Sean Connery, Me, and A Cat In A Dream

We were ordered into a car. My companion, a male, was up front in the passenger seat. Top down, the convertible car began speeding along.

I said, “Is it my imagination, or do I detect from the motion that this car is going backwards?”

No answer came. As I processed that null response, I said, “Is this a Rolls Royce?”

The driver was looking back over his shoulder. He was in the right hand front seat. Looking back as he did verified for me that we were going backwards — I couldn’t see over the sides of the car to be sure.

The driver was Sean Connery. As that registered, I debated, Sean Connery or James Bond?

I gathered that we were going backward around a cloverleaf exchange and then accelerated straight onto a highway. At that point, Connery executed a handbrake turn, reversing us 180. We now traveled in the correct position.

After a time, the car was pulled over. Telling us, “See you later,” Connery hopped out and waved good-bye.

My companion — a short, elderly white male — and I were relieved to be free of Connery and have position of our Rolls again, because we needed to turn the car in. Problem was, that wasn’t the car that was expected, and the company would be upset. We traveled back to the turn-in location where a tall, white man in a suit greeted us. After hearing our problem, he said, smiling, “No problem. I can make this go away.”

Some paperwork was processed. As that went on, I checked some physical records. These tracked my health and activities. I was shocked to discover they were marked SECRET in the standard stamp at the top. It flummoxed me to think that those innocuous records were marked secret. I then also discovered my CIA identification, a rueful reminder of the secret world I inhabited.

The tale man returned. “Slide your company card through this card reader.” I smirked at the expression, company card, but did as told. “Your bill is twenty-four dollars,” I was told. As I reacted, he added, “It’s been paid.”

My original companion and I went off in another car. Exiting the building, a young black male stopped us. “You’ll need this to get back in.” He handed us a laminated blue card with black grease pencil writing on it. As he walked off, I called out, “No, we don’t need that, we already have one.” I held our original up, showing it to him, and then flipped the other to him. It sailed like a flying disc.

He caught it without effort. “That was impressive,” I said.

He shrugged. “I do that all the time.”

“How many times a day?”

“At least three.”

That impressed me. My companion and I drove off.

Dream shift. I was on vacation, walking toward a river. Bending down as I reached the roaring, turbulent river, I rubbed a cat’s belly. Wondering who this friendly feline was, I investigated and discovered it was my own ginger mini-puma. As I talked to him, he rolled around and then stood and stretched.

I was worried. We were over a mile from home. “What are you doing here, so far from home?” I asked the cat. In response, he trotted ahead of me, as though he and I were journeying together.

The cat splashed through some water. I crossed onto a natural rock bridge. Standing over the raging white water, I saw something scything through the water ahead. I couldn’t say what it was. Then a bird attacked me. I swatted it away. Another bird then attacked. This bird latched onto my leg. As its claws dug in, I beat it until it released me. Realizing that two birds attacking me was unusual and guessed, they’re probably protecting nests in the rocks around me. With that conclusion, I hurried on.

Dream end.

Bird On A Wire

Bird on a wire

outside my office glass

peering at me sideways

sitting on my ass

wondering what I’m doing

making up little songs

telling little tales

about what I do at home

bird on a wire

you know he can’t be trusted

bird on a wire

I know who you are

and now you know you’re busted

Floofcall

Floofcall (floofinition) – 1. The sound people make to call animals or their pets.

In use: “Studies show that clicking their tongue or making a kissing noise are the most common floofcalls used in America.”

2. A video conference call dominated by animals.

In use: “I apologized for my cat taking over my screen during a Zoom, but then sixty percent of the people said their cats were also with them. In a moment, all the screens were cats, making it a perfect floofcall.”

3. A telephone call to check on an animal’s health.

In use: “After she put Chef Eddie in for surgery, she waited all day for the floofcall that came, telling her that her dog was okay.”

