Thursday’s Theme Music

Cat number two was the first encountered. He began the dance.

Number two is number one in his eyes. We don’t know what he calls himself. We call him Boo. Sometimes he answers to that.

Seeing me slack-jawed with fading dreams moving zombie-esque from bedroom through hall, Boo said, “Mrr.” Mrr, I think, means, “About time,” “Feed me,” “Good morning,” or “Hello.”

He was in a sitting position. Standing, he began singing, “You can go this way, you can go that way.” Thinking he knew which way, he shifted his body that direction to inhibit my passage and bend my will to his.

Feigning left, I slipped right. One cat passed. Not liking it, Boo sang out.

Cat number two, referred to as Tucker (but as adept at ignoring his name as Boo) was sitting just beyond Boo. Responding to Boo’s talking, Tucker said, “I got him.” Standing, he said, “You can go this way, you can go that way,” and moved to cut me off.

A deftly executed double feint was executed by me, an impressive move by a sleep-lusting, coffee-hungering moving catatonic human, though not easily. Tucker is a wily veteran and countered each movement, singing on as he did, “You can go this way, you can go that way, you can go this way, you can go that way.”

This is why Fatboy Slim’s 2001 song, “Weapon of Choice”, is today’s theme music. Naturally, I’ve spooled up the Christopher Walken dance version. It’s a little fun, a repeat, but worthwhile.

Here’s the music. Wear your masks, please.

Floofphile

Floofphile (floofinition) – Person who is enthusiastic about animals.

In use: “The Internet may not have given birth to floofphiles, but videos of kittens, puppies, baby hippos, birds, lambs, goats, and so on, certainly encouraged a growth

Floofcall

Floofcall (floofinition) – 1. The sound people make to call animals or their pets.

In use: “Studies show that clicking their tongue or making a kissing noise are the most common floofcalls used in America.”

2. A video conference call dominated by animals.

In use: “I apologized for my cat taking over my screen during a Zoom, but then sixty percent of the people said their cats were also with them. In a moment, all the screens were cats, making it a perfect floofcall.”

3. A telephone call to check on an animal’s health.

In use: “After she put Chef Eddie in for surgery, she waited all day for the floofcall that came, telling her that her dog was okay.”

4. The sound an animal makes to attract attention from people or other animals.

In use: “Most people know the floofcalls that their animals make and what they mean: a special bark, meow, whine, or chirp informing their people, feed me, pet me, play with me, or take me for a walk.”

Floofhole Surfers

Floofhole Surfers (floofinition) – American floof rock (flock) band formed in Floof Antonio, Flooxas, in 1981. Incorporating hardcore punk and psychedelic elements, they failed to achieve major success until the mid nineties. Their best known song is “Floofper”, which charted well in 1996.

Floofump

Floofump (floofinition) – 1. A person who appears or is slovenly because they’ve been attending animals or indulging in an animal’s behavior to the detriment of their own appearance.

In use: “Catching sight of herself in the mirror, she realized she’d become a floofump, neglecting to dress (and clean the house — or brush her teeth and hair) because her newest cat was asleep on her lap.”

2. A noise someone emits when an animal unexpectedly jumps on them.

In use: “He was in the recliner, watching a ballgame, about to open a beer, when Harvey jumped up onto his belly, causing him to grunt, “Floofump,” in response.”

3. Slang or casual reference to an animal umpire.

In use: “The dogs and cats gave her no problems; it was the dog and the bird who forced her into the hated role of floofump, ruling their behavior out of bounds and sending one or the other into the penalty box.”

3 Floofs Down

3 Floofs Down (floofinition) – Floofmerican grunge floof rock (flock) band formed in Mississippi in 1996. They released five studio albums, with the first five charting well, including two albums which debuted at number one.

In use: “3 Floofs Down’s 2003 song, “Floof Without You”, reached number one in the United States, number two in Poland and Australia, and charted well in several other countries.

Counting Floofs

Counting Floofs (floofintion) – Formed in 1991 in Floofley, Califloofia, Counting Floofs is an American floof rock (flock) band which has found success in the mainstream and alt music charts.

In use: “The Counting Floofs’ first song to find chart success, “Mr. Floof”, is also their highest charting song to date, achieving number one status in Floofnada and number five in the United Floofs of America.”

