Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofwrangling (floofinition) – 1. To herd, gather, or care for animals, especially pets.
In use: “Fostering kittens and puppies turned Sara into a floofwrangling expert, but her latest little demons were the most energetic and clever clowder she’d ever had.”
2. Arguing with an animal.
In use: “Mara was forced into daily floofwrangling with her Dobie over absolutely everything because the boy was smart and delighted in vexing her, which, ironically, was exactly why she loved him.”
Kankfloofdort (floofinition) – An awkward or embarrassing situation involving an animal.
In use: “Grace was in the middle of secretly giving treats to the scamperbeasts in the kitchen when in walked her dog. A kankfloofdort unfolded as Bear took in the treats and the munching cats, and then stared at her with hurt brown eyes.”
A new electronic traffic message sign was up, warning me of a delay ahead. Bare orange, very functional design, basically just whatever was needed to hold up the big black sign with its electronic orange characters to give the message.
Sort of surprising. I thought with all the naming/advertising frenzy going on, with companies buying the rights to naming stadiums and other facilities, buying the rights to name a construction sign or advertise on it would be a no-brainer. “You deserve a break today. Stop at McDonald’s after you’re through this mess.” Then Micky D can add two golden arches to the sign.
More inventive and creative types will go the old Burma Shave route.
“You’re trapped in a car. Surrounded by tar. Fortunately for you, Starbucks isn’t far.”
What names would you expect to see advertising on or naming electronic traffic message signs?
“Orange cones put you in mind of anything? Dairy Queen is ready.”
He went to the bathroom and entered the code. It blinked red — occupied.
Thinking it through, he thought the light had blinked red twice. He’d never seen that before, so he tried it again. It again blinked red twice.
That seemed odd. Beginning again, he suddenly laughed. He’d been entering his ATM PIN. With the correct digits entered, the door blinked green.
Abfloofdicate (floofinition) – To yield or surrender to an animal’s wishes, desires, or intentions.
In use: “Whenever her dog presented Bob with his tilted head, floppy ears, silly grin gaze, Bob abfloofdicated, saying, “Just tell me what you want,” because he knew that resistance was a joke.”
The habit to check my email is strong. Still do it every morning. It’s even more of a habit now that I’m dead. The body might be gone but not the habits. Those who died before email don’t really get it. Those who died after email died don’t either.
I had mail. I knew I would but I still heave a heavy sigh when I see the messages. It’s iMail so the box is bottomless. I haven’t been able to verify it, but I think the i in iMail means infinite. I have fifty-seven thousand six hundred seventeen unread messages and counting.
They’re all from ‘me’, that is, other versions of me who’d also died but were in a different heaven. The multiverse theory of reality is right; every decision, no matter how small or large or nuanced, generates a new universe. With iMail, the dead across multiverse heavens can connect with one another. The messages from me to me vary little from one another. It’s the same missive I sent to my other selves when I discovered this capability after I died.
“Hi Michael, it’s me. Or you, ha, ha.” With some small differences. Some open with ‘hey’. Or drop the name and call me ‘dude’. Or, Mike, M, Mickey, Micheal, Mychael, etc., or yo. Some start, ‘it’s you’ instead of ‘it’s me’. Some hyphenate the ‘ha-ha’ or leave it naked of punctuation, ‘ha ha’. ‘Hah’ is also used. And ‘ha’. And there’s every variation of all those, including capitalization and punctuation and language. Because some of me were born in NAZI America because the US lost WW2. Others write from the Second United States or the Commonwealth of the United States or the Confederate States of America because I was born in Virginia, and we all share that. That’s who we are but the similarities and differences become complex.
There are some, who, like me, sent out a request. “Please stop. Don’t send me mail.” But the newcomers, who survived the heart attack which killed me — or never had one at all — or were sober, high, stones, drunk, etc. — but were killed later by cancer, accidents, shootings, on Earth, in space or on Mars, the Moon, etc, or by the first wife second wife husband father mother son, etc., — and all the many ways one of those might kill me — and different ways in which the attempt is made — and the different dates, times, locations — all of them come onboard and send out that same damn email, with variations.
I might be in heaven, but it’s email hell. You’d think I’d have the willpower to stop, but here’s the thing about the multiverses: even dead, since I still exist but as another form, every decision creates a new verse. So some of me manage to stop and quit checking their email, but it’s not me. At least today.
I’ll see what happens tomorrow. I hopefully won’t lose it and kill myself in heaven, which apparently we can do.
I’ve seen that imail, too.
Flooftinnabulation (floofinition) – A tinkling or crashing sound associated with animals.
In use: “Hearing a noise from the bedroom, Keri assumed it was a flooftinnabulation — because Jade was in a mood — of course, as always, because she’s a cat and a queen and bored — caused by the little tabby going along, knocking everything off the dresser again.”
Idiot Floofvant (floofinition) – Person who is highly knowledgeable about one animal or species but knows little about other animals or species.
In use: “Having lived with thirteen cats over the last five decades (and friends with a dozen more), Michael acknowledged he’s an idiot floofvant who knows cats and that’s it.”
Michael Seidel, writer 