Tag: humor

September Greetings

Hi writers. Yeah, it’s me. Yeah, again. Like a bad penny, right? Most people assume that the old chestnut about a bad penny refers to coin. It doesn’t. Bad Penney (correct spelling) was a murderer who terrorized several towns in England in the late eighteenth century. *

Chestnut, by the way, was a man known for his pithy sayings. That led to him being associated with sayings, and a saying about the man who created sayings, “That old Chestnut.”*

* Both of these are things I made up.

September has arrived, full of promise. Don’t know about you, but I’ve discovered that I’ve met my enemy and he is me. Identifying your enemy is always excellent progress. As humans we dislike the unknown. Making the enemy known helps establish concrete steps to address your differences of opinions and work to a healthy mutual understanding. Once my enemy and I are friends, I feel like I can make much more progress.

Who is your enemy in this September of 2018?

While you contemplate that, it’s time to write edit like crazy, at least one more time.

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Flooftronics

Flooftronics (floofinition) – electronic and mechanical devices designed to automate living with pets.

In use: “Despite flooftronics like an automatic water fountain with filtered water, a self-filling kibble bowl, and a pet door that opened when the cat approached, her beloved feline still awoke her at four A.M. for some floof time.”

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Floofstalgic

Floofstalgic (floofinition) – sentimental or wistful feeling for the happiness experienced with a previous pet.

In use: “Petting the young tabby cat made him feel like he was a child with the family cat at his parent’s home, in a good floofstalgic way.”

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Infloofniac

Infloofniac (floofinition) – someone who can’t sleep unless their fur friend is with them.

In use: “She was an infloofniac for weeks after her big Maine coon passed away. There was a hole where his big, floofy body had rested against her side, and she felt it every time she went to bed.”

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Floofnanigans

Floofnanigans (floofinition) – mischievous behavior by a cat or dog.

In use: “The puppies’ floofnanigans as they piled over the children, licking faces, tugging on clothing (and sometimes pulling something off) and wagging their tails, helped break the room’s tension. Good thing, Becca thought, or it would have been a short — or murderous — Thanksgiving.”

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Floofsant

Floofsant (floofinition) – feline or canine’s powerful or vigorous impact.

In use: “Although it was two in the morning, a floofsant meow caused him to leap out of his recliner and run into the dark night outside to find the source and help the animal, if necessary.”

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Floofcuse

Floofcuse (floofinition) – a stare animals employ to convey betrayal, suspicion, and disappointment that hovers around being angry and contemptuous.

In use: “Opening the bag of chips, he began eating them only to discover two cats and a dog walking into the room. Sitting down, the three held a  floofcuse on him that began wearing him down. With a sigh, he held out a handful of chips and said, “Do you guys want some?””

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Floofsayer

Floofsayer (floofinition) – someone who can predict a cat or dog’s behavior.

In use: “I met a man who claimed he was a floofsayer. He gave me a kitten and said, “This cat will love you more than any person or animal has ever loved you. She will follow you everywhere, including the bathroom, and sleep on your pillow against your head.” He was right in all regards. That kitten is now ten years old, weighs twenty pounds, and still sleeps on my pillow against my head.”

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