Clawthered (catfinition) – caught by a cat hanging on with its claws.
In use: “He needed to get up and leave, but a small tabby was clawthered to his jacket, and he couldn’t get released.”
Flooftable
Flooftable (catfinition) – the schedule by which cats complete their activities. Flooftable is often misconstrued as being the same as the Periodic Table of Floofs; the two expressions are not interchangeable.
In use: Abiding by the flooftable, the cat arose at 3:30 A.M. and nuzzled the sleeping people. They swatted him away and covered their heads. At 3:40, he batted the mouse across the floor and chased it, and then jumped up on the dresser and knocked everything off that he could. At 3:50, he demanded to be let out of the house. 4:15 found him demanding to be let into the house. At 4:30, he insisted that he needed to leave the house again. The angry people obliged him, with threats, which saddened him.
Sitting down, he washed his face to console himself. He didn’t want to do these things (he’d rather be sleeping, of which he was very fond), but it was the flooftable, and the flooftable needed to be observed and respected, or catnarchy would reign.
So said the Great Floof, who crafted a specific flooftable for every cat in the world. He wished people could understand that.
An idea was born.
Butt and Tail
Butt and Tail (catfinition) – a medieval cat expression for all the way.
In use: “As the kittens dawdled, the mother meowed back at them, “Let’s go, butt and tail, butt and tail. Get in the box.”
Floofomachy
Floofomachy (catfinition) – a disagreement or dispute about or over cats.
In use: “The kittens at the adoption fair were the epicenter of floofomachy as children and families all wanted to take them home.”
Floofoolery
Floofoolery (catfinition) – foolish cat behavior; playing silly games with a cat. Tomfloofoolery is used to designate foolish male cat behavior, or playing silly games with a tom cat.
In use: “From the sounds at midnight, it seemed like there was a lot of floofoolery going on in the other room.”
Afterfloof
Afterfloof (catfinition) – the fur and detritus that remains after a cat leaves a space.
In use: “Afterfloof of fur, a piece of bark mulch, and a leaf on the sofa marked where Tucker had slumbered before the garbage truck outside had sent him hunting for sanctuary.”
Floofergize
Floofergize (catfinition) – products and activities designed to stimulate cats. Catologists note that the most simple floofergizers remain simple motion activities for many cats, such as a string, or a small object being flung across the room. Sounds such as treat bags (or bags that sound like treat bags) or a can opening are excellent floofergizers.
In use: “Michael discovered that the best way to find the cats was to shake the kibble box. The sound was a great floofergizer to rouse cats from their hidey holes and bring them into sight.”
Floofbulous
Floofbulous (catfinition) – of, relating to, or resembling a floof.
In use: “A toy black mouse on the floor and a squad of food dishes haled floofbulous nostalgia for her mother’s home, where a squadron of cats had always reigned.”
Preterfloofural
Preterfloofural (catfinition) – a cat that exists outside of classic physics; a quantum cat.
In use: “Preterfloofural come and go as they please, there and gone without regard to the conventions and restrictions of nature, testing their existence, and others’ beliefs.”
Floofling
Floofling (catfinition) – a small cat.
In use: Underneath four pounds of long, silky fur, he was five pounds of floofling.
Michael Seidel, writer 