Sunday’s Bumper Sticker
Floof-particle
Floof-particle (floofinition) – The smallest unit of distinct and identifiable matter of an animal.
In use: “Floof-particles exist as imaginary dark matter, and is thought to be everywhere, leading to the Fur Theory, a proposal that all chemical elements are manifested from previously shed animal fur.”
Floofsecond
Floofsecond (floofinition) – A span of time involving animals that seems beyond measure but is amazingly fast and probably involves quantum entanglements.
In use: “The dog seemed old, ambling about the house like a lost shadow, but when a can was opened, he showed up at her feet in a floofsecond, eyes bright and tail wagging.”
Floofmail
Floofmail (floofinition) 1. An animal’s attempt to influence a person’s actions via affection or threats.
In use: “Deciding to resort to floofmail, the kitten started hissing and spitting, but the woman continued washing the little feline, ridding its tiny body of ticks, fleas, dirt, and grease.”
2. Traditional or electronic mail devoted to subjects and news about animals.
In use: “As he grew more concerned about the environment, he signed up for greater numbers of newsletters about animal rescue organizations. Floofmail soon dominated his daily correspondence.”
3. Mail delivered by an animal to its people.
In use: “Every day, the retriever greeted the mail carrier, ate a treat that was offered, and then accepted and delivered it to the bedridden man, which always earned him another treat, proving floofmail’s value in the digital age.”
Floofmencement
Floofmencement (floofinition) – An act, instance, or time of beginning an experience with, or engaging with, an animal.
In use: “With many people, floofmencement began with looking into an animal’s eyes. From in there, people grasped love, pain, sadness, hope, among other emotions, and took it on themselves to be with and help this creature.”
Befloofed
Befloofed (floofinition) – The animal to whom one is completely and solely committed in a monofloof relationship.
In use: “She would’ve enjoyed having another rescue cat in her home, even two more, but Flash made it clear that they were befloofed and wasn’t interested in an open relationship with any other animals, or people.”
Floofargy
Floofargy (floofinition) Animal state of indifference.
In use: “The cats heard the noises in the other room, but it was early afternoon, it didn’t seem threatening (and it was in the other room, and it didn’t sound like food might be involved), and they were comfortably napping, so…floofargy winning, the cats stretched their toes, shifted their heads, and resumed their slumber.”
Floofrupter
Floofrupter (floofinition) – Something that interrupts an animal’s normal routines, activities, or processes.
In use: “Everything was quiet, and the cats were grooming themselves after eating, when a floofrupter in the form of a large ginger cat not seen before showed up at the glass patio door.”
Floofpede
Floofpede (floofinition) – A sudden rush of animals.
In use: “The doorbell rang, and the floofpede for the safety of other rooms was on.”
Floofarazzi
Floofarazzi (floofinition) – Photographer who take pictures and videos of animals.
In use: “Upon acquiring new cell phones, many people become floofarazzi, taking and sharing photos of animals (especially pets) looking cute, sleeping, eating, fighting, washing, etc., whatever they saw their pet doing, posting the results on social media.”
Michael Seidel, writer 