The first woman said, “She is fostering two kittens and I’ll bet she’s going to be a foster fail.”
The other woman replied, “Wait, did you say that you had a cat that lost its tail?”
Sunday’s Wandering Thought
Sometimes when he was people watching, he wondered how many of them would be shit flingers if they were monkeys. Just one of many things he wondered, but there it was.
Saturday’s Wandering Thought
He walked down the street to a little bakery, bought coffee and brought it back to the vacation house. Climbing the steps to their room to give her coffee in bed, he sang, “Coffee man. Coffee man. He brings you coffee when no one can.”
She giggled like a happy child. “Coffee Man has always been my favorite superhero.”
Flooflexia
Flooflexia (floofinition) – Difficulty associated with identifying animals or calling pets by their correct names.
In use: “Her boyfriend constantly confused Gracie and Dixie, and that flooflexia was almost a dealbreaker.”
Thursday’s Wandering Thought
His computer was having a senior moment today, making it an unnecessarily trying and irritating morning. Tabs would close, tabs wouldn’t open, websites couldn’t be reached and loaded slow.
Could be worse, he philosophized. Could be worse.
Monday’s Wandering Thought
He encountered a friend and told him, “I like your shirt. That’s very nice.”
“Thank you,” the friend replied.
“Would you sell it to me?”
“What?”
Brainstorm! He’d start a reality game show — “The Shirt Off Your Back” — where minor celebrities would go around offering people money, gifts, or favors for the clothes they were wearing. It’d be sort of a poor person’s Indecent Proposal.
It was dumb enough that it might just work.
Sunday’s Theme Music
Late log in on this August 14, a Sunday in the common era human year of 2022. That’s the date according to the instruments. Looks like a decent world. I’ve already sampled the drink which they call coffee and sent a glowing report back to headquarters. Feel like I can fly back there without a ship after drinking that coffee!
Greetings from Earth! I made it. As expected, the situation for humanity is swiftly deteriorating. Few of them should remain in another five hundred of their years, making our conquest very easy. I am looking forward to it.
The data specifies that I’ve landed in a small town in the Rogue River valley in Oregon in the United States on North America – their terms. Sol, their local sun – they only have one – passed the eastern horizon as the world turned at 6:17 this morning, using their time reference, shortly after I touched down. Air samples revealed the fresh, oxygen-rich atmosphere that we’d anticipated and a temperature of 22 Gluck, cool for us but a comfortable temperature for humans and most other life firms of this small rock. I’ll stay here, where the temperature will reach 30 G until the sun sets. I want to see a Terran setting sun. I heard that pollution makes them very pretty. That sunset will take place at 8:13. Then I’ll take off and continue to my final destination, Mars. It’ll be interesting to see how Mars as changed since I’ve last been.
Meanwhile, I’ll drink coffee and listen to human music. Influences of others who’ve been to Earth are felt. Although a large spectrum of music is available, the genres and its offspring known as rock and roll most please my neurons. There seems to be a mental musical stream which this music has ignited. I have one particular song, which I’ve learned is called “Crossfade” by Cold, playing in this stream. (Sorry, I have that backwards. I don’t understand this aspect of their terminology, and why Crossfade is the band’s name and “Cold” is the song title. Perhaps I’ll study it while I’m here.) I find myself inexplicably humming this song, “Cold”, off and on as I do other things. The song came out about one hundred years after I hatched, which would make it 2005 on Earth. I do not know why it continues to play in me in this way. I’m not the first to experience this, of course. Elvis warned us about it in his report, for example.
I am going to drink more coffee now. As always, my Lygers, stay positive and test negative. Hope to be home again in a mersoon. Meanwhile, please enjoy this song which is trapped in my head. See what you make of it.
A small orange striped creature which humans call a cat is approaching. It seems to know our language! I will provide an update later.
Bleck
Michael Seidel, writer 