Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Bathofloof (floofinition) – An animal, usually a housepet, which encroaches on people when they’re in the bathroom.
In use: “Barney the Beagle was adverse to closed doors in a house but the big ol’ bathfloof always unleashed a storm of howls when one of his people closed the bathroom door on him.”
Genufloof (floofinition) 1. Gestures, sounds, and postures used to earn an animal’s trust.
In use: “Feral or near feral young animals often distrust humans because they don’t know them, so humans will genufloof by lowering themselves, trying to make themselves smaller, while speaking softly and holding out a non-threatening hand.”
2. A posturing system for exchanging greetings shared by animals with humans.
In use: “Whenever Michael and Papi encountered one another, they genufloofed, Papi by first stretching his front legs and then his back legs in long, leisurely moments, and Michael, by squatting down, saying, “Hello,” offering a kissing noise, and holding out a few fingers for the cat to rub against.”
Kinefloofics (floofinitions) – The branch of floofatics concerned with floof activity and motion without reference to the causal forces.
In use: “When a new floof comes around — either as a casual visitor to the property or introduced as a new floofhold member — it’s natural for the other floofs as well as the humans to apply kinefloofics to understand what the new booger is like.” – Excerpt from “Once Upon A Floof; The Relationships Between Humans and Animals”
Acflooftion (floofinition) – the process of adding animals or materials associated with animals, such as food, toys, and furniture, to a location.
In use: “With one floof, little sign of acflooftion is usually noticed, but as more animals join the household, acflooftion accelerates, with more food and water bowls seen, along with toys, pet doors, and things like beds.”
Floofnoulli’s Principle (floofinition) – A principle of floof culture which states that the increase in a human’s stealthiness when they’re preparing, getting, or consuming food directly relates to its tastiness or desirability, and a floof must therefore use more energy to try to get their share of the food as quickly as possible.
In use: “Although apparently asleep, Daisy heard the subtle kitchen sounds. Instantly recalling Floofnoulli’s Principle, she leaped from sleeping position to dead run, sliding to a stop in the kitchen in front of Lisa, who was just about to eat a potato chip.”
Parroof (floofinition) – ‘Parrot Floof’: an animal or bird which enjoys resting on people’s shoulders.
In use: “Barry became known as Parrot, because the parroof was always seeking to rest himself on Klein’s shoulder, which wasn’t bad when Barry was a puppy barely larger than Klein’s hand, but more daunting when the Tibetan Mastiff achieved his full growth.”
Floofuency (floofinition) – Human’s ability to communicate with, understand, or empathize with animals. People with floofuency are often known as whisperers, i.e., horse whisperer, dog whisperer, cat whisperer, etc.
In use: “Some thought Mick’s floofuency came from living with many animals during his life, but in truth, his floofuency emerged when he met his first cat, a tabby the family adopted and named Tiger.”
Floofcological (floofinition) – Mental or emotional state of a person or animal arising from or related to thoughts or worries about animals, or observations about animals.
In use: “Her floofcological state always became anxiety-frazzled when she was forced to go away on visits and not be with her floof friends, although the ability to see and talk to them via a security system helped restore her calm each night.”
FAIS (floofinition) – Internet slang which is shorthand for ‘Floof-Activity Interrupted Sleep’, an expression used to convey why people are tired or did not receive a good night of rest.
In use: ‘Despite a hefty cup of caffeinated latte, Barb kept yawning, finally apologizing, explaining, “FAIS. My puppy and cat decided to play tag at three AM, and then a bear started going through people’s trashcans, which made every dog in a square mile join the barking.”‘
Michael Seidel, writer 