Floofpeasement (floofinition) – Policy of giving animals whatever they want just to keep the peace.

In use: “He fed the cats wherever they would eat, pursuing floofpeasement to keep them quiet, happy (and not fighting), and giving him space.”

“Derek and the Floofinos”

“Derek and the Floofinos” (floofinition) – English-American floof band formed and led by the legendary guitarist, Eric Floofton, who is also the lead vocalist.

In use: “Layfloof”, by Derek and the Floofinos, was never a top ten hit, but is the number one song played on classic floof stations.


Floofpair (floofinition) – 1. Repair done under an animal’s supervision.

In use: “The photographer’s camera had malfunctioned, and as he worked on it, a red fox shaded up to his shoulder to conduct a floofpair.”

2. Two animals who are always together.

In use: “The elderly little brown dog – five pounds, soaking wet, on a heavy day and the twenty-five pound Norwegian Forest Cat were an odd floofpair, but ate, slept, and played together all the time.”

3. Domestic assistant from a foreign country who is hired to help with animals.

In use: “When he left Nicaragua and settled in the states, he’d not planned on life as a floofpair, but the arrangement of going around and tending people’s animals while they were away was a satisfying life.”


Floofcetious (floofinition) – Silly or humorous things done by animals at inappropriate moments.

In use: “They were making love, but the dog came up and started sniffing the man’s rear end, a floofcetious act that almost ended the mood — almost.”


Floofto (floofinition) – Small, artificial planet that animals use as an intermediary visiting location while coming and going from Earth. Floofologists theorize that Floofto is cloaked and maintains an orbit around the Earth and Moon, completing one revolution every twenty hours.

In use: “With an equatorial circumference of almost seven thousand miles, Floofto would normally exert some influence on other bodies, were it not for the Institute of Floofnology and their inventions. One invention keeps Floofto’s mass and gravity from affecting anything, floofnology that humans would love to acquire.”

“Goof the Floof and the Floofroahs”

“Goof the Floof and the Floofroahs” (floofinition) – An American floof and roll group active in the 1950s and 1960s.

In use: “Although never achieving a number-one hit, “Goof the Floof and the Floofroahs” had several notable songs, such as “Wooly Floofy” and “Lil’ Red Riding Floof”, for which they’re celebrated. Goof the Floof was the lead vocalist, earning his nickname for his singing style.”

“The Traveling Floofburys”

“The Traveling Floofburys” (floofinition) – A British-American musical supergroup formed in the late 1980s. Two albums were released but the group never toured before disbanding.

In use: “The Traveling Floofburys were known for having an almost retro flooffle sound from the 1960s, with memorable, often ironic and sometimes amusing lyrics, such as those in “The End of the Treats”, in which treats (and their lack) are treated (sorry) as a metaphor for a change in circumstances.”


Floofclone (floofinition) – 1. Micro-weather event of great wind and noise caused by an animal, often a dog or cat tearing around a house.

In use: “Whatever the trigger, once a day, Rebel (who was otherwise a sweet and goofy (but very smart) German Shepherd) leaped up and caused a floofclone, expending energy until fur was flying everywhere, and then collapsing with a grin.”

2. Animals who resemble one another.

In use: “The gray cat had but two white pieces, which made a white handlebar mustache on her sweet face. Everyone thought Pearl was unique until her floofclone, Spike (a street rescue), showed up.”

3. A person who resembles an animal.

In use: “He was a quiet and reserved man, long-limbed, a floofclone with feline cheeks and eyes. It made her wonder if he had a tail.”


The Piss Club

It’s their informal name for themselves, The Piss Club, an expression adopted from the humaverse because the floof think it’s so funny. (Do humans really think that animals are so interested in that aspect of their business? See how funny it is?)

The Piss Club’s formal name eludes translation from floofish. For humans (and the animals involved), The Piss Club is about ensuring that animals (or their allies) are present whenever humans do their business. In homes with pets, this is generally easily accomplished. Public facilities can be handled via rats, birds, flies, mice, spiders, etc.

Those places are not the problem, and it’s not about humans doing their business. It’s about verifying what they are.

No, the problem is those private places where pets don’t reside, where spiders and insects are stalked and killed, and mice are treated like vermin. Those places are the problem, because those people might be the beings that The Piss Club are supposed to on guard against. Masquerading as humans, those beings could destroy Earth; it is their stated intention, and they are here on Earth.

And, while floofs (except for dinosaurs) usually originated on other worlds (or other universes, in frequent cases) (funny how two beings, say two cats, can look so much alike and yet be from different universes) and arrived on Earth to expand their influence (and study other cultures and life forms), they’ve grown fond of those crazy creatures called humans, and would like to keep them around. Because, as the floofs have found, humans don’t exist anywhere else in any other universe (unlike dinosaurs, which seem to be everywhere), making humans very unique creatures.

That’s why The Piss Club watches.

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