Telefloofic

Telefloofic (floofinition) – a pet with an appearance and manner that are markedly attractive to television viewers.

In use: “Tardar Sauce, nicknamed Grumpy Cat, was a telefloofic animal who always seemed to be disapproving of the world.”

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Floofup

Floofup (alternative spelling: floof-up) (floofinition) – 1. A mistake or error made by a housepet. 2. A human error or mistake caused by a housepet’s activity.

In use: “She swung the front door closed and hurried away, eager to open her package. In an instant, she realized that she didn’t hear a click from the door. As she turned back,  the dog shouldered the door open and darted out. Shouting his name, she took off after him even as the floofup’s magnitude began growing in her mind.”

Floofworld

Floofworld (floofinition) – a secret, non-profit vacation resort where people can interact animals. Entrance to Floofworld is by invitation only, but people must log on and ask for an invitation, a strategy to protect Floofworld and its occupants.

In use: “Thomas took a deep breath, let it out, and sat back. After a decade of arcane research, he’d found the URL for Floofworld. Rumors always circulated that at least a pair of every animal that’d ever lived still existed in Floofworld, and that it wasn’t located on Earth. Grinning, Thomas clicked on the button to create an account.”

FloofAnon

FloofAnon (floofinition) – anonymous secret organization whose members believe that housepets are either secret government spies tracking their movement, aliens who have arrived to take over Earth, or that pets are part of a liberal plot to destroy their lives by distracting them from reality. Such members also often believe that animals should have no rights because they’re dumb and lack emotions.

In use: “Per the information she read at FloofAnon, she constantly watched the house across the street through monitors connected to cameras (bought at Costco, just five hundred dollars for eight outdoor cameras, what a buy!), noting the comings and goings of the cats and dogs, and logging them on her blog, Floofwatch.”

Floofhenge

Floofhenge (floofinition) – Prehistoric monument visible only to those with quantum eyesight, floofhenge represents a period when animals ruled the Earth in harmony. The peace ended when humans were permitted to come to Earth from their world via an entrance at floofhenge. Many floofologists theorize that the animals brought humans here to save them because they were destroying their own world. Others say the humans slipped through as the animals paused at the open door to think about which way they wanted to go. (Some blame the cats.) A human artifice called Stonehenge was built in an attempt to create the same quantum doorway, but humans lack animals’ quantum knowledge, and the effort failed.

In use: “With the eagle flying overhead, and a wolf and lion on either side of her, a cat, dog, and fox led her between two trees into a glade where tall stones were lit like blue stars. The dog turned to her and said, “This is floofhenge.””

Floofviance

Floofviance (floofinition) – 1. Changing routines to accommodate a pet’s behavior, presence, or condition. 2. A pet’s action or behavior that violates the household rules.

In use: “Tail wagging, Samwise rounded the corner and trotted toward Becky. Leaping up without a sound, Pearljam swatted Samwise’s nose. As the beagle yelped and darted back, Becky grabbed the squirt gun and prepared to address Pearljam’s floofviance.”

Floofmoxed

Floofmoxed (floofinition) – 1. To bewilder or confuse an animal. 2. Being confused by a housepet.

In use: “Seeing her twin sister for the first time, Bear sat back, floofmoxed, and cautiously sniffed as the two women laughed from the room’s opposite ends.”

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