our cycles of mass shootings and thoughts and prayers. He asked me to expand a little.

Here it is, David. A short summary of some high and low lights in our national conversation about gun violence in the United States. Direct quotes from articles are italicized. Links are provided so you can read the quotes in its full context.

Sickening routines have become normal in the United States. Gun violence breaks out; people are killed. Thoughts and prayers are offered for the victims and the family members of those victims. Investigations are conducted and speeches are made. Little changes.

“Thoughts and prayers” have become an unironically overused expression. Substantial action to reduce gun violence is usually shunted aside as meaningless. The ones shunting it aside are normally Republican ‘leaders’ like United States Senators such as Mitch McConnell, or President-elect Donald Trump, and his right hand man, JD Vance.

2019, via Austin American-Statesman [9]: Back-to-back massacres in El Paso and Dayton kill 31. Cue the thoughts and prayers!

“Melania and I send our heartfelt thoughts and prayers,” tweeted President Trump, who vows to veto gun control.

“Elaine’s and my prayers go out to the victims,” tweeted Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who blocks votes on gun control.

Vice-President-elect JD Vance says that our gun violence a fact of life and we gotta live with it [1]. “If these psychos are going to go after our kids we’ve got to be prepared for it,” Vance said at a rally in Phoenix. “We don’t have to like the reality that we live in, but it is the reality we live in. We’ve got to deal with it.”

Vance was addressing the subject after a 2024 school shooting in which four people were killed in Georgia.

The subject of ‘thoughts and prayers’ as a useless response has been around for a while.

2017, via Newsweek [2]: In the hours after Stephen Paddock killed nearly 60 and injured more than 500 early from a Mandalay Bay hotel room, surrounded by a cache of 10 legal weapons, reactions from politicians stuck to piety, not policy.

Donald Trump tweeted his “warmest condolences.” Later, while addressing the nation, the president called the shooting an act of “evil,” quoted Scripture and announced the flag would fly at half-mast. “As we grieve, we pray that God may provide comfort and relief to all those suffering,” he said.

The article enumerated more Republican politicians tweeting about their thoughts and prayers in response to the killings. The article noted:

The similar speeches and social media postings after shootings in Orlando, Florida; San Bernardino, California; and Newtown, Connecticut have been frequently criticized by gun control advocates, including the New York Daily News, which ran “God Isn’t Fixing This” on its front page to condemn the “coward” politicians who only talk.

2018, via CNN [3]: Semantic satiation is the phenomenon in which a word or phrase is repeated so often it loses its meaning. But it also becomes something ridiculous, a jumble of letters that feels alien on the tongue and reads like gibberish on paper.

“Thoughts and prayers” has reached that full semantic satiation.

For the last few years, after every mass shooting, the term immediately trends on social platforms. It’s not a good kind of trending: Among the earnest pleas for social and legislative action, the aftermath of each successive shooting inspires more and more memes and cynical jokes.

The article went on to note,

There has been no major gun-control legislation in the nearly six years since Sandy Hook, the tragedy that was supposed to change everything. In fact, in the years following Sandy Hook, more states loosened gun buying restrictions than tightened them.

The Sandy Hook Elementary School murders took place on December 14, 2012 [4]. 20-year-old Adam Lanza shot and killed 26 people. 20 were children.

2017, via Time Magazine [5]: After the horrific shooting at a church in Sutherland Springs, Texas, on Sunday, a rhetorical tennis match ensued. Some politicians offered up their “thoughts and prayers,” as many have following other mass shootings. Others responded by criticizing “thoughts and prayers” as a pathetic substitute for taking concrete action. On Wednesday night’s episode of Full Frontal, Samantha Bee even organized a gospel choir to parody the phrase. Those critics, often liberals, were then taken to task for their unholy dismissal of “thoughts and prayers,” which in turn led to criticisms that those criticisms were just a deflection guarding another deflection.

Devin Kelley shot and killed 26 people and wounded 22 others at the First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas in November, 2017.

Some laws have been passed. But Republicans do not want to touch anything related to gun rights in the United States, including background checks or gun restrictions, so those measures remain weak and ineffective [6].

As the Biden administration reiterates calls for tougher gun measures in response to the mass shooting in Maine last week, House Republicans updated a fiscal 2024 spending bill with provisions that take the opposite track.

House Republicans are looking to use the appropriations process to block a proposed rule to implement a provision included in the first bipartisan anti-gun violence package passed in years.

