Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
The cat led him into the feeding area. Bending down to pick up the kibble bag, the man farted.
The snapped around and intensely stared. Total demeanor asked, “What was that?”
The man snorted. “Oh, what an exaggeration. Like you never heard me fart before.”
The cat pranced to his food bowl. Sitting, he emitted a happy chirp and smiled up at the man.
The weather floof ran in, energetic with excitement. “It’s snowing!”
“Yes,” I answered, “I told you it was snowing before letting you out six and a half minutes ago.”
“It’s really coming down,” the weather floof continued.
“I know. We can see that through the window.”
“My fur is wet. Feel it.”
“Really?”
Not getting the sarcasm (they never do), the weather floof walked to the kibble. “I’m going to re-energize and then go out and see what the weather is like.”
The weather floof is Papi. He is and forever shall be the ginger menace, the orange blade, flash, and a bunch of other names, including Meep. He originated as Meep when he was the neighbor’s cat for the sound that he made. Now that he’s lived with Tucker for a few years, he’s found a proper meow and only rarely meeps.
He’s right about the snow. It’s really coming down. Seriously, it’s coming down. Not laying or sticking, at 36 F. But snow in March in Ashlandia? That forced a number of Ashlandians to pick their jaws up and put them back in place. How many days in a row have we seen snow? That surprises us, too. Every day, Alexa tells us we have another winter weather advisory. “Snow will start at twelve AM and continue falling until nine PM.”
Skiers are happy, though. “Hey, there’s new powder on Mount Ashland.” Yes, we know.
Dawn began early. It is entertaining to find dawn’s arrival obviating lighting requirements as I feed cats, let them out, and let them back in. We only have two now, down from five. The two we have seem to think that they need to fill the space and use the time previously allotted to the departed cats. Sometimes, I’ll call for the late felines just for these two’s reactions. Ears go back. They check each other and look over their shoulders, probably worrying about ghost cats. That’s all we’d need to make life complete.
Maybe that should be a television series: Ghost Pets.
It’s Sunday, March 5, 2023. Just around the corner from little sister’s birthday. Sunrise was at 6:40 and sunset will be at 6:06. The weather floof says it’ll be chilly and snowy today. Sunlight barely lights up the back of the grey sky of clouds. High temp will be 39 F.
A Neil Diamond song, “I Am I Said,” 1971, flows through the morning mental music stream. My wife asked me (again!) if I was going to do some household task. I replied, “I said I am.” The Neurons took it from there.
Stay pos. Drinking coffee helps me in that regard. Gotta go now. The weather cat wants back out. Cheers
He read in a paper, “…they were laying down on their stomach.” He frequently reads sentences like that and wonders, is down necessary? Could they be laying up or in another way? It seems redundant.
Like that phrase so constantly heard, “I was thinking in my head.” Like, where else do you think? Explain.
Snow men, women, and children guard the college dorms, apartment buildings, and many residences. The sun retreats behind clouds in the face of such numbers.
Flooformation (floofinition) – 1. Animal’s ability to change its look, attitude, or behavior.
In use: “Crystal was a sweet little Bombay black with a softly questioning meow, a deeply happy purr, and the most gorgeous black velvet fur. She loved sleeping on laps, but the first sound of an animal fight brought a flooformation into baleful-eyed ninja cat, terrifying other animals — and humans who got in her way.”
2. A change to an animal brought about by care, patience, and/or medical assistance.
In use: “His first years in the neighborhood, Tucker was identified as a black and white terror, a beast unwilling to back down and eager to bring it on. Dental work, patient words, and a home to call his, and his flooformation into a doting lap cat began.”
3. The standard pecking order or line up shared by animals.
In use: “When Michael took the cats for a walk at night — his three, with the neighbor’s big orange cat joining them — they always used the same flooformation, Jade on point, Rocky and Sammy flanking her, and the neighbor cat finishing the diamond as a rear guard. With Michael setting the pace and direction, the five moved as one.”
The rear door was cracked open.
A shout went up. “A runner approaches.”
Papi, the famous ginger cat, galloped in to great applause and cheers. The door was shut and locked behind him.
Locals crowded around the dashing feline. “What’s the word, Papi? What’s it like out there?”
The heroic floof’s amber eyes flashed. His tail slashed the air. “Snow. Everywhere. Up to my belly. And still, it snows. Quick, I need food. Hurry, damn it.”
It’s been about sixteen hours straight of snow falling. Am I sure that it didn’t stop in the night? No. But it was falling whenever I looked. This is the small, dry powdery stuff. Little relative moisture in it. And it’s piling up. Eight inches in some places around my Ashlandia patch. No wind, so there’s no drifts.
It’s Tuesday, February 28, 2022. Sunrise’s ticket was punched at 6:48 AM. Sunset: (trumpet flourish) 6 PM.
