Tag: humor

Thursday’s Wandering Thoughts

Every once in a while, a website that I visit will change their layout. WordPress has done it today, forcing me to ‘search’ for the stuff I generally use, adjust to where they put things, and new features. I say ‘search’ like that because I can’t just slide my mouse to its usual position and click. I’m forced instead to use my eyes and scan the page and then employ my brain. It’s difficult. TG for coffee.

Inspired by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, I’ve come up with my five stages of coping with a website redesign.*

Warning: there’s a ton of f*****g cursin’ involved with a website redesign for me because I’m easily irritated and was enlisted in the military for twenty years. Back then, before cell phones and computers, swearing was our primary pastime as we hurried and waited.

  1. Realization. Where is the — what the actual f**k – m*therf****r, they changed the f*****g web page.
  2. Complaining. Jesus, WTF did they do that? Where is – damn it, they changed everything. They f*****g changed it all. Now I have to find my favorite things and the things that I use all over again. Jesus Christ, just what I f*****g needed today.
  3. Promises. I’ll tell you what, if I ever find another f*****g website that works as well as this one does – or did, until they did this s**t – I don’t know how it’ll work with all these god**n changes they’ve made – I will switch so f*****g fast, their f*****g heads will f*****g explode.
  4. Grasping. Okay, wait, here’s what I wanted. A pull-down menu. Well, that’s f*****g stupid. Why the f**k did they put it there? WTF. It was fine right where it f*****g was. There was no f*****g reason at all to move that. What else did they f****g move? S***heads.
  5. Stewing. Okay, I think I can live with this crap and these f****g changes, but I don’t f*****g like it. grumble grumble mutter mutter imprecations

*These stages can also be employed for when a store rearranges its aisles and products, and you rush in to grab the one thing you need and it’s not there because they moved it, forcing you to run around the store in search of.

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Thursday’s Theme Music

Mood: coffee-upd.

Welcome to Ashlandia, where it’s Thursday, July 18, 2024. Currently sitting at 70 degrees F under an unfettered blue sky, we expect to achieve a high only three degrees above our July average, 95 F. I’m looking forward to a summer day when we’re three degrees below average. Yes a day in the high nineties would be a treat. On the plus side, our dry conditions keep us from being flooded as is happening in other parts of the U.S.

A friend was relating some cat tales to a group last night. His cat is now mature and they’ve been leaving together for a few years, so he finally broke it to her that she was adopted. He thought she took it well.

Later, though, she was lying on the floor in dim night light. He went by, brushing his foot against her back leg. She instantly bolted out of there at the speed of light. In the process, she used his big toe to launch herself, and her claw left a nice souvenir. Next day, he had the front door open but the screen door on so she could look out. Well, she climbed the screen and got a claw stuck. He saved her and she rewarded him with a five-inch scratch. I wondered, was this all accidental, or was she acting out because she learned she was adopted?

Cats.

Today’s music comes from noodling thoughts. I’d been thinking about how Evangelicals have embraced Trump. He’s one of them is their claim, which means, they’re like him, yeah? In doing so, they’ve basically re-branded themselves with Trump’s values. It sickens me. Anyhow, eavesdropping on my thinking, The Neurons dropped Joan Osbourne’s 1995 hit song, “One of Us” into the morning mental music stream (Trademark hopeful). Eric Bazilian wrote the song. In it, singer and writer wonder, what if God was one of us? A stranger on a bus trying to make their way home. They create an image so far away from the Evangelical’s bizarre twist that Trump is a holy savior.

Right. Let me the picture the scene. Can you imagine Trump taking a bus to go home? Imagine him among the hoi polloi. Of course, he’d be trying to sell something and bragging about how great he is. “I’m the greatest savior ever,” he’d declared. “And it’s not just me thinking that. The Pope told me. He said, ‘Donald, you’re the greatest savior ever, cause you’re not a loser. You’ve never been nailed to a cross.'”

BTW, it’s Sour Candy Day. I’m not a fan of sour candy but if you are, please indulge.

Stay positive — yes, deep breaths, right? Be strong. Lean forward. Vote Blue in 2024. And drink coffee. That last is totally optional for you, but I’m having some, black, hot, and unadulterated. Dig me?

Here’s the music. And away we go. Cheers

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Flooven

Flooven (floofinition) – A blend of ‘floof’ and ‘haven’, means a place or space where an animal feels safe and comfortable. Origins: 2023, North America.

In Use: “Cats often enjoy secreting themselves in places where they can’t be found, but Trucker, with his ability to open and close drawers, cupboards, and doors, took it to new levels with floovens throughout the house. Nobody ever knew where they would find him next.”

In Use: “Barney was a large dog, a sweetheart who’d been abused as a puppy, who needed a quiet place as a flooven.”

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WWTD?

What would Jesus do after someone shot him, apparently attempting to kill him?

The question is before us because many Evangelicals believe Trump is their savior. He shares their values, they tell us in polls, votes, and interviews. Which means, of course, that they’re not interested in stable marriages, right? Can’t be, since Trump has been married three times. What kind of values would they have, if they held that marriage was sacred and divorce is a no-no, and then admire a man who has three divorces? I wouldn’t think much of them and their values, no, I wouldn’t. I guess one of their values then is apparently divorce.

They share values with Trump, so I imagine they have a large number of affairs, too, because, you know, Trump. He’s had affairs, right? I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Trump will sponsor a ‘Divorce is sacred’ act if re-elected. Also among Evangelical supporters’ shared values with Trump is the willingness to declare bankruptcy to avoid creditors and escape financial responsibility for the misery caused to others for poor financial planning and execution. He or his companies have declared such bankruptcies a bunch of times, and he’s been sued repeatedly for not paying contractors. I guess that skipping out on their bills is another shared value. Gotta be.

