Wednesday’s Bumper Sticker Bonus
Flooftweet
Flooftweet (floofinition) – 1. Tweets about animals. 2. Tweets made by animals.
In use: “Many flooftweets (about a pet) could be flooftweets (made by a pet), as animals love secretly gaining control of people’s phones and computers and sending messages. As people never suspect animals are behind it, they often accuse others of hacking their accounts.”
Flooflantis
Flooflantis (floofinition) – A lost continent where animals established their first settlement after arriving on Earth. Highly advanced, Flooflantis was said to exist in the Atlantic Ocean and was lost for several eons due to tectonic shifts. Humans who later learned of its existence attempted to pass it off as a lost Human civilization, as people didn’t believe that animals could be so advanced and capable.
In use: “Learning of Flooflantis through guarded conversations with pigeons, squirrels, dogs, and cats, Francis Bacon adopted the tale, changing the name to Atlantis and populating it with humans.”
Straight Shot
You made a straight shot
with your phone
calling me to see
if I was at home
And a straight shot
with a text
got me out of a tiny little mess
I had with my ex
I took a straight shot
from your eyes
the kind of look like donuts
that goes straight to my thighs
The straight shot
from your lips
made me pucker up fast
and get ready for a kiss
Then a straight shot
from your mind
and you know I thought
I had it made
Everything was fine
But a straight shot
from your gun
and just like that, dude,
t’was no more fun
The Gods of Beer
The gods of beer
won’t hesitate
to take a swig,
and make their play.
They don’t quibble
over a quaff,
nor hesitate to laugh
over another’s gaffe.
They’re there to spread humor
and good cheer,
because everyone knows,
life is better with a beer.
Rising
Like Phoenix rising, I will lift and soar,
mocking those who said, “Nevermore.”
They thought my time was done,
and now they’ll see that I’ve just begun.
Gaining power with every beat,
I will fly and press beyond defeat.
Yes, they may say that they think they know,
but they don’t know how far I can go.
An Alanis Morissette Moment
Thursday afternoon, under warm sunshine, Handley parked his car and dashed across the street.
Returning from the cafe with his purchases scant minutes later, the man beside him was opening his door. A box was on the ground beside him.
“Excuse me,” the man said.
Door unlocked, being opened, hot food starting to cool, Handley paused, eyebrows up in expectation. “Yes?”
“Do you have jumper cables?”
Handley nodded. “I do. You need a jump?”
Smiling, the man popped his hood and picked up the box. “No, I just bought a charger. I’d been waiting for an hour. Nobody had cables. I figured that the first person I saw in the parking lot after I went out and bought this would have cables.
“And here you are.”
Handley commiserated. “Isn’t it ironic?”
Net Effect
I read it on the net
you know you better bet
that it’s the greatest most outrageous and incredible thing
ever
I saw it on the net
you know I won’t regret
believing everything that I’m seeing
and hearing
It was spread across the net
so you better be set
to know this is the truth and won’t go away
it’s out there for-
ever
So just put it on the net
with a link for them to select
and you know you’ll have them reading writing raging and de-
bating
Michael Seidel, writer 