Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofloaf (floofinition) – a housepet that resembles a rolled up towel or a loaf of bread; a healthy pet that prefers not to move around, but lazes in one spot; a person who doesn’t change positions because a pet is on them.
In use: “He’d been a young fighter when they’d brought the orange kitten into the house but within a year, he became a floofloaf who enjoyed nothing more than a good nap, a warm lap, and a bit of kibble a few times a day.”
Overfloof (floofinition) – in households with more than one pet, the pet that usually keeps order (if there is any order).
In use: “In a household of two Beagles, one German Shepherd, and one Jack Russell along with four cats (and a hamster), a bird was the overfloof. Able to mimic the doorbell, garbage truck, and vacuum cleaner along with the sound of crinkling plastic and their masters’ voices, the bird kept the animals in a wary but peaceful vigil.”
Floofvana (floofinition) – in floofism, a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, because one is with their housepets, and the world feels as perfect as it can be, at least for a moment.
In use: “Tired from working and cleaning the house, and running around on errands, she sat down on the couch. The Corgi and cat soon joined her, making room for themselves and each other on her lap. With one purring and both looking drowsy, she soon entered floofvana. Everyone should have pets, she thought. It would make the world a better place if they did.”
Floofxiety (floofinition) – worrying about a housepet; a housepet’s worry about a noise, activity, or another animal.
In use: “He was on vacation, staying at a lovely beach house, but floofxiety flooded him when he heard about a wildfire near his town. He didn’t care if he lost his house or its contents. He just wanted to ensure his cats and dogs were safe.”
Floofgry (floofintion) – a hungry, drowsy look that housepets use when they’ve been asleep and are awakened by the sound of an opening container.
In use: “Hearing him open a new package of toilet paper, the small orange tabby raised his head and favored him with a floofgry look.”
Quadrafloof (floofinition) – surrounded by four housepets.
In use: “Quadrafloof was the normal situation when he and his wife settled down in the evening. The cats took the laps, the dog took an end, and the bird took a shoulder. Then, eating popcorn and watching a movie was the standard practice until the popcorn was gone, all were asleep, and the television went on with its broadcasting.”
Foot-floof (floofinition) – a housepet who likes to sit or lay on someone’s foot or feet as part of their expression of affection.
In use: “He didn’t know where and how they’d learn it but whenever he stopped, the dog sat on one foot and the cat sat on the other, rendering it impossible to ignore them. He believed that was the plan. They never got on his lap; they always were on a foot, originating their nickname, the foot-floofs.”
I smell a pipe and remember Dad.
Cigars remind me of my smoking fad.
Mother dear arises with sights of Salems and Kools.
Pall Malls and Marlboros put me in the office with chain-smoking fools.
But marijuana rolls me back in time
to my youth, when a hazy high was sublime.
Subfloofinal (floofinition) – a housepet’s ability to do something without people noticing.
In use: “Despite her awareness that the cats were fond of stealing food off her plate and had dibs on anything brought into the house, she put her plate on the table beside her and sat down to read. When she did, her Bombay Black employed subfloofinal tactics to steal several pieces and take them to the floor, where she and the other two cats happily devoured them.”
Misfloofievous (floofinition) – irresponsibly playful housepet; a housepet who’s playful in a naughty, teasing way.
In use: “Smart and misfloofievous, the black lab quickly understood the people’s patterns and habits. Being people of habit, they retired to the den to watch television in the evenings. As soon as one went that direction, she raced ahead, found the remote control, picked it up in her and began a game of keep-away. She was always pulling floofnanigans.”
Michael Seidel, writer 