4. The sound an animal makes to attract attention from people or other animals.

In use: “Most people know the floofcalls that their animals make and what they mean: a special bark, meow, whine, or chirp informing their people, feed me, pet me, play with me, or take me for a walk.”

Floofcom

Floofcom (floofinition) – 1. A humorous situation involving an animal.

In use: “Living with a macaw was like being in a floofcom as the smart and curious bird loves exploring and being involved in the family’s activities.”

2. A quantum floofchanics communication systems animals employ to soundlessly exchange messages.”

In use: When one of his cats disappeared, Michael told his house floofs, “Please use your floofcom and tell Papi to come home right away because I’m worried about him.” Fifteen minutes later, the cat was back.”

Victory Is Coming

The birds were plentiful and noisy. Several noticed, “Hey, where are the humans?”

It seemed true, the birds agreed. They didn’t see as many humans as usual. Odd, up here in the northern latitudes, where winter was rolling over into spring. That’s when the humans usually became more active.

Word went from bird to bird, flock to flock, pecking for confirmation: were less humans out? Fewer cars, trucks, and motorcycles? Were all noticing this or was it a local anomaly?

“Yes.” Verification flew through the flocks. Except for a few pockets, less humans were present outdoors. The birds were winning the war. 

Orders were issued. “Increase your efforts. Be vigilant. Keep shitting on them, shit on every human you see. Our strategy s working. Victory is coming.”

Wednesday’s Theme Music

I was ’bout to go outside (and let a cat out) (it’s Boo’s morning habit to go out, do his business in a corner of the yard (the far left side behind the bushes, thank you), and then groom in sunshine) (unless it’s raining or snowing, of course) to gauge the weather (it looks pleasant and warm) when I stopped. Hand on door handle, I watched through the glass at a profusion of birds. The many birds me from opening the door and disrupting the little sparrows’ and jays entertainment.

Boo really wanted out, chittering and chattering at the birds (they were a joyfully noisy congregation). I wondered what’d brought them here.

The juxtaposition of birds and weather reminded me of an instrumental song, “Birdland” by Weather Underground (1977). I used to listen to this in the Philippines while burning candles, reading books, and sipping wine, a pleasure combo.

After the birds abruptly departed, I let the house panther (and jigsaw puzzle expert) out to do his thang, and then came in and re-acquainted myself with “Birdland”. That song always prompts a grin. Hope you hear it and grin, too.

Or at least, smile.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae0nwSv6cTU

Comfloofications

Comfloofications (floofinitions) – Ability among animals to pass messages to one another through one or more channels, such as smell, sound, or touch. Note: When done by cats via whiskers, sniffing, and rubbing, comfloofications is often referred to as catmunications. 

In use: “People approaching the bush upset the bird guarding her nest. Her comfloofications about an approaching threat caused a digesting deer to stand up and pay close attention.”

Ambiflooftrous

Ambiflooftrous (floofinition) People (or animals) able to enjoy the love and company of more than one species of animal.

In use: “Men frequently declared themselves to be dog people, but Tom was ambiflooftrous, sharing his life, love, and company with cats, dogs, birds, rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, tropical fish, a goat, and a turtle.”

Pawtillism

Pawtillism (floofinition) – Animal artwork in which small dots or strokes of paws, feet, beaks, noses, ears, and other body parts are blended together to create a scene. The movement was originally done only by paws, with other body parts being incorporated later.

In use: “The first dog to use pawtillism is lost to history, but when art historians investigated the cave, they could do nothing but marvel. Preliminary testing revealed the paints was over eleven hundred years old. Then they realized that the powerful, primitive scene, of people by a fire, also had strokes that could only have been done by a bird’s beak, fueling their amazement to greater heights.”

Flooflish

Flooflish (floofinition) – Official written and spoken common language of housepets.

In use: “When in private, that is, when Humans weren’t around, the dog, bird, and cat conferred in flooflish to decide what to do about the overheard plan for the Humans to sell their house and move to the city. Floofcon 1 was immediately declared.”

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