Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofgineer (floofinition) — A designer, builder, or person who arranges things for animals’ use or convenience. Origins: Middle Floofish, original noted use circa 1635.
In Use: “With two old dogs and three young cats as her housemates, Shelby was an extraordinary floofgineer, installing steps and ramps for the dogs, cat trees for the felines, and floofios for both to go outside but remain safe.”
Mindfloofness (floofinition) – Practice of keeping awareness of what animals are doing, or their locations. Origins: circa 1430, Republica of Floofica.
In Use: “Leading the floofsitter around the house, Barb told her, ‘You need to exercise mindfloofness with this gang, because the dog will get a notion to do something, and then get the cats involved, and the next thing you know, it’s floofhem.'”
In Use: “Whenever the doorbell rang, Tessa needed to immediately have more mindfloofness, because both the cat and dog loved ambushing visitors in a secret little game which they seemed to play.”
Floofsize (floofinition) – To have something upended or knocked over by an animal. Origins: late 1890s, first noted in Mississippi.
In Use: “Karol the Terrorcat walked along the dresser, leaving floofsized bottles and items on the floor in her wake.”
In Use: “Galumpfh, originally named Wilson by the family’s youngest member, often floofsized furniture when he galloped through the house, shaking the floor with his floofnormous thunderpaws.”
Floofturb (floofinition) – 1. An animal which interrupts an activity. Origins: 14th century Middle Floofish.
In Use: “Marmalade is a known and famous floofturb. Interrupting the making of a bed is one of his floofcialies.”
2. An animal which causes worry or anxiety. Origins: late 20th century world wide web.
In Use: “Her propensity for roaming the neighborhood earned Patience many friends but also floofturbed her people with endless worry about her.”
Floofvision (floofinition) – 1. An added layer of telecommunications visible and audible to animals but beyond human comprehension.
In use: “Boo and Oliver enjoy sitting by the television, watching floofvision, which brings them up-to-date infloofmation about animals, new floofnology, and general enterfloofment.”
2. Formally, an organization founded by a woman to end animal abuse.
In use: “Raven tells everyone everywhere, whomever and wherever she meets them, about Floofvision and her goal of a world free of animal abuse. Humans are starting to pay attention, but the animals are beginning to flock toward her as a new Floofsiah.”
The royal clowder’s faces were grumpy. “I’m bored,” the first floof said. “This — ” He flicked a tail of disdain. ” — snow outside is ruining my day. There are no birds to watch, other cats to chat up, nor even squirrels to argue. I want sunshine!”
“I’m bored,” the second floof said as the third said, “I’m bored, entertain me.”
“Sorry, guys,” the man replied. “There is nothing I can do about it. Here’s some catnip and a couple stuffed mouses to bat around.” He walked off.
The floofs glared at his back. “I say that we replace him,” one said.
“Perhaps,” the second said. “Look how long we’ve had him, and he still doesn’t give us the food and treat that we demand.”
“Not to mention that he can’t do anything about the weather,” the first floof said.
“I’m bored,” the third floof said, and then assumed an attack position. “Wanna fight?”
The royal clowder summoned him to a meeting by the front door. The first floof said, “The weather outside is cold.” The second added, “It’s wet,” and the third went on, “And windy.”
“This must be stopped,” the first finished. “Fix it.”
“I can’t fix it,” the human replied. “I have no control over the weather, guys.”
Cat tails swished. “Silence,” the first floof roared. “If you can’t do it, we’ll replace you with someone who can.”
The three cats stalked off as the man laughed and shouted, “Go ahead and try.”
“Oh, we will,” the floofs replied. “We will.”
Michael Seidel, writer 