Tag: floofology

Floofspeare

Floofspeare (floofinition) – A writer who is acknowledged as one of the world’s greatest and most prolific authors of all time, responsible for a large offerings of plays and novels, including The Merry Cats of Windsor, The Taming of the Poodle, Much PooPoo About Nothing, Rex the VIII, Fluffy the III, and the infamous Scottish play, Flooflet, about a terrier. Little is known about Floofspeare, and argument continues as to what animal or fowl Floofspeare was, and their sex.

In use: “Little is known of Floofspeare, leading to many fanciful works of fiction about the writer. Must well known is the series of nine books which began with the best-selling novel, The Secret Life of Floofspeare.”

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Floofhenge

Floofhenge (floofinition) – Prehistoric monument visible only to those with quantum eyesight, floofhenge represents a period when animals ruled the Earth in harmony. The peace ended when humans were permitted to come to Earth from their world via an entrance at floofhenge. Many floofologists theorize that the animals brought humans here to save them because they were destroying their own world. Others say the humans slipped through as the animals paused at the open door to think about which way they wanted to go. (Some blame the cats.) A human artifice called Stonehenge was built in an attempt to create the same quantum doorway, but humans lack animals’ quantum knowledge, and the effort failed.

In use: “With the eagle flying overhead, and a wolf and lion on either side of her, a cat, dog, and fox led her between two trees into a glade where tall stones were lit like blue stars. The dog turned to her and said, “This is floofhenge.””

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Flooftune

Flooftune (floofinition) – 1. A song that someone likes singing to their pet(s). 2. A pet’s musical offering to humans or other animals. 3. A lost planet ruled by animals.

In use: “Some claim that Flooftune never existed, as humans have failed to find evidence. Others note, it was an animal’s planet, and is still out there, only accessible to animals or to those humans who animals deem worthy.”

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FNA(Floofino Nucleic Acid)

FNA (Floofino Nucleic Acid) (floofinition) – self-replicating fur initially shed by housepets. FNO is present on almost all clothing, furniture, and food in a home with housepets, and can also be found in hairballs and animal feces. According to reports denied by NASA, FNA was discovered on the Moon during the first manned lunar landing.

In use: “Floofcon 2019 rose to international prominence when an announcement came out that floofologists had created a home FNA (Floofino Nucleic Acid) test kit to determine specifically from which animal hairs, hairballs, and the errant turd that turns up on the floor, originates.”

h/t to Jill Dennison, Floofologist

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Flooftigraphy

Flooftigraphy (floofinition) – 1. Branch of floofology devoted to studying the layers of acquisitions of toys, foods, medicines, etc., to determine which were acquired during what floofnasty. 2. Study of the layers of pet food to identify the fur’s origins.

In use: “When her friend told her that she had white fur on her coat, surprise registered; employing her flooftigraphy training, she realized it had to be from StayPuft, the marshmallow white Spritz who passed away a decade before.”

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Floofspot

Floofspot (floofinition) – 1. place on human bodies that pets like to rub. Floofologists theorize that many cats and dogs believe that rubbing a specific spot on a human will grant them complete control over the human’s activities, a practice first documented in ancient Flooflandia. 2. place on pets that humans like to rub because their pets seem to like it. 3. Specific location known as habitual sleeping, ambush, or lurking locations used by housepets.

In use: “As soon as he walked into view, the cats raced to his legs, rubbing against his calves, knees, and ankles in search of his floofspot, as their mother had taught them.”

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Flooflandia

Flooflandia (floofinition) – ancient continent where animals ruled and lived in harmony. Floofologists disagree as to whether Flooflandia is mythological or was real. Recent theories hold that Flooflandia exists but requires quantum powers and knowledge that only animals possess to reach it.

In use: “They say that in Flooflandia, no animal is an orphan, for another animal will find it and take care of it as its mother.”

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Distal Floof

Distal Floof (floofinition) – in floofology, the housepet farthest away from where a human is seated is the distal floof, and the housepet that’s closest to hand is known as he proximal floof.

In use: “If Meg was alone, Callie was a distal floof and Jade was the proximal floof, but as soon as company appeared, Jade disappeared and Callie assumed the position of proximal floof.”

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