The sky is white, as is the ground, and white stuff religiously falls. It’s like the white album. 30 degrees F out there, so not too cold. Today’s high will be 35. Tonight’s line will be 29. It’s a narrow operating margin. Feels like a good day to stay home. Drink coffee, read, write. Got books, will sit. And we have heat, power, all those things, and food. We’re in good shape compared to quake and tornado victims, and homeless folks. The city and churches have opened shelters and established places for people to go. Breakfast and dinner is served.
The Neurons are showing an impish side, playing Billy Idol’s “White Wedding” (1982). “It’s a nice day, for a, white wedding,” Idol sneers. “It’s a nice day to start again.”
Okay.
Stay pos. Hope you’re doing well wherever you be on this day, and that good things happen for you, to you, etc. Coffee is served. Here is Billy. Cheers
It was a lot of waste.
Morgan was uncomfortable. It felt unnatural. All these years of recycling and trying to reduce waste. Now he was piling it outside.
“There.” Grinning in delight, ogling their pile of junk, Joyce backed away from it. “That’s a pretty good pile of junk and garbage.”
His wife peered up into the sky. “When are they supposed to come?”
“Any time.” Exasperation frosted Morgan’s tone. This had been explained numerous times. “They know it’s here. They’ll come and get it.”
Joyce answered, “Why can’t they tell us when?”
That, too, had been gutted as a topic. “I don’t know.”
He and Joyce studied their pile. Old printers and laptops. Unused televisions. Rugs. Boxes of junk. Old paint. Bags of shredded personal papers. Joyce insisted they be shredded. She didn’t trust the aliens. Like, what did she think was going to happen? These extra terrestrials from another solar system had come to Earth to steal their personal information?
It was good that they’d come. First, they cleaned all the oceans, and then junkyards. They paid well for everything.
“This is a great place,” a leader, Galic, said in a televised press conference.
Galic was a gorgeous black woman. Every female alien he’d seen was eye-watering stunning. He’d not seen any males among the ET, formally known as Porqzens. R-Q-Z was pronounced as a hacking sound.
Galic said, “We love your junk. We’ll take all of it that you can give us.” They were also eager to tear down houses, buildings, and bridges not in use. They wanted it all. “We’ll you if you want. Gold, dollars, diamonds, crypto. Just name it.”
Not everyone liked it. “Why are they doing this? What do they want it?” Mostly conservatives were asking these questions because Galic told them, “We’ll reprocess it to create materials and energy. We’re already so efficient that we have no waste.”
Humans weren’t appeased. They had reasons behind their doubts. “How do we know they’re real?” GOP Presidential candidate asked. “What if they’re taking all these resources to build machines to take us over? What about the recycling and garbage disposal companies? They’ll all go out of business. That’ll put unemployment up.”
Others speculated, “This is a liberal trick. There are no aliens. They’re using these materials to secretly build death rays and disintegration guns. They’re gonna use the disintegration guns to take away all our guns.”
Yes, it was a pickle.
Flat-earthers were freaked. “The Porqzens are Underworlders. They’ve lived on the other side of the planet, the bottom. They’re coming to take us over.”
Morgan didn’t care. All he had to do was put his junk at his curb for pickup? Lot easier than loading it up, hauling it to the various places, and unloading it. And they were paying him, instead of him paying them? Groovy.
A Porqzen popped into the space in front of Morgan and Joyce. Gorgeous, of course. Tight dark red outfit. Looked like leather. Blonde. Smile like a billion watts.
“Hi, Morgan and Joyce. I’m Zugar. We’re taking your waste now.” She handed them dark goggles. “Most people want to see it happen, so we provide these goggles. Please cover your eyes so the light doesn’t hurt them.”
Morgan and Joyce did. Through the lens, Morgan witnessed a dull light cover his pile. Looked purplish under the lens. Stayed there for about five seconds.
“That’s it,” Zugar said. “All gone. You can take your goggles off. Those are yours to keep for future pickups.” She whipped out a slim wallet and counted paper money out. “One thousand dollars, as agreed. It’s the minimum, I’m afraid.” She sounded like she meant it.
Joyce took the money. She and Morgan stared at it.
Zugar said, “It is real U.S. currency.” She laughed. “We sold a bucket of leftover lithium to the U.S. government.” She handed Morgan a card. “Just call us when you’re ready for your next pickup. Any questions?”
The humans shook their heads.
“Then I’ll take my leave. You all have a great day.” With a small bow and a bright smile, Zugar disappeared.
“Well, that was easy,” Joyce said. “She looked like Farrah Fawcett, don’t you think?”
Morgan nodded. “Do you think we’ll ever go to their planet?”
YouFloof (floofinition) – Social media site where animals post videos predominantly featuring humans acting silly, being sweet, or featuring stories of animals saving humans. Some videos of humans being cruel are also shared as a learning experience.
In use: “A popular YouFloof video depicts a team of humans working together to rescue stranded kittens. Many animals remark in the comments that such behavior restores their faith in humans.”
Michael Seidel, writer 