Mindfloofness(floofinition) – Practice of keeping awareness of what animals are doing, or their locations. Origins: circa 1430, Republica of Floofica.
In Use: “Leading the floofsitter around the house, Barb told her, ‘You need to exercise mindfloofness with this gang, because the dog will get a notion to do something, and then get the cats involved, and the next thing you know, it’s floofhem.'”
In Use: “Whenever the doorbell rang, Tessa needed to immediately have more mindfloofness, because both the cat and dog loved ambushing visitors in a secret little game which they seemed to play.”
Watching events through one of the coffee shop windows, he saw a car suddenly appear out of nowhere and wheel into a parking lot. Where’d that come from, he wondered, studying the lines of traffic. Just a white BMW SUV. Not the newest model and not the largest one.
The driver and passenger emerged. Neither looked human. Holy shit, he thought, straightening, eyes widening. Both of them were tall, pale green and – naked? Squinting hard against the glaring sun, he focused as intensely as possible.
Yes, they were nakd. He looked around the coffee shop, hoping another witness to what he was seeing was noticing. But the rest of the shop denizens were into their laptops, phones, and books. None seemed to see the two tall, naked, green aliens walking away from a white BMW toward the bakery across the street.
Then both changed, becoming a middle-aged couple, he in khaki cargo shorts with a green polo shirt, she in a yellow sun dress showing naked brown legs, and sandals.
He’d seen enough, though. He knew what he’d observed and pounced on several conclusions. Aliens were arriving in spaceships that looked like cars.
It made perfect sense, explaining the recent spate of bad driving he’d noticed, the unusually heavy traffic, and why others’ political thinking so frequently seemed alien to his own.
It was a perfect storm of clarity, and only he knew it.
My wife asked in irritation, “Name some citrus fruits.”
My first thought was, huh? Second came, why? But we’ve been married almost fifty years, so I played the game. “Lemon, lime, orange, grapefruit, citron, kumquat, tangerine, tangelo…what are you looking for?”
“Is a peach a citrus fruit?”
“No.”
“Is a necterine a citrus fruit?”
I laughed. “No. Why are you asking this?”
“There was some story on the radio about how eating too much citrus fruit can be dangerous for you, and one of the people, the DJs, I guess, said, ‘Oh, no, I love eating peaches and nectarines. I’m in real trouble.’ And nobody called her on it! I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt and thought maybe they’d changed their classification since I learned what a citrus fruit was when I was young. But, no, they haven’t changed it.”
She was shaking her head. “No wonder people are so stupid these days, if this is what they’re listening to.”
Flooferitus(floofinition)– An animal retired from professional life or special position but allowed to retain as an honorary title the rank of the last office/position held.
In Use: “Candy ruled the house until Morty arrived when Candy was older, but Candy remained the Queen Flooferitus until her final day.”
In Use: “Chester tried to shift T Rex into an flooferitus but T’s stony stare and throaty glare gave the youngster second thoughts.”
Santana and Rob Thomas are performing “Smooth” in my mental music stream (Trademark classified) as I begin to write. Because it’s gonna be a hot one.
Yesterday, my tiny home weather station said it was 100.0 F at 3:38 PM. The temperature eked up to 101.9 from there, and then began sinking. We were down to 83 F by 9. Despite our home AC outage, we kept cool. Didn’t really heat up in the house until after 7 PM, when it went to 84. That’s cause we’d capture and stored cool AM air. Translation: we opened the doors and windows in the morning, got the house cold, and then close it up and turned on a few fans. It worked, knock on wood.
It’s 77 F now. The projections are that we’ll reach 107 F today. As with yesterday, we have a blue, cloudless sky. When I step into the sun’s heat, I can feel body parts became crisping.
BTW, this is Friday, July 5, 2024.
The breakfast buffet yesterday was delicious as memories of past years predicted it would be. But the parade itself was a little flatter. We were set up in a tree’s shadow along the route, and it was only 79 F at that point. But most participants seemed mildly invested. The parade itself petered out, rather than ended with a flourish. So, meh, a 6 on the parade scale that goes to 11.
“Smooth” has been scuttled. “Along Comes Mary” has replaced it in my morning mental music stream. Tucker, my large black and white floof inspired the song. I’d opened a can to feed Papi, who was quite eager for the moment, chirping and purring about it with big eyes and a tall tail, and wondered, where’s Tucker Cat. Well, he was coming at a casual gait, mumbling something about, “Food, at last,” as he came. So I sang, “Along comes Tucker,” and poof, The Neurons had an Association production going in my head. Song came out in 1966, when I was ten. Have you ever listened to these lyrics? Pay attention, cuz they’re fascinating.
Stay positive, be strong, lean forward, and Vote Blue in 2024. Coffee and I have already greeted each other in the traditional manner. Here’s the music. Cheers
This is something she’s adopted from the net Someone posted that they didn’t believe in God so instead of saying “God bless you,” they say, “Godzilla.” Has just as much meaning to them.
Negoflooate(floofinition) – Conferring with an animal to settle a disagreement or resolve an issue.
In Use: “‘Look,’ Richard negoflooated with his floof, ‘Drink some of this slurry first, and I’ll let you go out into the yard, okay?'”
In Use: “Beginning to negoflooate with her dog, Sharon said, ‘What will it take to get you to stop barking like a mad dog? You want treats? Treats? Okay, then.’ The negoflooations ended with a floofpromise.”
Floofstulfying(floofinition) – The dulling or inhibiting effect an animal may have on others. Origins: 2020, United States (Internet), first noted during the COVID19 pandemic.
“In Use: “People who began working at home during the pandemic learned firsthand of floofstulfying as their pets came around and undermined their work effort.”
In Use: Awakening with a zest for work, floofstulfying overtook Pam’s plans as she played with the rescue kittens.”
In Use: “Productivity is sometimes compromised by floofstulfying as people watch videos of animals on the net.”
Michael Seidel, writer 