Today’s Wandering Thoughts
They entered the coffee shop, passed the hall with two restrooms in it and two signs pointing out those restrooms and walked to the other end of the coffee shop and stared at the employees’ break room door. Then they walked back to the counter and asked the baristas, “Do you have a restroom?” If they’d let their eyes go left, they would have seen a third large sign saying, “Restrooms” with a significant red arrow pointing the way and explanatory text, “The restrooms are in the hall to the right.”
Sometimes, though, you know, urgency just pushes rational thinking and observational skills right out of the brain.
FAIS
FAIS (floofinition) – Internet slang which is shorthand for ‘Floof-Activity Interrupted Sleep’, an expression used to convey why people are tired or did not receive a good night of rest.
In use: ‘Despite a hefty cup of caffeinated latte, Barb kept yawning, finally apologizing, explaining, “FAIS. My puppy and cat decided to play tag at three AM, and then a bear started going through people’s trashcans, which made every dog in a square mile join the barking.”‘
Floof Sleep
When he settles for a nap
The floof comes along
Sniffing to confirm his identity
Verifying he’s still alive.
The floof settles in
And then settles again
And again
Draping a paw over his chest
Pushing a furry head against his cheek
Taking too much room
Rendering him captured and immobile
As he relaxes and sleeps.
Awakening stiff but refreshed
He reminds himself again
Sleeping with a floof is the best.
Saturday’s Wandering Thought
He had a rogue eyebrow hair. It curled up and away, refusing efforts to make it fit with the rest of his eyebrow. With a suppressed small sigh, he cut it back. He’d learned years ago that once an eyebrow went rogue, it needed to be trimmed. Don’t pull it, though, no. All kinds of things could happen if you pull it, including a gray – or worse, a white – replacement hair growing in, or nothing replacing it at all, leaving you with smaller and small eyebrows.
Simplefloof
Simplefloof (floofinition) – 1. An animal with few needs or worries.
In use: “Rocky was a simplefloof, happy with a toy, some kibble, and the company of humans or other animals.”
2. An animal whose foolish behavior or silly personality is often the subject of repeated stories for others’ amusement.
In use: “A sweet simplefloof, Peaky loved playing with a rubber worm but despised how it felt and tasted. She’d bat the toy across the room, then wash her paw before galloping over to the toy again. Whenever she picked it up in her mouth, she immediately dropped it, shaking her head. Yet, she’d pull the toy out of her little toy chest whenever it was put away.”
Friday’s Wandering Thought
He wondered and worried, would hotel rooms begin emulating air travel pricing, monetizing everything? He wondered if there would be a day when he reserved a room but that doesn’t mean he has a room – just like buying an economy airline ticket or even rental cars (see Seinfeld for more). He can imagine going online to rent a room and being offered upgrades. Ten more dollars for both a bed and chair in the room on top of what you’re paying for a preferred floor and location, size, and view. Twenty-five more for pillows, sheets, and blankets. Go for the Deluxe Room Plus – it includes complimentary coffee and a television, just fifty dollars more.
Wednesday’s Wandering Thought
He didn’t know why they were called ‘hair balls’ or ‘fur balls’. What his cats expelled were little fur logs.
Furgs.
Tuesday’s Wandering Thought
He watched some workers using a backhoe to move a mound of dirt. That’s just what I need to clean the kitty litter box, he thought.
Flair
I wear a hat on most days. It’s an olive green Tilly, my second one. Several pieces of flair adorn it.
I encountered a new young barista at the coffee shop today, Teagan. She told me how much she likes my hat and all the stuff on it. I smiled, replying, “That’s my flair.”
Saying, “Oh, my God,” Teagan began laughing.
“Office Space,” I supplied.
“Yes, yes, yes!”
She and I reminisced about the movie’s big moments and enduring legacy. The red stapler. The consultants. Cubicles. Destroying the annoying printer. TPS reports. She loved the movie, she said, especially the ending.
Yes, it worked for me, too, when it came out in 1999. I’d retired from the military and was working for a startup in Palo Alto, CA, at that point. Written and directed by Mike Judge, starring Ron Livingstone, Jennifer Aniston, and Stephen Root, the movie spoke to me about corporate culture and management. Remembering it now after the convo with the barista, I sit here grinning, ready to break into a laugh.
Michael Seidel, writer 