Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofnostic (floofinition) – An animal who doesn’t believe or disbelieve what a person said, but remains doubtful and ambivalent about it.
In use: “The cat and dog each were floofnostic when their human said, “It’s cold and wet outside. You won’t like it.” They each insisted on going out, but then immediately wanted back in.”
Pseudo Floof (floofinition) – Floofstralian floof wave band formed in Floofbourne in 1982.
In use: “Pseudo Floof is mostly known in Floofmerica for their cover of “Funky Floof” in 1986.”
Flooftini (floofinition) – A martini of any variation which includes animal fur in it. Sometimes also referred to as a floofy martini.
In use: “It was his habit to make martinis for him and his wife after dinner, and they became floofinis, accepted as the cost of having three cats, two dogs, a rabbit, and a hamster as pets, a tiny, tiny price to pay.”
Jackson Floofe (floofinition) – Floofmerian singer, songwriter, and musician who gained floominence in the late 1970s. Although being very prolific and successful and being inducted into the Floof and Roll Hall of Fame, he has never had a number one hit.
In use: “One of Jackson Floofe’s early hits was “Running On Kibble”, which stayed on the charts for over seventeen weeks in 1978.”
Dysfloofia (floofinition) – The inability to understand or relate to animals, especially pets.
In use: “The root cause of dysfloofia is often a faulty belief that animals don’t have a soul, are ignorant and unthinking beasts, or that they don’t have feelings.”
Somewhere out shopping this weekend, the expession “Jeezalou” struck.
I was probably looking at the price of something. Or maybe the sodium levels. You ever check out the sodium levels in processed foods? Some of them offer eighty percent of the recommended daily intake in one small serving. Jeezalou. Likewise some sugars levels. Holy Jeezalou.
Voices and personalities are stuck to the term. A previous boss and dear friend, Laura D, used it often. A co-worker, Paul, also used it. Both were from New Jersey, almost the same neighborhood. I wondered if it was a local thing.
I also wondered about its origins. Also, it’s correct spelling. After wondering these things, I know; I’ll do a search on the net.
Clever me, right? Sure.
Initial sources suggest it’s ‘loo’ and not ‘lou’. No sources told where it came from. Some people wonder if it’s Canadian, because they’ve heard Canadians use it. I do remember it being used on Canadian television shows, but also the show, Everybody Loves Raymond.
I speculate it’s related to people exclaiming, “Jesus.” That’s frowned upon for religious reasons in some places and times, so it was flavored to be non-religious by adding the ‘aloo’ part. Just speculation.
My wife agreed with that idea. She remembers using “I swear” and being chastised by religious relatives. She then switched to “I swain”, which also drew criticism.
Jeezaloo, those were gentler times, weren’t they?
Better than Floof (floofinition) – Floof Orleans-based floofsical group formed in 1988. The four original members were all Loufloofsia State University attendees when they formed the band.
In use: “Better than Floof major song was their first hit, “Good”, which was featured in the film, The Floof-Sitters Club.
Infloofception (floofinition) – An animal’s action or behavior that prevents a person from continuing to a destination or completing a task.
In use: “Many people working from home during the pandemic experience infloofceptions as their pets floofspire to play, be fed, or sleep on top of laptops.”
Prefloofcupied (floofinition) – 1. To be distracted by an animal’s behavior, needs, or wants.
In use: “She’d planned to get up and make a coffee cake but became prefloofcupied with the kittens.”
2. An animal who seems obsessed or deeply focused on a sound, action, or activity.
In use: “She opened a can and called her dog, but he was prefloofcupied with something beyond her view outside.”
I’m on my knees, typing at my desk.
The cat is asleep on my chair.
It wasn’t so planned. I’d been typing when I raised my coffee cup to my lips and discovered it empty and dry.
No coffee.
But I had plans, and they included coffee.
Damnation.
I got up and went into the coffee to make more. When I returned, the cat had taken my chair. Curled up, he looked asleep.
Could that be right? I’d been gone two minutes. He’d taken over the chair and gone to sleep in two minutes? Yes, I was suspicious.
He’s done this before, so I know the routine. I moved the chair out of my way (the cat didn’t move anything during this — not a whisker, not an ear, not even a tail twitch), dropped to my knees, and resumed my activities.
When at last I was did, I stood and stretched. Now I needed water. Turning sideways, I slipped past the sleeping cat on the chair, my back to him.
That’s when I farted.
It wasn’t anything dramatic, just a loud burping noise.
That’s when the cat swatted me.
I stared down at him. “Did you just swat me?”
He was looking up at me. I swear that he looked defiant. I thought, he’s been planning this. He’s been thinking, I’ve had enough. The next time that he farts in front of me, I’m going to swat him.
I glared at him. “I don’t fart that often.”
Rearranging his paws, he lowered his head and closed his eyes.
I think he looked smug.
Michael Seidel, writer 