Tag: humor

Floofbador

Floofbador (floofinition) – 1. A class of poets who focus their lyrical attempts on writing about animals.

In use: “He wasn’t a floofbador, despite his efforts to create haifloofs.”

2. A person who likes singing to animals.

In use: “Each day, she sat down to be a floofbador by singing opera, immediately drawing the shepherd to her presence, where he anxiously tried looking into her mouth to see what was going on.”

3. A singing animal, particularly of traditional floof songs such as the classic, “Feed Me Now”.

In use: “Every morning, usually at about five thirty, depending on the weather (she wasn’t fond of cold, wind, or precipitation), the neighbor’s little feline floofbador stole in through the pet door, went to the bed, and began her song of desperate hunger, belying her plump appearance.”

 

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Afloofment

Afloofment (floofinition) – 1. The state of being amused by an animal’s behavior.

In use: “Everyone enjoyed watching amusing animal behavior, but the web facilitated an explosion of afloofment as people posted and shared funny animal actions by the thousands each day.”

2. Activity done to entertain or distract animals, especially housepets.

In use: “After a new pet joins the household, people typically exert time and thought to see what afloofment their new fur friend likes, trying games like fetch, tag, and rassle.”

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Again

Remembering the past doesn’t do much good.

That’s what they tell me. The past is dead. Water under the bridge.

But we still spend a lot of time there, arguing about what happened in that particular moment (ah yes, I remember it well), trying to pick out the jigsaw pieces of memory that shows how we got here. (You’d think that weird shape would be easy to find, but the pieces are harder to place than you would have believed.)

Remembering the past can be entertaining. Like, remember how your football team used to win? Remember how skinny and good-looking you used to be? Thank god for photos, or no one would ever believe it, right?

Then sometimes, you pause, glancing up to see yourself coming in through a door in the future, then hold your breath as you look back to see who you were and squint at your self-image to know who you now are.

Then the present — which was the future and has now become the past — crowds in with needs about what you were going or where you were doing — oh, look how mixed up I am! — and then rights your direction until memory calls you away again.

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Flooflicious

Flooflicious (floofinition) – Something that is highly pleasant in taste, smell, or appeal to an animal.

In use: “The cats each varied which canned food they’d eat and what kibble they preferred, but when it came to tuna water, all agreed that it was whisker-licking flooflicious.

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Floofinist

Floofinist (floofinition) (archaic) – Ancient floofish term for a person who treated and cared for animals during the Age of Afloofination, the period when animals came to Earth and became acquainted with humans.

In use: “Not trained as a vet (indeed, she had no formal education —  she didn’t even graduate from a secondary school), she displayed a remarkable affinity for animals’ health and moods, and upon learning of floofinists from the Quenta Floovarillion, adapted it for herself.”

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Flooface

Flooface (floofinition) – The facial expression that people don while addressing animals.

In use: “Squatting down to the speak to the large dog, she raised a hand, finger extended for him to smell, put on an inviting flooface, and adopted a comforting tone of voice to earn his trust.”

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Floofedge

Floofedge (floofinition) – Surface marred or disfigured by an animal’s repetitive use.

In use: “The bathroom door jamb had a blackened floofedge where the paint was wearing thin, where the cats liked to stand and rub their chins while talking to him when he was on the can.”

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St. Seata

Today, I applaud St. Seata. 

Like St. Asphalta, St. Seata was originally a human who became a saint who attained a godlike presence by fulfilling others’ needs as expressed through prayer. St. Asphalta was all about cars, transportation, and traffic; you appeal to St. Seata for sitting issues. Sometimes, in mass transportation, such as trains and commercial airlines, St. Seata and St. Asphalta work together to address people’s prayers.

St. Seata’s origins stretch back into the caves of antiquity and are known through ancient cave paintings discovered in Europe. One of the first human cave dwellers, others often came to St. Seata’s cave and asked, “Hey, can you fit one more in there?” St. Seata always found a way to oblige.

As with many of the ancients, St. Seata fell out of favor for a period as organized religions and wealth dominated the seating scene. He eventually made a comeback via as major disasters like the great fires of London and Chicago, or wildfires, typhoons, hurricanes, and earthquakes that took down populated areas. As space and safety became scarce, people found themselves appealing to find a place to sit.

Entertainment has fortified St. Seata’s presence. People looking for tickets to events such as soccer and football games, the Olympics, music concerts like the Beatles, etc., draw him forward to help them with their pleas for seats, too. St. Seata tries to help them all.

My prayer to St. Seata was for a much less dire situation. Sunday morning, and I was late to the coffee shop. Spotting the full parking, I worried about getting a seat where I could sit with my coffee, plug in the ‘puter, and do my writing thang.

St. Seata obliged with my second favorite space. Thank you, St. Seata.

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