Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofbilant (floofinition) – adjective that reflects housepet’s jubilant expressions or feelings.
In use: “Looking around, she noted her floofagerie’s floofbilant floofmosphere. Dogs’ tails were thumping like high revving engines, the bird was hopping from foot to foot, and above it all was the cats’ melody of thrumming purrs.”
The sun on my fur
Kibble and water for me
Life is sweet, sweet, sweet
Infloofsition (floofinition) – a severe questioning conducted by one or more housepets.
In use: “The floofizens gathered to conduct an infloofsition as soon as the bag was opened. When she set it down, the cats jumped up on chairs and tried reaching into it with their paws, while the big dog tried shoving his snout into the bag (earning a swat from a cat), and the little dog sniffed the air while jumping up and down, trying to see the bag.”
Floofizen (floofinition) – animal inhabitants of particular place.
In use: “Some floofizens are shy or adept at hiding in plain sight, challenging the ability to know if animals were present, but this wasn’t true for Millie the Boxer. She was the official door floof.”
The Internet of Floof (IoF) (floofinition) – connecting devices to share information about animals, often focusing on housepets and their antics, or the love relationships between odd animal couples, usually through social-media postings.
In use: “On the Internet of Floof, it’s not surprising to discover dozens of posts a day about a neighborhood saving a cat in a tree, an old dog living on the street being saved and finding the safety and comfort of a home for the first time, or a pig raising orphaned kittens. Anything is possible on the IoF.”
Hearing the sharp meow, thumps, and swearing, she knew what’d happened.
He came in seconds later. “That cat is so stupid. He’s black. He knows I can’t see him, but he still lays on the rug, and I almost step on him or kick him, and he gets upset. You’d think he’d learn.”
She answered, “He’s a cat. You know he’s not very smart. You’d think that you’d learn by now.”
He glared at her for several seconds before saying, “Sure, take the cat’s side,” and stalking out.
Cenofloofic (floofinition) – household era that began when the newest housepets joined, continuing to the present. Unlike geological eras, epochs, and stages, the definition of floofic eras are often fluid.”
In use: “Lady passed, and so ended the mesofloofic era of their life in Ashland. Papi joined Tucker and Boo as the house cats, and so began the cenofloofic era with three new pets.”
Floofpoch (floofinition) – an event or a time characterized by having one or more specific housepets whose presence defines a new era.
In use: “The Flash Floofpoch meant no other animals were permitted in the yard, let alone the house. The little cat was on constant vigil against interlopers, jumping up from sound floofzes to rush to the window, look out, and growl at other beasts — squirrels, cats, dogs, people, whatever.”
Floofprocity (floofinition) – expectation among housepets that if one pet is given something, the others get some, too.
In use: “”Hello, sweetie,” he said to his puppy, bending down giving the happy, wriggling animal several scratches and kisses. As he looked up, the other dog and both cats headed his way, ready for some floofprocity.”
Hear ye, hear ye, attend all ye interested in this news.
Anal bleach is now available at Walmart.
I find this news amazing for two reasons: one, who wants to bleach their a-hole? How do you reach that point, when you wake up one morning and think, time to bleach my a-hole? I can’t ever imagining awakening to that morning.
Then, they probably think, well, where do I get a-hole bleach?
Mind, I don’t know if that’s what it’s called. I don’t know what you say when you’re in Walmart and can’t find the a-hole bleach. What do you ask an associate? “Excuse me, can you tell me where the a-hole bleach would be?” Or do they already have them up on the little signs that tell you what’s in the aisle?
My number two to all of this is, a-hole bleaching is now so mainstream that Walmart is selling it.
Of course, I remember the ruckus raised when women modeled brassieres in the Sears catalog. It made the news!
A-hole bleach at Walmart didn’t make the news. Guess it wasn’t newsworthy. My wife read about it on some post. She shares my shock that people are bleaching their a-holes and the stuff to do it is sold at Walmart’s. It’s all about our age, culture, mores, and norms. Somehow, we just don’t think a-hole bleaching is going to turn out to be a good thing, but that circles back to our A-C-M-N, doesn’t it? I guess it’ll be real news when you can buy it at your local grocery store.
I think I’m going to go vape some green and think about what it all means.
Michael Seidel, writer 