Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floof Mitzvah (floofinition) – Animal celebration for coming of age, borrowed from Jewish tradition. Most cats typically celebrate at least nine floof mitzvahs, while dogs and other animals usually only do one.
In use: “Mama cat decided it was time for a floof mitzvah for her five little ones, and began vigorously grooming them for the event.”
Floof-positive (floofinition) – Something an animal does which definitely shows that something else is true or correct.
In use: “She’d begun by echoing her father, that her cat was just a dumb animal, but each day, opening doors and blinds, or by reacting to her words, showed floof-positive that he was far from dumb, and could be smarter than her.”
It was three in the morning, and it was raining, and I was addressing something to do with cats. In that situation, everyone will naturally recall the words to “3AM” by Matchbox Twenty (1997).
I was telling the cat (being an irritant by blocking the pet door) (and looking smug about it) that he was a major irritation, and then told another cat, “It’s three AM and it’s raining, and it’s cold. Are you sure that you want to go out there?” Yes, yes, he had an urgent matter. I let him out, went to bed, tried to recover my dreams, but instead looped “3AM” in my head.
She said, “It’s cold outside” and she hands me a raincoat
She’s always worried about things like that
She said, “It’s all gonna end and it might as well be my fault”
[Refrain]
And she only sleeps when it`s raining
And she screams, and her voice is straining
[Chorus]
And she says, “Baby, it’s three AM, I must be lonely”
And she says, “Baby, well, I can’t help
But be scared of it all sometimes
And the rain’s gonna wash away, I believe this”
[Verse 2]
She’s got a little bit of something, God, it’s better than nothing
And in her color portrait world she believes that she’s got it all
She swears that the moon don’t hang quite as high as it used to
[Refrain]
And she only sleeps when it’s raining
And she screams and her voice is straining
[Chorus]
And she says, “Baby, when it’s three AM I must be lonely”
Well, heaven she says, “Baby, well, I can’t help
But be scared of it all sometimes
And the rain’s gonna wash away, I believe this”
P.S. The cat was back in a few minutes, trying to get in, but some smug boogerfloof was blocking the door.
Buffloofery (floofinition) – Animal behavior that’s ridiculous but amusing.
In use: “The Internet has become the Floofernet as videos of bufloofery are posted and shared millions of time per day.”
Flooftronym (floofinition) – A new term adopted to distinguish between different an old and new animal.
In use: “When they had only one cat, they just asked, “Where’s the cat?” With a new cat, they required a flooftronym, referencing the new cat as the new guy, the big guy, or the big cat, while their original cat was referred to as the queen, her floofship, or the little one.”
Black Floofbath (floofinition) – Heavy metal floof group whose lyrics center on occult themes and demonic possession.
In use: “With vocalist Ozzie Owlbourne as front man, Black Floofbath gained success with songs such as “War Man” and “Paranoid Cat” before disbanding due to personal conflicts.”
The Guess Floof (floofinition) – Canadian floof band active from 1964 to 1974.
In use: “One of The Guess Floof’s biggest hits was “American Puppy”, a song which many thought cast aspersions on American dogs, but which the songwriter explained was really about the fact that he found American dogs irresistible (which gave rise to another controversy about whether American dogs were different from dogs from other countries).”
We have three cats. We seem to always have at least three, as they show up seeking shelter and food, and we oblige. We look for the owners but the cats seemed to have been cast aside. Sad, but not surprising, because we live not far from an apartment complex, and we think cats are left behind there. We also take care of the neighbor’s cat, Pepper. This isn’t because our neighbor doesn’t take care of her, but because Pepper enjoys visiting us for food and comfort.
One of our cats, Boo, suffers from PTSD. We don’t know what happened to this big Grizzly of a beast (twenty-four pounds) but he’s afraid and stressed by everything from noises to movements to smells. Other cats bother him, too, especially males.
Pepper, the oldest of the group (fourteen plus years) is a female; my cats, Tucker (a big black and white dude) and Papi (aka Meep), are males who are too damn territorial and adversarial. 
We’ve gotten them all under control (we’ve only had one fight this year, when Boo went to jump onto the bed where Tucker was sleeping, and Tucker, arising from slumber and startled, attacked), more or less, but we can’t give Boo the treatment and care he needs due to his PTSD. His beautiful black fur has become matted on the back, and he won’t permit grooming, reacting by hissing, swatting and nipping at hands and brushes. He’s come to tolerate us stroking him, but he can turn in a snap.
He needs to be groomed.
Enter the CBD.
Friends have used CBD with their animals, found success, and recommended that we try it. A local floof shop sells several options. Selecting a product that’s made to relax cats, I purchased a small bottle of CBD oils ($40). Knowing that Boo is leery of new smells and tastes, I resigned myself to a long introduction process to get him familiar with the smell and taste. Just two drops in whatever wet food we’re serving.
That’s where Pepper comes back into this. Boo will take a few nibbles and run away. Pepper wolves down whatever is left. Stiff and arthritic, the poor little callie often seems in pain to us. I groom her a few times a week; she relaxes most, then, but still seems stiff with pain. That is, until she had the CBD yesterday.
After eating, she curled up on a rug and deeply slept. I’d not witnessed Pepper sleeping like this for over six months, and I was so happy to see that take place. Seeing the effect on her gave me hope for Boo. When she showed up this morning for breakfast, I specifically tried a larger dose on her, and she chowed that food down, and again, relaxed. My wife said that the CBD is worth it, even we only help Pepper cope with her pain and issues; I agree.
I’ve been giving the CBD for four days. Boo has taken in some. It does seem to have a calming and relaxing effect on him, too, but he’s a big cat and needs a larger dose. (Yes, patience, patience.) Little Papi and Tucker have also each had some. Papi, already a mellow fellow and the gang’s junior member, didn’t seem much different. Tucker, an older boy who enjoys sleep, slept more.
The experiment continues. I’ll let you know what happens.
Floofcine (floofinition) – Any shot meant for an animal to innoculate them against disease or infection.
In use: “It was time for annual floofcines, which meant heading to the vet, which meant tricking the dog, because the big German Shepherd was a smart animal. Watching out the window, he soon realized where they were going and began crying.”
Floofdonna (floofinition) – Floof pop icon known for her elaborate stage routines and music videos.
In use: “Floofdonna’s second single, “Material Floof” reached number two on the Hot 100 and was promoted by a music video recreating the performance of a human pop star, Madonna in a video for her song, “Material Girl”, which, in turn, was based on a movie scene.”
Michael Seidel, writer 