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Floofmato (floofinition) – a painting technique for mimicking an area beyond what the human eye is focusing on to what housepets such as cats, dogs, and birds see.
In use: “Her ability to blur the lines between human and animal perceptions, as her floofmato technique demonstrated, brought many to think of her part animal herself.”
Flooflong (floofinition) – a unit of distance equal to a housepet in repose; a yearning for a housepet or to be with a housepet; a housepet’s desire for something such as food or a location, such as someone’s lap; a wish to be a pet or like a housepet.
In use: “On hot days, the walk across the living room was four flooflongs as the cats all spread out on the cool hardwood floor.”
Floofstrophedon (floofinition) – housepets sleeping in alternate lines while facing in opposite directions.
In use: “Arriving home after leaving work early, he discovered his cats and dogs sleeping in a floofstrophedon on the master bed, and wondered if this was what they did when he was at work.”
Floofonality (floofinition) – a housepet’s combination of mannerisms and or qualities that establish their distinctive character.
In use: “Charlie was one cat, but with silver-stripped tiger tabby’s floofonality made his people swear he was more than one gato. He certaintly ate like more than one cat.”
Bifloofisan (floofinition) – an effort or decision involving the agreement or cooperation of at least two housepets that usually oppose one another’s agendas.
In use: “Mounting a bifloofisan effort, the cats stopped their fighting to harass Peter until he finally got out of bed and fed them, even though it was three in the morning.”
Flooftivus (floofinition) – annual secular holiday that housepets established to celebrate living with people. The holiday, observed over a nine-day period, is structured to include auspicious routines. These include days dedicated to vomiting, washing and grooming, napping, gorging, dashing around the dwelling, shedding hair, hiding, shredding objects, and being needy. The holiday culminates with a visit by Santa Paws, and the giving of gifts.
In use: “Although he loved his pets, he dreaded Floofivus. The Day of Vomiting was not fun, but The Giving of Gifts struck him as worse.”
Floofowing (floofinition) – methodology used by housepets to follow or shadow people or other housepets, often to spy on them.
In use: “Movement from one area of the house to another always set up a floofowing. Sometimes the cats and dogs worked in teams, but it often seemed like one had the duty for a given period, and then was relieved by another.”
Floofatorium (floofintition) – a house or public building’s part where the housepets congregate.
In use: “With its cozy queen bed, three chairs, and a sliding door and windows that let in light, the guest room soon became the floofatorium during the day.”
Floofdoctrinate (floofinition) – to teach pet fundamentals or rudiments; to imbue with a partisan point of view or principle that favor housepets.
In use: “People argue that cats are better than dogs in floofdoctrinating humans about what is wanted and accepted.”
Floofucate (floofintion) – give intellectual, moral, and social instruction about having housepets or being a housepet.
In use: “He’d never had a cat before, but the kitten soon floofucated him about cat rules.”
Michael Seidel, writer 