Between the actions taken by the GOP in Congress, the obstacles they throw up against curbing gun violence, and Republicans like JD Vance, we see that the GOP is basically okay with gun violence. Action is louder than words — or thoughts and prayers. Republicans would rather take no action than to risk alienating their base [10]. Secret tapes of the NRA discussng this were aired by National Public Radio (NPR):

In addition to mapping out their national strategy, NRA leaders can also be heard describing the organization’s more activist members in surprisingly harsh terms, deriding them as “hillbillies” and “fruitcakes” who might go off script after Columbine and embarrass them.

And they dismiss conservative politicians and gun industry representatives as largely inconsequential players, saying they will do whatever the NRA proposes. Members of Congress, one participant says, have asked the NRA to “secretly provide them with talking points.”

When Republicans do take action, it’s been to try to build schools into fortresses, providing them with armed guards, and even advocating, arm teachers. That’s Senator Cruz’s master plan. Ted Cruz believes that’s the best solution [7].

“We know from past experiences that the most effective tool for keeping kids safe is armed law enforcement on the campus,” Cruz said in Washington on May 24, just hours after the shooting, before many details were known.

“Inevitably when there’s a murder of this kind, you see politicians try to politicize it, you see Democrats and a lot of folks in the media whose immediate solution is to try to restrict the constitutional rights of law-abiding citizens. That doesn’t work. It’s not effective. It doesn’t prevent crime.”

The first problem is that according to actual research, no, armed guards don’t solve the problem of gun violence and gun killings in school. The second and larger problem is that besides schools, there is gun violence and murders at businesses, post offices, movie theaters, churches, synagogues, and homes. Police officers have been ambushed, shot, and killed. Besides them as victims, the police have also been quick to draw and shoot to kill. Senator Cruz doesn’t have suggestions about curbing shootings in all those locations outside of schools.

Next, we can talk about the defend your ground shootings and murders. Trayvon Martin. Ajike “AJ” Owens. Ralph Yarl and Kaylin Gillis. Ziad Abu Naim. Joshua Switalski.

What the GOP does often talk about is that the gun violence isn’t about the guns; it’s about mental health. Experts believe that while mental health issues contribute to gun violence, it only accounts for about 4%, leaving us to deal with another 96% of gun violence incidents [8]. The GOP bans research on gun violence, probably because they know that the facts are against them [9].

I do believe we have a mental health issue when it comes to gun violence in the United States, and that is an unwillingness to face that we have a big gun violence problem. Until we do, kneejerk responses like “thoughts and prayers” are doing nothing but letting the problem fester and grow. It’s like knowing you have a disease but refusing to face it.

And that is a problem.

3

Thursday’s Theme Music

Mood: repetigird

Thursday, September 19, 2024, kicked off split between sunshine. One end of the sun was bathed in refreshing warm gold light. The other end was dim, caught in shadows. The situation is slowly changing as the sun lifts over the barriers and heaves into the sky. Which, accidently, sounds like the sun might be puking up there.

58 F here and now, we have blue skies in the main, with some haziness coalescing along the horizons, especially to my west, where the valley flattens out. Yesterday presented us with a gorgeous warm but not overbearing afternoon of sunshine and breezes. Today might duplicate the results, with a high of 79 F being batted around.

Speaking of weather, I’ve been reading about the U.S. healthcare system’s ranking compared to like countries. Yes, that’s a non-sequitar, ain’t it? Few should be surprised that our nation was ranked last, with higher costs, lower levels of service, less access to care, and shorter life spans. I find the comments of Dr. Joseph Betancourt, President of the Common Wealth Fund, relevant.

“This report reveals that our health system is continuing to lag far behind other nations when it comes to meeting our citizens’ basic health care needs. The US spends more on health care than any other country, and Americans are sicker, die younger and struggle to afford essential health care. We spend the most and get the least for our investment.”

“As a primary care doctor, I see the human toll of these shortcomings in our system on a daily basis. I have patients who need medications they can’t afford. I spend time going back and forth with insurance companies who have denied care I know my patients need, and I see older patients who arrive sicker than they should because they’ve spent the majority of their lives uninsured.” 

