Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Negoflooate (floofinition) – Conferring with an animal to settle a disagreement or resolve an issue.
In Use: “‘Look,’ Richard negoflooated with his floof, ‘Drink some of this slurry first, and I’ll let you go out into the yard, okay?'”
In Use: “Beginning to negoflooate with her dog, Sharon said, ‘What will it take to get you to stop barking like a mad dog? You want treats? Treats? Okay, then.’ The negoflooations ended with a floofpromise.”
Floofstulfying (floofinition) – The dulling or inhibiting effect an animal may have on others. Origins: 2020, United States (Internet), first noted during the COVID19 pandemic.
“In Use: “People who began working at home during the pandemic learned firsthand of floofstulfying as their pets came around and undermined their work effort.”
In Use: Awakening with a zest for work, floofstulfying overtook Pam’s plans as she played with the rescue kittens.”
In Use: “Productivity is sometimes compromised by floofstulfying as people watch videos of animals on the net.”
In bed. Eyes closed. Cool breeze serenading me.
Then, “thumpa thumpa thumpa thumpa”.
Helicopter, my amused Neurons told me but opening an eye showed Tucker the thumper over by a wall, where his back leg hit as he scratched.
Sounded just like a chopper to a sleepy mind, though.
Xenofloobia (floofinition) – A condition where an animal’s hatred or intense dislike about other animals causes them to behave aggressively. Origins: New Floofin, early 19th century. Related: Xenofloofic
In Use: “Many people owned by floofs with non-compete clauses to their living situation exhibit xenofloofbia, growling or issuing angry indignation at the trespasser through the window whenever any other creature enters their domain in any capacity.”
In Use: “Karen didn’t know the extent of her cat’s xenofloobia until the little critter met another cat at the door and launched a yowling charge.”
It was a night of dreams. This tale emerged from one.
Death came hard.
He hadn’t expected it. A loud noise behind him made him jump, turn, and stop as he crossed the street. A car raced toward him. He heard it but didn’t see it. The impact was short but hard.
Next that he knew, he was rising from his body, an unseen spirit slicing through the night. Below, his furry ginger body cooled on the asphalt. Stars peered through the dark, moving clouds, witnessing it all.
He was entering the quantum tunnel. Humans enjoy calling it the rainbow bridge. Amusing to him and many floofs but most respected most humans. Humans were often loyal, loving, and fun, and offered pretty good food.
He’d already used two lives, when he was two and five. First one was the stabbing. Loud voices spewed from his people. They wrestled and grunted. Glasses broke. Thumping and crying ensued.
Noises like that scared him. Fireworks. Arguments. Noisy machines.
Refuge in a dark closet among the shoes was sought. He didn’t know what was happening. Didn’t care. He never paid attention to anything not directly affecting him.
Silence fell. Body low, tail lower, he crept out.
His woman was crying on the kitchen floor. Salty snot and tears covered her face. She sagged against the dark wooden cupboards. His man was sprawled a few feet away. Blood expanded around him. A knife rose from his side.
He sniffed her, and then him, identifying anger. Love. Frustration. Pain. Death.
The decision to return the man to life was instantaneous. That wasn’t enough. The fight had shredded his people’s relationship. He not only needed to return the man to life but to a time before the fight.
Sitting, calming, eyes narrowing until they remained as emerald slits, the ginger boy focused on going back in time. A time bubble emerged in his head. He expanded it until it slipped out of his mind and into the air. Once it held him, he thought back through the hours, ignoring the shifting and burbling lights and sounds. Hard to do, because they mesmerized and threatened him.
Exhaustion skinned him after he finished. But worth it. They were happier. He took turns indulging in prolonged naps on their laps, attuning himself to their energies. When they moved, he moved, staying with them, wrapping around their legs to read their energy. As time tipped toward the remembered fight, he bit their arms or ankles, meowed and purred, or chewed their hair until their energy shifted.
“What’s with you, Gingerbread?” they asked, scratching his head and ruffling his fur. “You’re acting strange. Are you hungry? Do you want to play?”
Days passed without a fight. His purrs expanded into a loud, proud rasp. He’d succeeded.
The other life was a simpler matter, bringing the man back from death after a heart attack. After Gingerbread restored him on the sofa where his death had happened, the man awoke with Gingerbread curled up on his chest. Looking at the cat, he rubbed his mussed hair. “Wow, Gingerboy. That was some nap. I must’ve really been asleep. I feel so much better. Guess I needed it.”
Gingerbread purred back.
Yes, he decided as he floated down the quantum tunnel. His life was good. He loved his people and would miss them. He would go back.
Pushing against the growing energy currents, he pressed the other way until the night opened around him again. A light rain was slicking everything, turning it all black. His body remained where he’d succumbed. Getting back into it was a little hard because of the time which had passed, but he persisted, just as he had when he’d shed the collars they put on him. He would never wear a collar. Hated them.
“Ginger,” the man called. And then whistled.
Springing up, Gingerbread ran across the street and up to the front door. “Finally,” the man said, bending, petting him. “Was that you in the street? What were you doing? Don’t you know how dangerous that is? That’s why I worry about you.”
He picked Gingerbread up. “Come on, GB. Time to go in. Tomorrow is another day.”
Ever watch an animal stretch and yawn and suddenly envy them?
Floofsent (floofinition) – A state where animals won’t give or will withold approval or agreement, leaving others frustrated and confused; an ambivalent response by an animal caused by conflicting messages with their environment or memories. Origins: United States, early twenty-first century, Internet.
In Use: “One challenge many humans encounter is the animal concept of floofsent, in which they’ll display intentions to agree or accomodate what is being proposed while also demonstrating that something is bothering them.”
In Use: “The eminent floofologist, I.M. Thunken, believes that floofsent is a state animals encounter while trying to address mixed messages their superior senses are communicating to them, or issues of trust generated by their memories.”
Recent Use: “The injured stray dog wanted to trust the people but his floofsent was in turmoil as he confronted his rescuers and felt vibrations reminiscent of his recent tormentors.”
Whenever I come home, I check to ensure the cats are still alive. I do the same with my wife if she’s napping or in bed. Is this normal behavior.
Signed, Am I Being Macabre?
Heading into a store, I encountered a woman standing to one said, leash in hand. On the leash’s other end was a handsome but elderly golden retriever, sitting and yawning. I said good morning to her and then addressed the dog, “What a handsome, yawning puppy.”
Without a beat passing, the woman replied, “I’ll let him know what you said.”
We both burst out laughing.
Michael Seidel, writer 