Floofgent (catfinition) – a cat with an expressive and especially plaintive quality.
In use: “We were awakened by beast requesting with a floofgent meow that they be fed now.”
Six Rules for Getting Along with Your Computer
- Remember that you wanted your computer. It didn’t want you.
- Shouting at your computer won’t make it do anything faster or better, but it might save you from insanity and keep you from taking more drastic action against your computer.
- Shaking a computer until parts come off tends to be counter-productive.
- A hammer to the computer might make you feel better, but the computer will probably complain.
- A computer connected to the web can probably find more curse words than you can find on your own. Use that to your advantage when cursing your computer.
- Remember that words have power. If you curse your computer, it might be taken seriously.
Floofish
Floofish (catfinition) – 1. awkwardly playful, and with a short attention span, like a kitten; 2. slang for catfish.
In use: “Joyful at graduating high school, the students became floofish, chasing one another and setting up ambushes.”
The Kiss Good-bye
Have you ever been sitting in your seat on an aircraft and drop something on the floor between your seat and the one in front of you? Man, the moves to pick it up would try a contortionist’s skills. If they ever tell me that we’re going down and I’d better bend over and kiss my ass good-bye, I’d need to decline. No way that I can bend over and kiss my ass in one of their seats. Nope, not going to happen. Somebody else will need to kiss it good-bye.
Catching Yourself
Ever catch yourself ranting and raving at others for their behavior, like their driving or the speed of their walk, as though they have full and absolute control over themselves, and realize that your ranting and raving is a demonstration of the small measure of control over yourself?
No? Is it just me, then?
Damn.
Floofection
Floofection (catfinition) – refreshment of mind, body, and spirit delivered by a cat’s companionship.
In use: “Returning from a weary day concerned with products, dollars, and cents, he found floofection in a few minutes of stroking Tabitha’s fur and listening to her purr.”
The Topper
Ever have one of those people in your life that must tell something about themselves to top whatever is going on? Someone is sick and hospitalized, and they’re sicker, and should be in the hospital. Misfortune falls on another? That’s nothing, you should hear how bad they suffered. It gets to the point that you don’t know what to believe of them. Then, when something bad happens, you feel bad because you didn’t believe them.
It reminds me of that old comedy routine.
“You had a house? We lived in a box on the street.”
“I wish we had a box. We lived in a pile of old newspapers.”
“Newspapers? You were lucky. We held paper towels up around us and pretended they were a house.”
“Pretended? You were lucky. We were only eating once a week. We didn’t have enough energy to pretend anything.”
“You ate once a week? You were lucky. I don’t know what I would have done, eating that many times in a month.”
“Those were the days.”
“Yeah, they sure were.”
Know what I mean?
Floofcile
Floofcile (catfinition) – a companionable cat; flooftable.
In use: “In the course of a single week, the cat progressed from being a feral terror to a floofcile lap-bug.”
Floofgitive
Floofgitive (catfinition) – a cat intending to run away; an elusive cat.
In use: “Seeing the sweeper enter the room, Quinn embraced full floofgitive mode.”