Surely their values include lying and hate. Trump lies with routine regularity. Verify any of his speeches with fact-checkers and Vegas will probably give you odds that it has at least three lies in it. Therefore, truth is not a value for them, but lying, because that’s what Trump would do, is one of their shared values, and he is their savior. He shares their faith.

Nor is Trump forgiving, advocating death for others time and again. So, forgiving is not one of their shared values. Nor is turning the other cheek. Vengeance must be another of their shared values. Gotta be, right, because they share Trump’s values.

They must be proud of him today, then. Their modern-day Jesus immediately rebounded after being shot in the ear and went after the dollar. Yes, Trump’s apparatus quickly set up the sale of special commemorative shoes to remember the shooting. These “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT” high tops, complete with Trump’s bloody face on it, can be theirs for just $299. That’s really a terrific bargain for a bloody face on a shoe when it’s your savior’s face. I bet Evangelicals snap them up and put them on display in their living rooms, along with their crosses.

I’m guessing from everything I’ve read about Trump that the Evangelicals’ values are rooted in money, like Trump. Just like their savior with whom they share values. Anything for a dollar. Just go after the buck.

Because that’s what Jesus would do.

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Pawcity

Pawcity (floofinition) – A small amount of something taken by an animal through the use of a paw. Origins: 1960s New Floof City. Closely related to an English word, paucity.

In Use: “Unseen on a chair, the cat reached up and seized a pawcity of chicken off of Karla’s plate.”

In Use: “Whenever Jim and Greg looked away, their big dog snuck a paw out to steal a pawcity of their food.”

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Jigsaw…Done

Completed another 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle last night. It was a fun one, except the clouds. Took days and several wrong piece placements to get that sky finished.

Yes, it’s sideways. Didn’t feel like making it go another way. Just that sort of morning. More coffee, please.

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Friday’s Wandering Thoughts

I enjoy doing online puzzles and games in the mornings. Nothing strenuous or involved — Wordle and Hurdle, Sudoku, Connections, Spelling Bee — or pangram, as my wife and I call it — and Tiles. Easier and more satisfying than addressing the life puzzles superballing around my mind.

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Friday’s Theme Music

Mood: sizzlin’

Greetings from Ashlandia, where the heat stays on. It’s Friday, July 12, 2024. July has been a flaming month. Formalling started on July 4th, when the thermometers were showing it’s over 100 F and has barely eased. For today, we’ll tap one degree below 100. It’s a pleasant morning now, though, 68 at my house after falling to 62 F. Tomorrow, we go back to 100 F. Sunday is expected to drop into the low 90s, kicking off a stretch where our highs will crest in the 90s and the lows overnight will find the mid to upper sixties.

Air looks pretty good. Blue cloudless sky looks particulate free, except over in the horizon’s northwestern sector. Probably from the Salt Creek fire. They’re making good progress on it with a lot of mopping up going on. They warned that we’d probably see greater smoke last night, as we did, because they started a fire inside the containment line to fight to fire to keep it from jumping the fire line.

Boy howdy, that cool night air was invigorating, friends. As the sun slipped away and the temperatures slithered down below 80, I slid open the bedroom slider and the cats and I reveled in it. I’ve been sleeping atop the duvet, not bothering with even a coverlet, but I awoke cold enough that I pulled a light blanket over me. Tucker (pronounced Tuckah) stayed with me most of the night but as I got up to open the slider’s screen door to let Papi in and out (and in and out, repeat), Tucker said, “Hey, I want to go out there, too.” The boy has been feeling the heat, and his age.

Well, read news last night that the Beastie Boys were suing some restaurant over use of their song, “Sabotage”, from 1991. As soon as The Neurons were informed, they pulled the song from their mental file cabinet (my brain still uses paper but they’re talking about going digital) and now it’s blasting in the morning mental music stream (Trademark melting). As with many songs I enjoy, I’d never seen the video for it. Seeing it today is like a smack in the face from a wayback machine. Great fun.

Stay positive and be strong, and Vote Blue in 2024, and return President Biden to the Oval Office. Coffee and I have come to terms and are getting along swell. Here’s the music video, directed by Spike Jonze. Hey ho, let’s go. Cheers

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Flooflife

Flooflife (floofinition) – 1. The attention span an animal will give device, event, or command. Origins: United States mid-twentieth century.

In Use: “The flooflife for Sophia’s cats watching birds out the window was a few hours long, much longer than the flooflife for any of their toys.”

In Use: “Puppies and kittens typically have a flooflife measured in seconds when it comes to playing with things, often discarding one object to chase another.”

2. An existence spent living with or around one or more animals. Origins: Europe, early 1800s, derived from middle floofish.

In Use: “Feeling trapped by restrictions during the COVID-19 pandemic, many Americans adopted a flooflife, welcoming animals into their homes from shelters to help assuage boredom and loneliness.”

In Use: “People adopting animals find that a flooflife can get complicated, depending on the animal’s personality, habits, and sometimes, their new pet’s neurosis.”

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Flooflial

Flooflial (floofinition) – Relating to, befitting, or of an animal. Origins: From the flooftin, floofius.

In Use: “Many people must address their flooflial obligations when they’re planning vacations or hosting gatherings.”

In Use: “Paul Santell developed a flooflial routine, carrying food to feed strays, eventually feeding and saving thousands of cats.”

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