Haifloof #39
Dreamfloof
Dreamfloof (floofinition) – 1. The perfect, most wonderful pet. 2. An animal who only appears in visions.
In use: “Except for her intolerance to other animals, Flash was a dreamfloof.”
Floofmandering
Floofmandering (floofinition) – Dividing a house in a way to give one pet an advantage over others.
In use: “The cat realized that the the only way into the main part of the house was through one hall, so, floofmandering like a classic politician, she positioned herself as a tollfloof in the hall after the dogs went into the game room area, and dared them to try to get by back into the main house.”
Unrefloofpant
Unrefloofpant (floofinition) – No exhibition of shame or remorse by a housepet for its behavior.
In use: “The cat pushed a bottle of nail polish off the counter. “Stop it, Jade,” she shouted. Unrefloofpant, Jade looked at her and batted a bottle of pills to the floor.”
Floofgasm
Floofgasm (floofinition) – Net slang for a feeling of intense pleasure derived from animal companionship.
In use: “All I remember is napping with the kittens and puppies through the afternoon’s long, sweltering heat. What a floofgasm.”
Roberferghen
He came into the kitchen and watched her as she flitted from counter to counter, cupboard to pantry, collecting ingredients and utensils. The oven was on. He wondered what she was baking. “What’d you say about Roberferghen?”
She flashed him a quizzical look. “Who? What?”
“Just now. I was in the other room and you said something about Roberferghen several times.”
“What’s Roberferghen?”
“I don’t know. That’s what I came in to find out.”
Picking up a measuring cup, she sifted flour into it and shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“What were you just saying?”
“When?”
“Just now, before I came in here?”
Shaking her head, she poured the flour into a bowl. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
Her tone made it clear that the topic was closed. Turning, he sighed and left.
Now he’d never know what Roberferghen is.
Infloofticated
Infloofticated (alternative spelling: inflooxicated) (floofinition) – emotionally excited, elated, or exhilarated by a housepet’s presence.
In use: “Home after a rough trip, the triplets – two tabbies (siblings) and her big white Spritz/Samoyed mix, Max – rushed to welcome her back. Within seconds of their welcome, she felt infloofticated, and weariness sloughed off her.”
Floofhole
Floofhole (floofinition) – 1. An obnoxious pet who seems deliberately contrary and unruly, often bothering and annoying others. 2. A pet who seems insatiable.
In use: “A big dog, he ate with gusto and ran with energy, a floofhole who seemed to swallow cans and bags of food without noticing, trying to eat everything else within reach, too. Nothing was safe.”
Tollfloof
Tollfloof (floofinition) – housepet who blocks a common passage such as the stairs, a doorway, or hall, and doesn’t let others by without payment.
In use: “Dobie and Gillis were both tollfloofs. Both liked getting tolls paid on the top stair. Dobie offered his beagle belly for a rub as a toll. Gillis, though, turned on her amber-eyed target acquisition system and swatted anyone who dared to pass, but with her claws withdrawn.”
Floofarchy
Floofarchy (floofinition) – social organization marked by the pet’s supremacy in a household or family.
In use: “His love of animals was apparent, and his social posts suggested that he supported a floofarchy, allowing his pets to do anything (or so it seemed) while treating them like England’s royal family.”
Michael Seidel, writer 