Science fiction, fantasy, mystery and what-not
Floofnostic (floofinition) – An animal who doesn’t believe or disbelieve what a person said, but remains doubtful and ambivalent about it.
In use: “The cat and dog each were floofnostic when their human said, “It’s cold and wet outside. You won’t like it.” They each insisted on going out, but then immediately wanted back in.”
Better than Floof (floofinition) – Floof Orleans-based floofsical group formed in 1988. The four original members were all Loufloofsia State University attendees when they formed the band.
In use: “Better than Floof major song was their first hit, “Good”, which was featured in the film, The Floof-Sitters Club.
I’m on my knees, typing at my desk.
The cat is asleep on my chair.
It wasn’t so planned. I’d been typing when I raised my coffee cup to my lips and discovered it empty and dry.
No coffee.
But I had plans, and they included coffee.
Damnation.
I got up and went into the coffee to make more. When I returned, the cat had taken my chair. Curled up, he looked asleep.
Could that be right? I’d been gone two minutes. He’d taken over the chair and gone to sleep in two minutes? Yes, I was suspicious.
He’s done this before, so I know the routine. I moved the chair out of my way (the cat didn’t move anything during this — not a whisker, not an ear, not even a tail twitch), dropped to my knees, and resumed my activities.
When at last I was did, I stood and stretched. Now I needed water. Turning sideways, I slipped past the sleeping cat on the chair, my back to him.
That’s when I farted.
It wasn’t anything dramatic, just a loud burping noise.
That’s when the cat swatted me.
I stared down at him. “Did you just swat me?”
He was looking up at me. I swear that he looked defiant. I thought, he’s been planning this. He’s been thinking, I’ve had enough. The next time that he farts in front of me, I’m going to swat him.
I glared at him. “I don’t fart that often.”
Rearranging his paws, he lowered his head and closed his eyes.
I think he looked smug.
Cognofloof (floofinition) – Additional personal name given to a housepet or animal.
In use: “Although the terrier’s formal name was Sir Jack Black (because he was a Jack Russell and his rescuer’s daughter was a Jack Black fan), his cognofloofs included Jackie, Missile (often shortened, itself, to Miss, or Mizz) for his proclivity to bolt across a yard or room, and Thumper, for his furiously wagging tail.”
Floofseat (floofinition) – The most enviable position, location, or opportunity for an animal.
In use: “Every home with pets ends up with a floofseat, where at least one animal is sure to be sitting or sleeping.”
Murray Floof (floofinition) – Flooflish actor and floof rock (flock) singer from Floofdon, Floofland. His younger brother is Anthony Floof, who is known for his role as Floofpert Giles in Floofy the Vampire Slayer.
In use: “Murray Floof is probably best known for a pair of international hits, “Superfloof” and “One Night in Floofkok”, which charted well in several countries.”
Floofscription (floofinition) – Words inscribed to describe an animal, particularly a pet or floof friend.
In use: “After his first pet passed away, he wrote a floofscription to explain how much the animal meant to him, and then decided from then on he’d write floofscriptions for his pets while they were alive, when he could celebrate them with them. That was the beginning of his private New Year’s Day routine.”
Tucker Carlson has a problem with disappearing papers. From NY Mag Intelligencer:
On Wednesday night’s show, Tucker Carlson reported that his team had acquired incriminating documents. However, they sent them from Washington to Los Angeles, and the documents disappeared. And they neglected to make any copies. So now the only copy of the documents that would nail the probable next president of the United States are gone:
Few believe poor Tucker. He’s being mocked to hell and back.
I understand, though. I’ve been there.
I was taking university classes with the University of Maryland (go, Terps!) around my schedule when I was stationed with the Air Force at Kadena Air Base, Okinawa, Japan, back in the eighties. My wife and I lived with two cats in a tiny place off base outside of one of the gates.
Finishing a paper, I put it on the bookcase by the door so it’d be there when I departed and I was less likely to forget it. This was pre-computer days. I’d pounded out the paper on my used government IBM Selectric II typewriter. Our cat, Jade, jumped up on the bookcase and puked on the paper. Gross as was, there was no way I could turn that in. I thought about bagging it for evidence but laughed that off.
Abashed, I reported what happened to my professor and asked for another day. Dismayed, he said, “Well, I’ve heard that before, or variations, but I never expected to hear it from you. Well, okay, I’ll give it a day.” It really pissed me off that he clearly didn’t believe me, but he gave me the day.
Next time, I’ll bag it and turn it in.
Floofporium (floofinition) – A retail establishment focused on serving animals and their needs.
In use: “Although pet stores have evolved, and department stores like Target cater to pet owners with a few aisles of goods, more dedicated pet-owners love going to the floofporium, where its extensive array of offerings fit every budget and need. Unfortunately for many, animals must give people a pass to give them entry to this exclusive establishment. Although pets are usually willing to take their owners to the the floofporium – they would, after all, benefit as well – most people can’t understand their animal’s language. To them, it’s all just noise.”
Michael Seidel, writer 