Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Bamfloofzled (floofinition) – Being outsmarted or tricked by an animal or animals working in concert.
In use: “As the dog made a noise in a kitchen, Nancy set her plate of food down and went to see had happened. The cat immediately jumped up, seized food in her mouth and dashed off to share it with the dog. Returning, Nancy saw her missing food and sighed. Yes, she’d been bamfloofzled.”
“I know you,” he said with a lick to my hand.
“Perhaps not from here, but from another time and land.”
“Yes, I know you, too,” I said to the little whiskered face.
“I’m glad we found each other once after coming to this place.”
So we’re privileged to witness, once more,
the transcendent love between a paw person,
and the human they adore.
I botchecked myself (another noun becoming a verb). Verification was returned that I’m a bot.
The results trouble me, of course. If I’m a bot, why have they made me so human? (And who is they who made me?) I don’t need to struggle with weight and mood swings to convince others that I’m human, do I? I know many humans without weight issues and mood swings who seem quite human to me.
Maybe they’re not human.
Also, if they made me a human-like bot, why did they push me to want to be a writer? Was this by original design specifications, or has something gone awry with my wiring? It sure feels like my wiring might be off, with the plethora of crazy dreams I experience and all the muse bullshit that I endure.
After running this information through my systems a few more times, I settled on several questions as more important than the others.
You’d think that, as a bot, I’d be able to find this information without great difficulty. You’d think that, and you’d be wrong. For some reason, my maker is keeping me in the dark about these things.
She’d never had one before, but she thought it was time. Everyone else had one. That made it time. Otherwise, she was not part of the norm. She liked being part of the norm.
They were so tiny, they amazed her. She walked past their cages, looking down and studying the inhabitants. A few made noises at her, but most stayed back, wary and watchful. It was one of the latter that attracted her.
Stopping before his cage, she knew he was the one. White, with brown hair and a beard, he looked older than most. Older ones were rarely adopted. His clothes smelled; she would need to buy him new clothes. They took care of themselves, but often needed supplies. Besides food, he would need grooming materials and clothes. The Center sold it all, goods the Forces had captured and brought back with them for the pets.
“Open the cage,” she said. “I want to see this one.”
He seemed to realize something was going on because he stood and stepped forward. His tiny hands were balled into fists. The inhabitants of the other cages began making noise as his cage opened. He stared up at her as she leaned in and picked him up.
“Careful,” the slave said.
“I am,” she said, resentful of the other’s tone and words. “I know what I’m doing.”
The slave scuttered back.
The human fit in her hand. He was so small, delicate, and light. “He has blue eyes,” she said.
“Yes,” the slave said.
She liked his blue eyes. “How old is he?”
“He’s fifty, in human years.”
“How long will he live?”
“He’s been treated. I’ll probably live another hundred human years with proper care, which is about twenty-five of our years.”
“I know. Do you have clothes for him?”
“Yes, I think so. He’s average. I’m sure we can find something to fit him.”
“Then I’ll take him.” She held the human up so he was level with eyes. “I will call you Riajin,” she said.
He squeaked back.
He was so cute.
And so I sit
in the recliner
legs and hands growing numb
with my ass feeling sore and asleep
hungry,
with a need to pee,
or maybe more,
not moving and staying at my station
because the cats are on me
asleep
You idiot, I groused
Just move
They’re cats
They’ll live
But don’t they look so sweet and comfy?
Michael Seidel, writer 