Tag: cats

Floofergize

Floofergize (catfinition) – products and activities designed to stimulate cats. Catologists note that the most simple floofergizers remain simple motion activities for many cats, such as a string, or a small object being flung across the room. Sounds such as treat bags (or bags that sound like treat  bags) or a can opening are excellent floofergizers.

In use: “Michael discovered that the best way to find the cats was to shake the kibble box. The sound was a great floofergizer to rouse cats from their hidey holes and bring them into sight.”

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Floofbulous

Floofbulous (catfinition) – of, relating to, or resembling a floof.

In use: “A toy black mouse on the floor and a squad of food dishes haled floofbulous nostalgia for her mother’s home, where a squadron of cats had always reigned.”

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Cat Commercial

I have to say, I’m a little irritated with a lot of the cat videos on the web. Many of them remind me of those commercials that imply, “If you eat this food, wear these clothes, or drink this beverage, you’ll be young, beautiful, and carefree, and have a wonderful, fun life.”

Doesn’t happen in my life, no matter what I eat, drink, or wear.

The cat videos often show a cat taken in as a stray or a kitten, and how the other cats and household pets adopt the new one, and they all start hanging out together, having fun, snuggling and napping together.

Yeah. Doesn’t happen in my house.

I feel like a U.N. Peace-Keeping Force in my house. I’m constantly manning observation points, watching their movements, and issuing warnings. “You. Tucker. Yes, you. I see you. No, it’s too late for you to try to get small or become invisible.”

Because that’s what cats believe. Cats believe, “If I don’t move, he won’t know I’m here.” Or, “If I get small and move real slow, he won’t be able to see what I’m doing.” These cats don’t think I’m very bright.

But like a life-guard at the pool, I persist. “You’re in the no-floof zone. Get back, please. Get back. Get back now. This is your last warning.”

You ever notice how they seem to realize you’re talking to them. But they’ll stall, putting on an act to buy time so they can come up with an excuse for what they’re doing.

“No, no, you misunderstood,” they finally say with their whiskers and other non-verbal communications. “I wasn’t sneaking up on that other cat with the intention of biting their ear off. I was just coming her to sit down in this spot to wash my face.”

Then that’s what they do. They sit down and wash their face, saying, “That’s all. There wasn’t enough light back there, where I had been napping. I wasn’t going to stalk and attack that other cat. I’m completely innocent.

“Trust me.”

Then they give me a look, to assess, is he buying this. Which is essentially a cat con commercial. So what the cats are really asking themselves as they watch me is, “Is this commercial working?”

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Preterfloofural

Preterfloofural (catfinition) – a cat that exists outside of classic physics; a quantum cat.

In use: “Preterfloofural come and go as they please, there and gone without regard to the conventions and restrictions of nature, testing their existence, and others’ beliefs.”

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Retrofloof

Retrofloof (catfinition) – a time-traveling cat who insists on living in the past.

In use:

Lady, the little gray tabby with a tawny belly, was a retrofloof, disappearing as suddenly as she’d arrived, with as little explanation to it.

He didn’t worry; another retrofloof would soon show up. Other people thought retrofloofs were strays, but he knew that cats liked time-traveling, and preferred (from his experience and perspective, at least) to go into the past to relive their past lives.

How did he know the cats traveled into the past? They’d informed him that it was what they did. Not all who disappeared were retrofloofs, of course; some were alterfloofs, choosing to live in alternative dimensions. But Lady, she had told him, was a retrofloof.

 

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The Sniff Test

Have you ever been about to eat something when your cat comes up to smell it, so you let them sniff it, and they draw back with a dismayed look, and then seem to look disappointed that you’re still going to eat this food that smells bad to them?

No? Is it just me, then?

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Floofing

Floofing (catfinition) – slang for when a cat curls up against the curve of a human body to sleep.

In use: “The big Maine Coon loved floofing with her, and she enjoyed it, too, running her hand over his furry belly as the thrum of his purr vibrated against her torso.”

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Floofinjay

Floofinjay (catfinition) – a haughty, strutting cat.

In use: “While his rescued siblings retired to their mother’s side, the little tuxedo floofinjay went about the as though he was the new emperor.”

 

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