Tag: humor

The New Toothbrush

We bought new toothbrushes a few months ago. A Costco impulse buy, I’d seen it advertised on Hulu at night. We’ve had our Phillips Sonicare for a decade plus and weren’t really looking for a change but the display for the new Sonicare Smart Brush just past the television displays pulled me in.

I called my wife over to check it out because it was full of interesting features. The brushes look almost invisible. I had to really squint, holding them up to my eye to see them, but they glow pale white when the brush is turned on. Its battery pack is very small and holds a charge for up to three months of standard use. Yeah, right, like I believed that. And it’s supposed to take under 54 minutes to fully recharge, which I can confirm, it does.

But what really interested me was that you attach a toothpaste pod to it. The toothbrush will automatically feed the right amount of cleaner to the bristles for you to get the best mouth-cleaning experience. An amber light blinks when it’s time to refill the pod. The ‘cleaner’ is less like a paste and more like a spray. Different flavors are available. I use spearmint but my wife uses cinnamon. Tests show that this cleaner also wipes out plaque. Cool.

A small blue light comes on and it softly chimes whenever you’re at a ‘problem area’ where you need to brush longer. The light goes green when you’ve done the area enough. The brush turns itself off when it detects that your mouth is cleaned and tells you, “Spit and rinse”. I know, it sounds crazy. My wife was dubious but a two pack with extra heads was less than eighty dollars, including the cleaner pods, so we agreed and bought them. Do I need to tell you who really loves it? Yes, her.

The one thing she still doesn’t like is that it’s black, as is the ‘paste’ (I still don’t know what to call it), so when you’re done brushing, your teeth and mouth are all black, but she agrees that the toothbrushes are great. The black all rinses off and our teeth look amazingly white. It still surprises me when that blue light goes on. It also has an app for your phone to remind you to brush. It dings and vibrates and then displays a message, telling you how long it’s been since you last brushed. It’ll also send those messages to smart watches and Fitbits, if you set it up.

So, yeah, we love them, and I recommend them. The worst aspect of this Smart brush to me is that it only exists on April 1st.

Cheers

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Floofcurious

Floofcurious (floofinition) – Curiosity or openness about other animals regardless of breed, species, or preferences.

In use: “Big Sherman — Sherm to everyone — was a floofcurious German Shepherd who checked out every person and animal he met with a wagging tail and big grin, giving them space until they accepted them, and then claiming them as a new best friend forever.”

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Community Effort

Several friends, Bob and Ellis, were in the coffee shop, sitting at a table a few feet away. Both are regulars. Bob comes in and does the Times crossword puzzle every day.

He shouted to Ellis, “I can’t get this clue. Can you help? It says, James Coburn film, In Like. I don’t know what it is. Do you know?”

“What is it?” Ellis shouted back.

Bob shouted his request again.

Sitting nearby, Michael shouted, “In Like Flint, Bob.”

Ellis said, “Let me think.”

Michael shouted, “In Like Flint.”

Bob and Ellis looked at Michael. “What’s that?” Bob asked.

“In Like Flint.”

“Flynn fits.” Bob looked at Ellis. “You ever hear of that?”

“It seems familiar,” Ellis replied.

Bob beamed at Michael. “It fits. Thanks, Michael.”

“You’re welcome,” Michael answered. “Sometimes it takes a community.”

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Saturday’s Wandering Thought

He and his wife have a friend, Heather, a fake name for this tale. Heather is an actor. Heather’s best friend in New York, where she lives, is also an actor. Heather’s friend is a regular on a TV show he and his wife enjoy watching. Whenever Heather’s friend comes on for the first time on the show, one of them will say, “There’s Heather’s friend.”

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Friday’s Wandering Thought

She said, “Where are my car keys?”

It’s a funny question these days. One car just has an electronic fob, a key contained within it for emergencies. Just one key, though. Her car, older, also has one key, with a fob. The house keys are separate — two, one for the house, and one for the mailbox — on a separate ring. They use garage door openers so she considers the house keys as superfluous and doesn’t take them.

He asked, “Why do you use the plural?” He knew why. He was just causing trouble.

She knew. “I don’t have time for you now. I’m already late. Help me find my keys.”

He went to her purse, opened it, and pulled out her key. “This it?”

“Where’d you find it?”

“Your purse.”

“I already checked it. Well, thanks, got to go.” She took the key and pecked his cheek. “Love you, bye.”

She was out and gone. He sniffed once. “Well, it is just one key, not keys.”

The cat looked at him and yawned.

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The Writing Moment

He was doing nothing. By that, he meant that he was playing a computer game. The television was on. Picard. A cat slept on the desk to his right.

His wife was in the recliner to his left, on her computer, playing a game, too, but also voicing disapproval about the television show’s plot.

Suddenly, they were there, more substantial than ghosts, surrounding him. Two seated their asses on the desk on either side of his laptop.

He looked at them. They crossed their arms and smiled. “What’s this about you’re not going to write for a few days?” one said, classic New York accent.

His muses. He wasn’t surprised. “I thought I’d take a few days off.”

The muses laughed. “Why? Stories are waiting. You’re eager to write them.”

“I’m a little tired.”

All laughed again. “Aw, he’s tired,” one behind him said in mocking sympathy.

“So?” the muse on the right asked.

“That’s okay,” another muse said behind him. “Let him go. If he doesn’t want to write, that’s his choice.”

He nodded. “That’s right. Just for few days. My eyes are tired. I feel like I need a break, you know?”

Muses leaned in. They began whispering scenes. He paused his game and watched television.

Or tried. Eager and resigned, he opened a new file.

He’d just write a little. See where it went.

The muses nodded. “That’s the spirit.”

Was it too late for coffee?

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Floofployment

Floofployment (floofinition) – Activity one engages in to support, help, or care for animals.

In use: “Unpaid floofployment is common in the U.S. as animals take over people’s homes, and then dominate their lives, but people often feel so enriched by the experience that they’ll sacrifice themselves and their comfort to ensure the floofs are safe, healthy, and happy.

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