Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofnyrd Skynyrd (floofinition) – An American southern rock floof band known for bluesy power ballads, active beginning in the late sixties.
In use: “One of Floofnyrd Skynyrd’s most popular songs, “Free Dog”, about a young retriever getting out of its yard and running around the neighborhood, is one of the longest floof songs ever recorded for commercial release.”
Floofrito (floofinition) – 1. A small animal.
In use: “After the dog finally gave birth, four black and brown floofritos were snuggled against the exhausted female.”
2. An animal wrapped in cloth, such as a blanket, so as to resemble a burrito.
In use: “It’s become a practice to wrap rescued little ones in blankets for warmth, creating charming floofitos.”
We’re self-isolating, practicing social distancing. Yeah, this isn’t because I’ve sworn off people (“I’ve had it with you damn people!” he yelled in dramatic fashion, shaking a fist as he did), but because the gov’t. is following epidemiologists’ advice, trying to flatten the curve by slowing COVID-19’s spread.
Thinking about going for a walk through the neighboring streets and hills, having coffee (in my house), or doing yard work, the Clash’s punk-rock classic, the rockin’, “Should I Stay or Should I Go” 1982. I imagine many people have pondered this the last few days – should I stay or go to the store, etc.
It struck me as a humorous choice, and a rockin’ one.
Pink Floof (floofinition) – British hard rock/progressive musical group formed in the late 1960s.
In use: “Two of Pink Floof’s best-known songs are “Dark Side of the Floof” and “Is Your Lap Comfortably Numb”, songs released in the early to mid-1970s.”
Floofciprocity (floofinition) – The practice of mutually exchanges items, kisses, or hugs between animals or humans and animals.
In use: “Most floofciprocity between humans and animals come during affectionate exchanges, but be forewarned, some cats end the floofciprocity with the flick of a tail.”
ForeignFloof (floofinition) – Prock floof band from Amerifloof and Floofland formed in 1976 in Floof York.
In use: “Formed in the late seventies, ForeignFloof hit the charts with “Dirty White Dog”, “Floof Games”, and finally “I Want to Know What You’re Eating (I Want You to Show Me)”, their biggest hit.”
He cited Elon Musk. “Elon Musk thinks the threat from the coronavirus is overblown. He’s a smart guy, and I agree with him.” Nodding, his friends came in closer to hear him. “Musk said that you’re more likely to be killed in a car accident going home from work than from the corollavirus.”
He purposefully misspoke, mocking the term, making his friends snort and scoff. “Just like President Trump said, this is a hoax. Yeah, sure, there’s a disease out there, but it’s not that big a deal. It’s not even as bad as the swine flu. We survived it, and we’ll survive this, too.”
“Fuckin’ a,” “Damn straight,” and “Preach it brother,” friends replied as others nodded agreement and encouragement.
Patient 46 continued, “The media is exploiting the news and the gullible sheeple because they don’t like Trump. They want this virus to succeed. They want people to die. It’s just like Trish Regan said, it’s an impeachment scam. They couldn’t legally impeach Trump, so now they’re trying to do this. You know she was right, because they shut her up straightaway, took her right off the air. Why else would they do that, if she wasn’t right?”
The rest agreed. A newcomer arrived. Greetings were bellowed.
Patient 46 turned away. It felt hot as hell in the bar. Sweat peppered his forehead. He took another long swallow of cold Bud to drown his fever. Nausea swarmed him. He mopped his face with a sleeve and then wiped his palm across his face. “Damn, it’s hot in this place,” he said loudly, but the televisions and jukebox drowned his words.
A grinning friend leaned in close. “Hey, man, don’t you know that you’re not supposed to be touching your face?”
The two laughed and slapped their palms together in a high-five salute. Each then made a show of touching their faces. Then, shrieking with greater laughter, his friend said, “No one said that I can’t touch your face.”
“Right on, scratch my nose for me,” Patient 46 said. His friend obliged as the two snorted and giggled.
It was the last thing that Patient 46 remembered before he awoke alone in the hospital. Lit machines were beeping, sighing, and humming. Tubes snaked to and from his body.
Such bullshit, he thought, such bullshit, what an over-reaction. Closing his eyes, he fought to breathe. Someone poisoned him, he thought. Trying to shut him up and make an example out of him. Probably the CIA or FBI. They were arms of the shadow government that Obama and Killary were running. Everyone knew it.
He’d show them. He would survive this fucking assassination attempt, and then share his story as a precautionary tale about the measures the libtards would take to shut people like him up.
Patient 46 died a few days later. His story remained untold. His services were sparsely attended.
Everyone was too sick to attend, but all agreed, it was a damn shame that such a smart guy, a real man like him, should die in a hospital bed like that.
Yes, a damn shame.
99 Floofballoons (floofinition) – International hit song by the rock floof band, Nenfloof.
In use: “The song, “99 Floofballoons” was about balloons that animals were using to save trapped animals, but humans, mistaking the balloons for UFOs, began shooting at them. The animals used their quantum cloaking to hide further activities from humans, successfully de-escalating the situation.”
Holofloof (floofinition) – A representation of an animal it in three dimensions, created by modifying light perception.
In use: “Many animals (most commonly housepets) employ holofloofs to trick humans. For example, people often think their cat or dog sleeps in one place all day, or that their goldfish spends their time swimming around. These are often holofloofs. Using holofloofs allow the animals to travel and do other things without worrying their humans.”
Floof Mitzvah (floofinition) – Animal celebration for coming of age, borrowed from Jewish tradition. Most cats typically celebrate at least nine floof mitzvahs, while dogs and other animals usually only do one.
In use: “Mama cat decided it was time for a floof mitzvah for her five little ones, and began vigorously grooming them for the event.”
Michael Seidel, writer 