Parfloof (floofinition) – a housepet that seems average or ordinary.
In use: “Small, with tabby stripes and short-hair, she seemed like a parfloof, but she had a wicked intelligence and the will to hold sway over everyone else.”
Urban-floof
Urban-floof (floofinition) – housepet who lives in the city.
In Use: “As urban-floofs, when the dogs were taken to the country, the wide, grassy fields and lack of noise seemed to surprise them, for they stood and looked for several minutes before starting to sniff around.”
Deutsch-floof
Deutsch-floof (floofinition) – a housepet residing in, or born in, Germany.
In use: “Since he’d been stationed in Germany and acquired his cats there, they were technically Deutsch-floof.”
Urfloof
Urfloof (floofinition) – a housepet who acts like ore resembles a bear.
In use: “The black cat’s shaggy coat and general swagger reminded everyone of a bear, gaining him the affectionate floofbriquet, Urfloof.”
Flooffeinated
Flooffeinated (floofinition) – becoming energized by the interaction with, or the presence of, housepets.
In use: “Although he made coffee every morning, stepping into the back yard with his cat and dog instantly flooffeinated him as they rolled in the grass and sunshine, and then chased one another.”
Beer-floof
Beer-floof (floofinition) – housepet who enjoys drinking beer.
In use: “He had to watch his dog because the little beer-floof always lapped out of his mug of beer whenever the opportunity came.”
Techno-floof
Techno-floof (floofinition) – a housepet who enjoys interacting with electronic technology or who is fascinated or entranced by electronic technologies such as telephones, televisions, and computers.
In use: “After showing his cat videos of birds and squirrels on the large smart-TV, Cameron was surprised one day when he heard the television go on, apparently by itself, in the living room. When he checked, he found his cat sitting on the sofa beside the remote. It seemed like the little techno-floof had watched him and knew how to turn it on.
“No way, Cameron thought. There had to be another reason for how the television came on.”
Interflooftion
Interflooftion (floofinition) – a task or activity left incomplete because of a housepet’s assistance.
In use: “She planned to put up the Christmas tree and decorate it, but a classic interflooftion orchestrated by the cat and involving the puppies shredded that plan.”
The TV Movie Dream
The dream felt like a made-for-TV rom-com. I was a clean-shaven young NCO in a pressed service-dress uniform and tidy haircut. Due to weather circumstances and other logistic problems, I was required to help a four-star general for an evening. The general was a notoriously finicky and critical man, but I accepted my assignment with an aw-shucks gulp.
He was at a conference. The evening didn’t go as planned but I managed to keep a step ahead, and it went well from the general’s point of view, if not to anyone else’s thinking. (Sorry, but details are lacking.) The general then wanted to leave – now. But his aide, chief-of-staff, and other personnel weren’t there. Nonetheless, he wanted to go now. So I led him out of the building.
It was late a cold and starless late night outside. It’d been snowing for several previous days but sunshine had prevailed that day. Much snow had melted, flooding streets with icy slush. It was messy and travel was limited. But no problem, I took to the general to my parents’ house. Previously in the evening, I’d come by and set up a place for the general in their sprawling split-level. After showing the general to his place, I went upstairs and told my parents about their house guests. They accepted it with a matter-of-fact shrugs and smiles.
After that, I checked in on the general. He was fine, didn’t need anything and stressed, he didn’t want anyone to disturb him. He had work to do and then was retiring for the night.
Good to go. I returned to the convention center and encountered the rest of his group, as hoped, because they needed to be told what’d happened. They demanded to know where the general was. I explained it all to them and answered their questions. Their hostility soothed, they admitted that I’d done well. One insisted that he wanted to visit the general. I told him the general said he didn’t want disturbed. I left them discussing what they were going to do and went home.
As I arrived home (my parents’ house), a car of young women pulled up. The neighbor’s daughter left the car. The car left with the young women leaning out of their windows hooting and waving at me. The daughter, a short brunette in her late teens whose father was in the military, came over and flirted with me, beginning, “I hear you kidnapped a general.”
I told her the story. We flirted and then I was temporarily called to the house because the general wanted something to drink. When I returned, the young woman’s older sister, a tall blonde, was there. She asked me, “What would you do with slush like this when you were a kid? Wouldn’t you build a dam?”
“Absolutely,” I said.
The older sister said, nodding, “You settled a debate. Good-night.”
She left us. The young women and I went for a walk along the slushy street, building slush dams, but also breaking one open.
The dream ended.
***
Somehow, from all of this, I ended up thinking that the dream was about the outcome was the only thing that mattered.
Michael Seidel, writer 