Reading newspaper, magazine, and online articles, I’ve encountered the story he tells again and again. Worse, the laws and actions the GOP and the right wing are initiating are compounding health issues for women by inserting the state and religious views into the transactions. Neither have a need to be there, and both are detrimental to good health practices. Trump and his concept of a plan would most likely worsen the situation, as he’s for business, against government, and has little empathy for the middle class and below. This fuels our need to vote blue in 2024.

We ordered six more Harris-Walz yard signs last night. These are earmared for friends who are looking for yard signs. One woman said she’s putting on on her fence, facing her Trump-supporting neighbor. All turned down bumper stickers. This is a blue to purple area, with a lot of red inflammation around the edges. My friends stated that they have real concerns about what those MAGAs would do to them or their car; yes, we’ve seen the videos and heard the threats MAGAs like to issue.

Without great surprise, I read of an EPA IG report that said top EPA officials had retaliated against whistle blowers. This was done under the previous administration.

Ah, moving on through the morning. I have Jackson Browne singng “The Pretender” in the morning mental music stream (Trademark calloused). The Neurons brought it up when I was sipping coffee, watching cats wash after they’d eaten, studying the line of the morning sun moving across the backyard. Then the songs’ lines came up, “And when the morning light comes streaming in, we’ll get up and do it again.” Yep, that’s where I stand. Time to do it again.

Be strong, stay positive, test negative, and vote blue in 2024. Here’s the music. Cheers

0

Wednesday’s Wandering Thoughts

I read a NYTimes article about Dr. Richard Restak’s new book on aging. His new book is “The Complete Guide to Memory: The Science of Strengthening Your Mind.” The Times’ article’s title is “How to Prevent Memory Loss”, and that sums it up.

As I reach toward the end of my sixties, I think about memory loss, especially forgetfulness. Whenever a moment of forgetfulness strikes my wife or I, she tends to say, “We’re getting old.”

I dispute the idea that my forgetfulness is automatically a product of aging. I didn’t at first but then I began thinking back to previous episodes of forgetfulness in my life. I’ve had brain farts at one time or another, so I don’t think we should assign much importance to them now. Further, I think blaming it on aging is a sort of surrender that will propagate the myth and acceptance that my memory burps are all about aging.

For instance, if you will.

We’ve gone shopping without a list prepared and forgot to buy something. My partner’s almost kneejerk reaction is, “We’re getting old. We need to remember to make and take lists.”

Well, yes, dear, lists are useful. We learned that lesson forty years ago. That’s why we began using lists in the first place. So, it ain’t necessarily because we’re getting old now. It’s because, like those times in our youth when we forgot something, we were busy. We didn’t slow down to think. We let our mind wander from the task.

That’s almost exactly what Dr. Restak notes in his paragraph, “Some memory lapses are actually attention problems, not memory problems.”

That’s why I liked this article. Many of the suggestions and ideas Dr. Restak presents to help prevent memory loss were ideas I’d discovered for myself. So I find it validating. I think practicing self-awareness about how I approach it whenever I forget something is key. Think about the circumstances around why something was forgotten. Reflect on it: was it an isolated moment or part of a larger trend?

A larger trend is more problematic but dig for the roots of it. Don’t automatically react, well, I’m getting old, so I’m getting forgetful. No, be mindful about remembering.

Finally, what really triggered me to think about this as a post subject was his point about reading novels.

One early indicator of memory issues, according to Dr. Restak, is giving up on fiction. “People, when they begin to have memory difficulties, tend to switch to reading nonfiction,” he said.

Yes, indeed, I thought. Remembering characters and plot events and details is challenging when reading a novel and thoroughly exercises our memory muscles.

But if you think reading a novel is a memory challenge, try writing one. Keeping details in mind of a complex character and involved plot will definitely help exercise your memory.

Now let me get back to editing and revising before I forget what I was doing.

0

Wednesday’s Wandering Thoughts

He hated to do it. It seemed shameful. But.

He was helping a friend, staying in contact, checking on her, trying to encourage her. But she’d become belligerent lately. Combative. Seriously negative.

It exhausted him. He decided he needed a break. Had to take care of himself so he could take care of her. It felt like a rationalization, but he knew he was right.

3

Shipwrecks

Edgy dreams undermine my rest even while I sleep.

Sometimes they seem malicious,

but they help restore balance and serenity.

More frequently, they’re insane, causing me concern about my mental health,

although sometimes, they’re not remembered, listing in the gray of my thinking’s edge

like shipwrecks from other times.

0

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