Tag: humor

Monday’s Theme Music

I have friends who love this song, “The Safety Dance” (1982). It is quite catchy, and troubling for me, once it’s in my ear, it’s hard to dislodge. Those lyrics —

We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well, they’re no friends of mine

Say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind

And we can dance

h/t to AZlyrics.com

The words are easy to exploit to use for other purposes. For example, I have sung to my cats, “You can eat if you want to, or you can leave your food behind. But if you don’t eat, you won’t get a treat, and it’s your fault, not mine.”

So, here, enjoy “Men Without Hats”.

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Floofhaha

Floofhaha (floofinition) – an uproar caused by a housepet.

In use: “A floofhaha erupted when one cat jumped onto the table – where no animal was authorized – and the beagle started barking to alert the people about the crime, causing the flighty young tabby cat to leap off the window sill to a coffee table, where they slid into houseplant, sending it crashing to the floor.”

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Floofculent

Floofculent (floofinition) – a housepet who is aggressively defiant.

In use: “”Get off the table, you floofculent beast,” she said, squirting the cat again. Emitting a long, scornful meow, the small tuxedo fellow hunkered down, but stayed on the table.”

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Floofjacent

Floofjacent (floofinition) – a housepet’s propensity for sitting or laying beside their people, or staying close to them as people walk around.

In use: “He noticed that his pets – three dogs and two cats – always sought to be floofjacent to him. As a game, he would begin walking in one direction, wait until the pets were all floofjacent, and then suddenly change directions and rush away. They quickly caught on to his ruse, except for the beagle, who was always getting distracted.”

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The Landing

Through dint of concentration, manifested by slow walking and constantly watching the cup, I can usually carry a cup of coffee across the room and not lose any.

It’s on the glide path to the table that I usually lose some. Yes, sometimes I miss the landing.

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Floofeiture

Floofeiture (floofinition) – the loss or giving up of something to a pet, most often in reference to furniture, but also used in connection with food.

In use: “Finally admitting the he needed to get up to pee, he reluctantly did so, knowing that doing so meant floofeiture to one of the animals waiting to take his seat. If he had to bet on it, he would say the corgi would win.”

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Floofkin

Floofkin (floofinition) – an animal with a bright orange color or markings that resembles a pumpkin; an indulgent nickname for a pet.

In use: “”Hey floofkin,” he said as the bright orange tabby ran up to him. Its tail was straight up except for a crook at the end. “Want something to eat?”

“”Mew,” the kitty replied, rubbing against the man’s leg.”

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pump·kin

You ever write a word and stop to consider it, and then decide that it looks like it’s spelled wrong? But you then pull out a dictionary or go online and discover that it’s spelled correctly?

Happened to me with pumpkin this morning.

I think I need more coffee. Coffee knows how to spell everything.

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The Wait

I write on a laptop, typing and editing as I go. It has its bennies and shortcomings. For instance, you ever become so excited to write and edit, so looking forward to getting started that the muses are singing in your head and their energy is coursing in your blood vessels? But then you must turn…on…the…computer….

Then…open…the…program…

Then…open…the…document…

And…it…seems…to…take…about…two…million…years..?

Exasperating.

I am exaggerating. It doesn’t take two million years, but rather about three minutes, what with the things that are done automatically on startup, like Internet connections and security software updates. It just feels like a looonnnggg three minutes.

But it’s all open now. I have fresh coffee at hand. Time to write and edit like crazy, at least one more time.

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Cofloofitate

Cofloofitate (floofinition) – to share a place with pets; pets of different species sharing a dwelling.

In use: “Cofloofitating with dogs, cats, and birds, he was surprised by their demonstrated intelligence and compassion. They comforted not only him when he was sick or sad, but watched over one another, too.”

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