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Floofcuse (floofinition) – a stare animals employ to convey betrayal, suspicion, and disappointment that hovers around being angry and contemptuous.
In use: “Opening the bag of chips, he began eating them only to discover two cats and a dog walking into the room. Sitting down, the three held a floofcuse on him that began wearing him down. With a sigh, he held out a handful of chips and said, “Do you guys want some?””
Floofsayer (floofinition) – someone who can predict a cat or dog’s behavior.
In use: “I met a man who claimed he was a floofsayer. He gave me a kitten and said, “This cat will love you more than any person or animal has ever loved you. She will follow you everywhere, including the bathroom, and sleep on your pillow against your head.” He was right in all regards. That kitten is now ten years old, weighs twenty pounds, and still sleeps on my pillow against my head.”
Exfloofgent (floofinition) – a pet’s urgent or pressing request(s).
In use: “Although it was dark, as is usually the case at four in the morning during Pennsylvania’s winter, the cat began nudging her cheek and nibbling her nose in an exfloofgent to be fed.”
Floofversary (floofinition) – a feline or canine opponent, or a feline or canine that opposes, attacks, or resists.
In use: “The black and white cat that lived next door remained the gray tabby’s mortal floofversary. Seeing the tuxedo boy through the window always triggered warning growls, hisses, and baleful jade stares.”
Floofspirator (floofintion) – a feline or canine housepet that reaches secret agreement with the other housepets to do something against the house rules. (An involved feline is often labeled a catspirator.)
In use: “The video showed the floofspirators in action. The cat leaped onto the door handle. Hanging from it, the feline twisted the handle. The door popped open an inch. The lab nosed forward and shoved the door open. In an instant, the other dogs followed, and then the catspirator dropped from the handle and ran outside.”
Floofography (2) (floofinition) – knowing where your cat or dog housepet likes to sit or lie. (see also floofography)
In use: “He checked the floofography before turning off the lights, noting everyone’s position, confirming all were in and safe, but also lessening the chance that he might inadvertently step on on or trip over them.”
Floofductive (floofinition) – measures taken to reduce or control a dog or cat’s run of the house.
In use: “She used floofductives such as stern orders that the cat cannot jump onto the table or counter, and the dog could not sit on the sofa, but sometimes she came home to discover evidence that both events took place while she was away.”
Floofverine (floofinition) – a cat or dog that reminds people of a wolverine, either by physical appearance or behavior.
In use: “His little white and gray cat with the blue eyes was such a little glutton that he began calling her his little floofverine, leading him to name her, Hugh Jackman. He often called her Hugh, Jack, or Jackman, but his favorite alias for her remained Floofverine. It didn’t matter, because she answered to all of it, so long as he was offering her something to eat.”
Enfloofopedia (floofinition) – a reference work or compendium providing summaries of information from all branches of knowledge about cats, dogs, and other house pets.
In use: “Observing his cats and dogs and their interplay and maintaining insightful notes, he soon developed the world’s first enfloofopedia.”
Straddle-floof (catfinition) – a common game played in households with pets. The game’s simple goal is to straddle a household pet, such as a dog or cat, and walk over it when it’s encountered, rather than walking around the pet, or making it get up and move. Scoring is based on the degree of difficulty, such as items being carried, the level of light, the pet’s size and the number of pets. Bonus points are offered if the pet is asleep and they’re straddled without being disturbed.
In use: “He had a shopping bag in each arm and a large sleeping cat in the middle of the hall rug, a perfect straddle-floof set-up — and he was wearing shoes. He imagined an announcer speaking in hushed golfing tones saying, “He’s going for it.””
Michael Seidel, writer 