Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Acflooftion (floofinition) – the process of adding animals or materials associated with animals, such as food, toys, and furniture, to a location.
In use: “With one floof, little sign of acflooftion is usually noticed, but as more animals join the household, acflooftion accelerates, with more food and water bowls seen, along with toys, pet doors, and things like beds.”
Floofnoulli’s Principle (floofinition) – A principle of floof culture which states that the increase in a human’s stealthiness when they’re preparing, getting, or consuming food directly relates to its tastiness or desirability, and a floof must therefore use more energy to try to get their share of the food as quickly as possible.
In use: “Although apparently asleep, Daisy heard the subtle kitchen sounds. Instantly recalling Floofnoulli’s Principle, she leaped from sleeping position to dead run, sliding to a stop in the kitchen in front of Lisa, who was just about to eat a potato chip.”
Parroof (floofinition) – ‘Parrot Floof’: an animal or bird which enjoys resting on people’s shoulders.
In use: “Barry became known as Parrot, because the parroof was always seeking to rest himself on Klein’s shoulder, which wasn’t bad when Barry was a puppy barely larger than Klein’s hand, but more daunting when the Tibetan Mastiff achieved his full growth.”
Floofuency (floofinition) – Human’s ability to communicate with, understand, or empathize with animals. People with floofuency are often known as whisperers, i.e., horse whisperer, dog whisperer, cat whisperer, etc.
In use: “Some thought Mick’s floofuency came from living with many animals during his life, but in truth, his floofuency emerged when he met his first cat, a tabby the family adopted and named Tiger.”
Floofcological (floofinition) – Mental or emotional state of a person or animal arising from or related to thoughts or worries about animals, or observations about animals.
In use: “Her floofcological state always became anxiety-frazzled when she was forced to go away on visits and not be with her floof friends, although the ability to see and talk to them via a security system helped restore her calm each night.”
FAIS (floofinition) – Internet slang which is shorthand for ‘Floof-Activity Interrupted Sleep’, an expression used to convey why people are tired or did not receive a good night of rest.
In use: ‘Despite a hefty cup of caffeinated latte, Barb kept yawning, finally apologizing, explaining, “FAIS. My puppy and cat decided to play tag at three AM, and then a bear started going through people’s trashcans, which made every dog in a square mile join the barking.”‘
When he settles for a nap
The floof comes along
Sniffing to confirm his identity
Verifying he’s still alive.
The floof settles in
And then settles again
And again
Draping a paw over his chest
Pushing a furry head against his cheek
Taking too much room
Rendering him captured and immobile
As he relaxes and sleeps.
Awakening stiff but refreshed
He reminds himself again
Sleeping with a floof is the best.
He didn’t know why they were called ‘hair balls’ or ‘fur balls’. What his cats expelled were little fur logs.
Furgs.
He follows, and then he follows.
Each leading and following
Looking to the other to lead and follow,
Pausing to see where the other is,
More comfortable and reassured after knowing this,
Going back to join them, waiting,
Changing paths, creating intersections,
Following and leading,
Friends and not masters,
Weaving memories of entwining lives together.
Michael Seidel, writer 