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Floofercise (floofinition) – exercise achieved by interaction with a housepet; exercise routines used by housepets.
In use: “Every day, the young orange cat walked up to the person when she emerged from the bedroom and mewed in greeting, and then jumped into a floofercise routine, galloping around the room as though an invisible rider had applied spurs to the cat.”
Floofmiration (floofinition) – a feeling of wonder, pleasure, or approval about a housepet; a housepet’s demonstration of wonder, pleasure, or approval about an object or being.
In use: “It was a mutual floofmiration process, with the cat on the man’s lap, gazing at him with adoration as the man stroked the cat’s gray fur, and the two dogs lounged on the sofa on either side, relaxed and comfortable.”
Floofversive (floofinition) – a housepet seeking or intending to subvert an established system or hierarchy.
In use: “The big boxer knew he was the resident king, but the new puppy was an unaware floofversive.”
He’d been in darkness for so long, he’d last track of who he was. Questions plagued him about the value he put on himself, his purpose and goals, maddening lack of motivation, and most of all, who he was . He was so lonely, never seeing others. Sometimes he heard them and yearned to be part of the conversations and celebrations, but he never seemed to have the courage or strength needed to make that change.
Then, one day, the Earth moved in a starling way. He felt a hand on him. It drew him into a light.
“What’s that?” someone said as he blinked against the unaccustomed brightness.
“A wrinkled old ten dollar bill,” someone else said. “Woo hoo, I’m rich. Beer’s on me.”
I have friends who love this song, “The Safety Dance” (1982). It is quite catchy, and troubling for me, once it’s in my ear, it’s hard to dislodge. Those lyrics —
We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well, they’re no friends of mine
Say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance
The words are easy to exploit to use for other purposes. For example, I have sung to my cats, “You can eat if you want to, or you can leave your food behind. But if you don’t eat, you won’t get a treat, and it’s your fault, not mine.”
So, here, enjoy “Men Without Hats”.
Floofhaha (floofinition) – an uproar caused by a housepet.
In use: “A floofhaha erupted when one cat jumped onto the table – where no animal was authorized – and the beagle started barking to alert the people about the crime, causing the flighty young tabby cat to leap off the window sill to a coffee table, where they slid into houseplant, sending it crashing to the floor.”
Floofculent (floofinition) – a housepet who is aggressively defiant.
In use: “”Get off the table, you floofculent beast,” she said, squirting the cat again. Emitting a long, scornful meow, the small tuxedo fellow hunkered down, but stayed on the table.”
Floofjacent (floofinition) – a housepet’s propensity for sitting or laying beside their people, or staying close to them as people walk around.
In use: “He noticed that his pets – three dogs and two cats – always sought to be floofjacent to him. As a game, he would begin walking in one direction, wait until the pets were all floofjacent, and then suddenly change directions and rush away. They quickly caught on to his ruse, except for the beagle, who was always getting distracted.”
Through dint of concentration, manifested by slow walking and constantly watching the cup, I can usually carry a cup of coffee across the room and not lose any.
It’s on the glide path to the table that I usually lose some. Yes, sometimes I miss the landing.
Floofeiture (floofinition) – the loss or giving up of something to a pet, most often in reference to furniture, but also used in connection with food.
In use: “Finally admitting the he needed to get up to pee, he reluctantly did so, knowing that doing so meant floofeiture to one of the animals waiting to take his seat. If he had to bet on it, he would say the corgi would win.”
Michael Seidel, writer 