Tag: humor

Reboot

Hearing unfamiliar banging and creaking sounds, he opened his eyes and found the ceiling.

Pink, and swaying. It felt like he was on a boat. Or would that be a ship?

He closed his eyes. Something was hung. Reboot. Try again.

When he next opened his eyes, he was looking at correctly colored sage green walls. Sunlight was streaming in.

Feeling better, he rose to hit the head and discovered a limp. He’d not had that before. As its presence was being digested, he passed the bathroom mirror.

He was female. Not bad looking, about the correct age, forty-five. Same colored hair. Those were starts to being the right person in the right reality.

More to digest.

He continued to the toilet. His cats and dogs must be out of the house. The primary reasons for keeping them was to help keep reality anchored. It didn’t work, if they weren’t around. Ergo, they weren’t around. That’s why his start-ups were hanging.

As he sat to piss, he considered going back to bed to reboot again, but it was already eight thirty. Time was the one constant that didn’t change when a start-up went awry.

Coffee, he decided, wiping, flushing, washing his hands and heading for the kitchen. He thought while popping a K-cup into place, coffee always helped release the hang ups. It was remarkable that way. Once he got the coffee into his system, he’d find the animals and bring them into the house. Then he’d decide. The house seemed correct, as did the reality outside his window. Maybe he’d enjoy being a woman for a day, or take a nap later and reboot.

Sipping the coffee, he smiled. Coffee always helped. If that ever changed, he didn’t know what he would do.

 

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Floofroy

Floofroy (floofinition) – a housepet that exercises authority over other housepets.

In use: “The little tabby was the smallest of the home’s five pets, but she was the floofroy, ruling with meow, hisses, growls, and swats. Everyone — including people — obeyed.”

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Floofcipience

Floofcipience (floofinition) – good understanding of things as seen or experienced by a housepet.

In use: “Through living with cats, dogs, birds, and ferrets since he was born, his floofcipience expanded, earning him nicknames like the cat whisperer and the dog wizard.”

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Floofemy

Floofemy (floofinition) – a housepet who actively opposes or is hostile to another housepet or creature.

In use: “For reasons understood only by cats, after living together for three years, the three felines were staunch floofemies, hissing or growling whenever one came close, spying on each other, and staying several feet away from one another.”

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Flooftober

Flooftober (floofinition) – a celebration dedicated to pets and animals. In some places, it never ends.

See also: Flooftoberfest

In use: “Raising a sweaty mug of sudsy beer, he shouted, “Happy Flooftober. Who wants a treat?” As the dogs and cats trotted forward, tails wagging or up, as was their style, he opened bags and began giving each a treat.”

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Flooftoberfest

Flooftoberfest (floofinition) – an annual festival that emphasizes celebrating pets.

See also: Flooftober

In use: “Every year without fail, the Richmond home began the ten day celebration that became known as Flootoberfest. As was their practice, they began by giving their cats and dogs a bath as the bird watched and made comments.”

 

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Exfloofmunicate

Exfloofmunicate (floofinition) – exclude a household pet from other pets’ activities.

In use: “His aggressiveness meant that she had to exfloofmunicate Tucker from the living room where the other pets slept, as he was prone to sneaking up and attacking them.”

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Floofmanteau

Floofmanteau (floofintion) – 1. a trunk or suitcase in the shape of a housepet, a.k.a., a floof, such as a cat, dog, or bird. 2. a word blending floof with parts of another word to create a meaning about housepets.

In use: “Floofinition is a classic floofmanteau, combining floof and part of dictionary to create a word that describes a floofmanteau’s meaning(s).”

 

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Floofxit

Floofxit (floofinition) – plans or attempts to withdraw from a housepet. Floofxit is often associated with trying to get up without disturbing a furry friend, generally because they look so cute, but can be applied to other problems, such as trying to leave the house without the pet escaping the house.

In use: “Her floofxit was well-practiced. The cat was smart, though. She had to move fast, distracting the cat with treats before racing to the door and out. Then, failing to ignore the cat’s wails, always answered back, “I’ll be back in a few hours,” after the door was closed. It was like that every day.”

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