Box Floof (floofinition) – A housepet who enjoy climbing into boxes to explore, often remaining them to nap and play.
In use: “Three cats, and yet the five boxes attracted none of them. There wasn’t a box floof among them.”
Misfloofcreant
Misfloofcreant (floofinition) – A housepet who behaves badly or outside of the accepted boundaries.
In use: “Knowing that she’d misbehaved, the furry misfloofcreant sat down and regarded her people with soulful eyes. She knew that the eyes always let her off the hook. They couldn’t resist her eyes.”
I’m Gonna
What I’m gonna do and who I’m gonna be
keeps slipping away from me like sand between my
toes
Love is a stunted realty, sex is a wistful fantasy
Train wrecks in prolonged slow-
mo
Days whiz by like pee in the night
Time sits by at one side, mocking and laughing at me and my plight
I have no idea how anything
goes
Birds still sing, the sun rises and sets
I could tell you more
but you know the
story changes, rearranges every day and
night
I think I know what I’m gonna do
like everyday before,
got my coffee, I’m in my seat,
I think I’m gonna
write
Floofmonym
Floofmonym (floofinition) – Words that incorporate terms for animals, such as catalog or dogma, or the sounds that they make.
In use: “The word “homeowner” is a floofmonym with “meow” in it.”
h/t to Barbara Froman.
One More Complaint
I don’t mind sweating, but I’ll tell you, I intensely dislike it when the sweat makes my boxer shorts stick to my butt cheeks. Makes me want to swear off undies, but then I’d just end up with my shorts stuck to my butt. The only option seems to be to avoid sweating, unless someone makes undies that repel sweat…
Woof.
Floofverse
Floofverse (floofinition) – 1. Poetry about animals, especially housepets. 2. A housepet with a base that’s narrower than their top. 3. A pet that has the opposite personality or exhibits the opposite behavior from another.
In use: “The cat and dog came from different places but arrived at the same time. Firecracker, the cat, was all white, social, and energetic, while Drury, the black puppy, was Firecracker’s floofverse in all ways: quiet, shy, gentle, and retiring. Despite this, the two animals loved being together.”
Floofgon
Floofgon (floofintion) – A large container in which drink is served to housepets.
In use: “During the hot summer, multiple floofgons were placed around the house so the animals always had fresh water to keep them hydrated.”
The Perverse Inverse Law of Hurrying
Have you ever noticed..?
You’re trying to hurry. You’re eager to get started or — shudder — you’re running late. Perhaps you overslept or ignored the alarm clock, or kept playing with your pet (and that’s not a euphemism). Maybe you can blame it on your computer – “Did you see today’s headlines?” – “I was this close to a new high score.”
Whatever the reason, cause, or excuse, do you see how it seems to cause everything to automatically go against your efforts to be quick? Lines form, traffic jams, the computer takes it time applying a gajillion updates, and the people ahead of you can’t find their credit card — debit card — cash — checkbook.
Your mind gets in on it. Suddenly you remember, “Damn it, I forgot my list,” and you need to retrace your steps, or you can’t find your keys/glasses/shoes —
Or the toilet stops up, and the water rises —
Or a car’s blocking your vehicle in.
It’s enough to make one scream.
Flooftraction
Flooftraction (floofinition) – 1. Becoming preoccupied by a housepet’s sounds or activities. 2. A thing that absorbs a housepet’s attention or interest. 3. An animal’s grip on a surface.
In use: “Birds and squirrels became a flooftraction for the cat, whose chittering was a flooftraction for the dog, whose fixed staring became a flooftraction for Marla as she went to get ready for work.”
Michael Seidel, writer 