Friday Fragments

  1. People tell me how skinny I’ve become. Interesting, because I weigh just seven pounds less than two years ago. What I’ve pieced together, based on history and what doctors told me, is that my prostrate gland had become severely enlarged. It blocked my bladder, eventually causing a medical emergency because I couldn’t void myself. My little old one- hundred ml bladder had eleven hundred ml of piss in it, according to the staff when I arrived that morning in the ER. According to my doc when he recounted it later, I was grossly distended. So, no, it wasn’t weight; I was full of piss. Once that was all relieved, and my prostate has shrunk some, my organs are no longer displaced, and no longer have an abdomen that sticks out like a car bumper.
  2. You can read about my 2019 troubles in Peckerville here.
  3. My prostate/bladder experience reaffirmed the need to not look at everyone through the same lenses. They may look overweight, but it could be something else completely.
  4. I’m also looking at my food differently. I used to consider sugars, fat, and content whenever I made a food selection. We’ve moved sharply toward organic and natural food in the past fifteen years. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure (hypertension) last year. I’m on meds for it. I now check sodium content in food and keep it down. I’m staggered by how much sodium is used in modern processed food. It’s eye opening, and not in a good way. The Trader Joe’s foods that I used to enjoy are completely unacceptable.
  5. Speaking of looking at things differently, the neighbor’s cat was almost done in by a car the other day, right before my eyes. Mimi, a gorgeous little grey and white kitty, was sitting on the curb across the street. A pedestrian was chatting with her. He later said, though, another cat was distracting Mimi. A car came rushing up the street. Mimi decided then to cross.
  6. Cats don’t view the world as we do. They have a harder time discerning a car forty feet away, traveling at a speed of thirty miles per hour, coming at them.
  7. The car brakes to a halt with a sharp screech of tires. Mimi appears safe. She streaks home. All are concerned. I knock on the neighbor’s door and tell her what happened and where Mimi went. I haven’t seen Mimi or neighbor since. It worries me, but I think if something bad happened, my neighbor would come and tell me. That’s how she is.
  8. We were out shopping Tuesday. Had to renew the car registration in Medford, so we thought we’d shop and gas up the car at the same time. All went well but I realized, I don’t really miss people during this pandemic/stay-at-home era. I miss my routines. Yes, I miss having beers with friends or going dancing, and traveling, but it’s not about missing the people as much as doing things other than what I’m doing. I’ve always known I’m not a social person. I don’t know how much of this to assign to what, personality wise. In other words, how much is due to my genetic makeup, and how much of it is a socialization thingy?
  9. We’re seriously processing moving out of state, probably heading east. Well, come on, we live in Oregon; we can’t go south to California. Going north to Washington has been addressed, but it doesn’t seem feasible.
  10. Looking at house photos online to fill in an idea of what housing would be like, I’m fascinated by the difference in home décor between the Pacific northwest, and Ohio/Pennsylvania, where we’re looking. We’ve always been aware of the differences in clothing fashion between different parts of the country. There are also usually differences attributable to age and economic straits. And, visiting family, yes, I’ve also noticed it when I visit their homes. So much viewing, I suppose, has driven the disparity more deeply into me.
  11. The other thing is about how housing styles have changed through the decades. Back in the forties, fifties, and sixties, (I don’t know about other decades, because I don’t see houses from other times), homes seemed to mostly form follow function. Small box houses. Little character is evidenced outside. The yards are large, the rooms are small, especially bathrooms.
  12. Later, though, the houses grow more and more about exterior style. While the boxes were efficient but less attractive, the newer houses become more inefficient in their interiors, with lots of wasted space or strange spaces. Yards are smaller, though all of the yards on the listings I check are larger than the yards out here. I have several friends who are retired or practicing architects. I’d love to talk to them about evolving house designs. One was on the forefront of tiny houses and sustainable living, so I really want to get her take.
  13. We have three firm rules for our new place, wherever we settle. One, no mortgages. Paying in cash limits our choices (we don’t want to sink all of our cash into a house, right?), but we don’t want a mortgage. Two, no HOAs. They’ve burned us twice; never again. I think they’re one of the more ridiculous modern contrivances. Three, we need a little space. We just don’t like living on top of other people. When we first move back, we will be renting, of course. We’ve done this before. Although we haven’t moved in fourteen years, I was in the military for twenty years, as was my father before me. I’ve moved a lot during my lifetime.
  14. I’m pretty convinced we need to move. Not looking forward to it, but… But years of smoky summers and droughts, water restrictions, and wildfires have worn us down. Sad, because Ashland, Oregon, and the region are beautiful and wonderful in multiple ways. The negatives, though, have just added up. Given the trends of the previous ten years and the forecasts and models, we only see it getting worse.

Have a good day. Wear your masks, please. Be safe. Cheers

Floofbolic

Floofbolic (floofinition) – Disorganization or chaos caused chiefly by animals, especially houspets. Related: Shambolic

In use: “Between floofs arising and demanding food when the sky is blacker than ink, and skunks, squirrels, and mice attempting to make his house their home, Ron felt like his life was a floofbolic existence.”

Flooford & Sons

Flooford & Sons (floofinition) – Blooflish folk floof rock (flock) band formed in Floofdon in 2007.

In use: “One of Flooford & Sons’ early hits is “Little Lion Floof” (2009), which charted well in several countries, and on multiple charts.”

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