Tag: humor

Last Wish

Dressed in a long, glossy black skirt, black boots, and a hooded black rain coat, she shuffled in slowly. Her steps made no sounds. A little bent forward, white, with wire rim glasses, she looked straight ahead.

She looks like death, he thought.

Turning, she looked at him, raised a black-gloved finger at him, and smiled. She is death, he realized. The scene changed. Instead of being at a coffee shop table typing on a computer, he was squirming and shaking against the shock of being born.

Great, he thought back in the other moment, guessing that he was going to endure a this-is-your-life montage before dying.

That was probably going to take a while.

He wished he had more coffee.

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Floofkanda

Floofkanda (floofinition) – An isolated region where housepets roam in safety and happiness while learning about the secrets of the universe.

In use: “Many people think their pets die, but in reality, they’ve found the bridge to Floofkanda. Although they love their bipedal friends, a natural imperative forces them to cross the bridge and reach Floofkanda.”

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Disturbing Results

He didn’t know how this fit into anything.

Completing his manuscript, including revising and editing it, he scoured the net, found a dozen prospective agents, and sent it off to them.

Three weeks later, he hadn’t heard anything from any of them and decided to beat the net to see what was happening with his prospective agents.

Imagine his surprise when they all turned out dead.

Well, he’d always thought it was a killer idea.

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Gadfloof

Gadfloof (floofinition) – a housepet who provokes others into action by criticism.

In use: “A true gadfloof, Raven beckoned Suzo forth with mews and glances until Suzo followed her. When they stopped, Raven sat down in front of the litter box. She looked at Suzo and then dolefully looked at the box. Suzo looked at Raven. Raven looked at the box again and Suzo realized it needed to be cleaned.”

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Acfloofsition

Acfloofsition (floofintion) – acquiring a new pet for the household; reference to a new housepet added to the family.

In use: “He’d not planned an acfloofsition, being happy with the two cats he’d had for ten years. It was actually the cats’ fault that he added a new Dalmatian. They’d found the poor dog half-dead in the backyard. The grey old male with amber eyes, Adamas, kept watch while the other cat, Smudge, returned to the house and meowed until he came out to see what was going on. Once he saw the dog, a bond grew with phantom speed.”

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Floofjury

Floofjury (floofinition) – a wound or wounds inflicted by a housepet; one or more judgemental housepet(s).

In use: “He rolled over. Arising from its sleep, his cat reared back and swatted across his face, leaving him with a bleeding floofjury.”

 

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Parfloof

Parfloof (floofinition) – a housepet that seems average or ordinary.

In use: “Small, with tabby stripes and short-hair, she seemed like a parfloof, but she had a wicked intelligence and the will to hold sway over everyone else.”

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Urban-floof

Urban-floof (floofinition) – housepet who lives in the city.

In Use: “As urban-floofs, when the dogs were taken to the country, the wide, grassy fields and lack of noise seemed to surprise them, for they stood and looked for several minutes before starting to sniff around.”

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Deutsch-floof

Deutsch-floof (floofinition) – a housepet residing in, or born in, Germany.

In use: “Since he’d been stationed in Germany and acquired his cats there, they were technically Deutsch-floof.”

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Urfloof

Urfloof (floofinition) – a housepet who acts like ore resembles a bear.

In use: “The black cat’s shaggy coat and general swagger reminded everyone of a bear, gaining him the affectionate floofbriquet, Urfloof.”

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