Floofnimical
Floofnimical (floofinition) – An animal who seems hostile or malevolent.
In use: “Many animals, when first encountering humans, seem floofnimical — especially if sick or injued — but people find a steady, patient diet of soft words, healthy food, and some space for the animal to relax often causes a one eighty in the animal.”
It’s Alive
Three AM?
An insistence buzzing breaks my sleepwall. As consciousness is dragged forward, so comes awareness that this noise is arriving from the Fitbit on my wrist. Yes, I’m one of those who sleep with a bit on my wrist. Use it to wake up, check time, a quick splash of illumination when necessary, and such matters. But why at whatever broiling dark thirty hour was it going off?
Don’t know. Checked the digitalware and found it cycling through its functions. Perhaps it’d gone crazy from heat or being with me. It’s a Charge 2, an old device that’s not even supported any longer. I’ve worn the bugger for years, going through fasteners and bands.
A smart person would have plucked that sucker off their wrist and gone back to sleep. But I ignored it, leaving it on my wrist, as it came up and buzzed every three seconds, announcing, “Notification” like it was telling me nukes were inbound or fire was consuming the house. Eventually, no surprise, all those notifications sucked the life right out of it. It was totally dead when Tucker awoke me for Sixes, his affectionate term for a six AM feeding. He was meowing, “Get up, get up, time for sixes.” I put the FB on a charger. My wife started her day shortly later. I told her about the Fitbit and asked her to wake me when she left for her exercise class because I was going back to bed.
“It’s probably dead,” she said. “You probably need a new one. It is old.” Then she promised to wake me.
The final exchange left me wondering about electronic lifespans among devices and their ratio compared to human years. It probably varies to some degree between, say, microwave ovens and iPhones. I decided, without real reason except how often and quickly our tech marvels expire, that one human year equals ten digital years. Your ten-year-old electronic device is 100 in digital years. JMO.
When I checked on the Fitbit an hour later, it was fully charged and alive. My dashboard showed no data lost except for about two dark hours.
All’s well, then, though, looking at it, I could use a new band. This one looks fifty years old. Makes sense. I bought it four years ago.
Kibble Balance
Kibble Balance (floofinition) – The extremely precise quantity and kind of food an animal, especially a housepet, deems acceptable. The Kibble Balance exists on a spectrum known only to animals and is thought by humans to constantly fluctuate. Such fluctuation vexes humans’ ability to feed animals.
In use: “The cats just loved the new grain free kibble Michael provided them but abruptly turned their noses up to it on the third day, when changes to the Kibble Balance shifted their interest in the that food.”
Monday’s Wandering Thought
In a true WTF moment, he reached up and back to scratch the top of his back. His fingers found a round, flat object. Poker chip? That’s what it felt like but how and why it was there was a mystery.
It wasn’t a poker chip; it was a U.S. quarter.
There had been a U.S. quarter stuck to his back. Really, WTF?
Saturday’s Wandering Thought
Right-handed, when he put his socks and shoes on, he always did the left foot first. He wondered, has this ever been studied? Was a correlation between dominant hands and which foot you did first? A natural relationship was suggested but has it been studied? Did it need to be studied?
Psychosweet
Psychosweet (floofinition) – Floof expression for an animal who is alternatively very sweet, relaxed, and friendly, and then outrageously crazy, aggressive, and energetic.
In use: “Thomas and his family fostered three kittens — Wendy, Tootles, and Mongo — and soon discovered they were psychosweets.”
Friday’s Wandering Thought
Every once in a while, not enough to be predicted, his cat meowed like he was Jimmy Durante imitating a cat.
Here’s a taste of Jimmy Durante’s voice for a point of reference.
Michael Seidel, writer 